Since you like the last joke, here are a couple more gross jokes my friends have sent to me.
Grandma and grandpa go to a motel for the night, just like they did when they were young.
Grandpa takes off his glasses and goes to the bathroom to freshen up.
Grandma takes off her clothes and gets on the bed. She decides to do a few stretches so she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard.
Grandpa comes into the room, sees her and says, "God Dimmit woman, will you comb your hair and put your teeth back in, you look like an asshole"
This old couple goes to the doctor. The doctor calls them into the examination room and asks them what the problem is. The old man looks at the old lady and then asks the doctor to watch them make love. He agrees, and they get down to business. He observes everything and, after they are finished he declares that everything seems to be working just fine. Blood pressure is okay, and heart beat is strong. So he sends them on their way.
A couple of weeks later the old couple returns and asks the doctor to observe them having sex again. This time the results are the same, but the doctor ask why they had come back.
The old man says, “Well, doc. I’m married and she is married. A hotel room cost $50 a day and your office visit is only $30 and Medicare pays 80% of that. See you in a couple of weeks.”
And, finally, I think I told you guy’s this one before, but I’ll do it again simply because I am senile and can’t remember if I did or not.
A mother stopped by to visit her daughter unexpectedly one afternoon. She let herself into the house and found her daughter lying on the couch in the nude. In shock, she sputters to her daughter, “What in the world are you doing.”
The daughter jumps up and puts on a robe and embarrassingly tells her mother that her husband is due home any minuet and he loves for her to meet him in her birthday suit. It turns him on and they have fantastic sex. You should try it.
The mother, not wanting to cause an embarrassing scene for the husband, left in a hurry. She thought about it on the way home and thought she would surprise her husband when he came home. So when she heard his car pull into the driveway, she got naked and stretched out on the couch. He came in the door, saw her lying on the couch, and said, “Goddamn, woman, what are you doing.”
She smiled seductively and said, “I though I would meet and greet you in my birthday suit.”
He shakes his head and says, “Well you had better iron the damn thing because it is wrinkled as hell.”
He gets out of the hospital in a couple of days.
Dog Thoughts... -
20 minutes ago