Sunday, November 04, 2007

Beware Of Strange Men In The Grocery Store

Some men would tell their daughters that after the experience they had today.

I was at the grocery store today browsing the cereal aisle for a box of cereal that would knock the shit out of me. I have been constipated, bloated and irritable lately, so I thought I would get something that would ream me out - but taste good going down.

As I was pondering which bran was more toxic, a man and his daughter walked by. She looked to be around eleven or twelve and very cute. Another young girl came around the corner of the aisle and the two screamed and grabbed each others hands. Since they looked to be about the same age and they knew each others names, I assumed they were friends. I’m pretty smart when it comes to things like that.

Anyway, I was pondering which fruit would go best with which ever box of barn I chose when I heard the friend say to the man’s daughter, “Your dad is so hot.” I glanced over at the dad and he was smiling and had his chest inflated a bit. Then I heard the daughter say, “Eweeeeeuuuu.” The man’s smile faded and his chest fell to his belly. I started to laugh.

All three look at me and I laughingly said to the daughter, “Its okay, honey. I know how you feel. My parents NEVER had sex either.” Then both girls said, “Eweeeeeuuuu.” And I said, “Exactly!” I then reached up and grabbed the first box of shit-kicking cereal I could get my hands on and walked on down the aisle.

I didn’t hear it, but I bet the dad was warning the daughter about strangers in the store.

18 comments:

GrizzBabe said...

She's twelve years old! What does she know about "hot"?!? *Shaking head* These kids today.

I'm sure Dad got a nice chuckle out of you.

dilling said...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

coffeypot said...

grizzbabe, in most countires 12 year olds are wifves and mothers by now. They are spinsters by sixteen.

dilling, exatcly!

Moxie said...

Hope everything came out okay for ya. (rim shot)

Thanks for the comment and for the addition to your blog roll. The Pike in Long Beach is long gone but in its place is an open-air shopping center and a Ferris wheel. The original carousel roof has been sitting on the ground in a fenced area for months - I think the developers are still figuring out what to do with it.

e.Craig said...

It's gotten so that you almost dare not smile at a kid in public nowadays, much less speak to them.
I'm also very protective of my grandkids when we are out and about together.

RWA said...

That's classic, coffeypot. Well done.

But I get your point, and I agree somewhat with e.craig's comment. What are you supposed to do these days if a child smiles at you, waves at you or speaks to you in public?

coffeypot said...

e.craig and rwa, it is sad that it has to be that way in society. Not long ago a little girl of about 4 or 5 was walking around the mall, seemingly lost. I wanted to see if she was okay, so I got a lady to go with me so there wouldn't be any question of propriety. The mom came up, relieved and was very thankful to me and the lady, but it could have been different if I had been alone with the little girl.

In my case at the grocery store, the dad was standing there. If it had been just the two girls, I wouldn't have said a thing to them.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Hilarious!

WE are the people are parents warned us about, LOL!

by the way, if you are the age you have posted, yr only a year and a half older than me and that's not that much!

I'm one of those aging babyboomers they keep talking about.

But I ride a rocking machine or two (BMW, triumph)

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I'm usually too shy to talk to people in the grocery store, but I know what you mean about feeling it was OK since the Dad was there to protect them.

Even though I am 61 (and a half, LOL), I have a 13 year old son. (Not biological.) So I am watching all this stuff unfold all over again.

coffeypot said...

mst, I am too old to be a boomer. The boomer generation started in late '45 as the men came home. I was born in '44, which makes me a war baby.

I drive a pickup (Ford F150) but I'm afraid my bike days are over. I don't have the reflexes I use to have when I had my own bike, though I have been seeing a good looking three wheeler from Honda. Humm!!??!

And a 13 year old son? That’s great! I would love to have kids around 24-7. I can’t get Bug and J-Man enough and I hate it when they go home. Marni should be glad I let her keep them as much as she does. I’m loving, that way.

her indoors said...

constipated mathameticians work it out with a pencil!
and when i was 12, a long time ago, i was still playing with me dolls, well maybe a football then as i was a tom boy lol

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I had joint custody over my first two and I think it made the teen years much easier--just when our relationships were going down the tubes, they went to their father and we all had a change of pace. When they came back to me, they were sick of him, LOL! Happy for a change and I was glad to see them.

I hope Piano Boy and I stay in the same house though. Even though he allowed his second bike this year to get stolen last night and we had to put up with cops in the house.

Biddie said...

So, how did the shit kicking go?
Just asking.

Oh, and EWWWWWWWW.

Lorelai said...

Crack me up! And trust me 12 year olds know what sex is...unfortunately!

In reply to your comment: Maybe I should make myself more clear that I would not do something like that to my sweetie now either. Personally I think if you are unhappy you should divorce, my point was I guess I could empathize in the fact that at one point I felt "stuck" so to say in a marriage, wrong or right I understood where they were coming from.

coffeypot said...

Bidie, the shit kicking went wooonnnnddddeeeeerffuuuullllly.

Loreli, thanks, but no explanation necessary. I remember when I was twelve and in love with them most beautiful woman at our church. She was the organist for the choir, about 22 years old and I was truly smitten. One day after church I ran up to the choir loft to say hello to her, and I was struck dumb founded. She had gotten so fat. I thought it was so sad that she had such a pretty face and such a big belly. Of course, three months later she had her first son, but I knew nothing about pregnancies. I just thought she was fat. Not so with twelve year olds these days.

Jim Latchford said...

It is a shame that as a society we have had to become so hypersensitive about protecting our children. But with the ceaseless stories surfacing about the nutcases trolling for our little ones, I understand the necessity. I once encountered a lost child in a large department store who was distressed that he couldn't find his mother. I calmed the little fellow the best I could, took his hand and lead him to the checkout counters where his mother was hystercially waiting. She glared at me and grabbed the child away from my side. There was the expected mixture of relief and anger in her voice as she hugged the little boy to her chest. She again looked at me with mistrust as the two turned to exit the store. I didn't receive a "thank you" or even a nod of appreciation. I was just glad that the child had been reunited with his parent and that nothing more sinister had occured. The cashier's smile in my direction spoke of her understanding of the kindness gesture I had just peformed, and I sadly understood why the mother didn't. We all need to be our brother's watch-keepers. It's just gotten unfortunately more difficult to tell the good guys from the bad.

http://jamesalatchford's.blogspot.com

coffeypot said...

jim, welcome. I hope you come back again real soon. I know how you feel with the littl kid. As I told e.craig and rwa, above, you have to be real careful these days. It's sad that the mother thought the worse of the situation. I would have yell at her as she left, "Your welcome. Next time pay more attention you your child."

Jim Latchford said...

Thank you sir for your follow up. I do plan to "drop by" your literary homestead on a frequent basis, having linked to it from the I Am Norman blog, which I also thoroughly enjoy. I would invite you to visit my blogging effort(s) whenever time permits and render an opinion. Hopefully you will find my musings to be as entertaining as are ours. J.A.L.

http://jamesalatchfords.blogsport.com