Sunday, January 06, 2008

If Abbott and Costello Were Here Now

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer.. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business…what do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's jus t say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A few days later....

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START!”

It would have had more meaning if Abbott had an accent from India.

17 comments:

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

LOL! Very funny and "true"

LOL!

Have a great day!

Welcome back!@

Olly said...

So true. Thanks for my morning laugh!

Christine said...

The sad part is I have been a part of this conversation. Of course I won't tell you which one I was. :-)

coffeypot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
coffeypot said...

Christine, you don't sound like you have an Indian dialect, so I'd guess you are a Lou.

Brother Dave said...

Who's on second?

BottleBlonde said...

The last sentence is PRICELESS.

And you're lucky my father MADE me go through the torture of watching Abbott and Costello reruns when I was a chitlin. Otherwise, my 28 year old ass would be clueless as to what this post was about.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Still funny! :-D

(PS It's not that we don't have lots of fun trying!)

Pamela said...

This would be so funny if it wasn't so true. grrrrrr. (:

RWA said...

That is hilarious. Thanks for getting the day started with a good laugh.

Hot Lemon said...

HA! ain't dat duh trooth!! I dread the next time I'll have to go out and buy a new PC from some pimply 16 y.o. kid who knows waaay more than I do about these thangs.

coffeypot said...

Brother Dave, the Democrats!

BB, Bless your dad for making you become aware of great humor. You learned it so well, too. You are one of the funniest people I read – and you have nice tits, too.

Pamela, it is true. I had the fortune (?) to use the help line a few weeks ago and I could barely understand what he was saying. I think I need to learn English. Farce and the Southern accent just don’t play well together.

RWA, a good laugh is good anytime.

Hot Lemon, ain’t it the troooth!

clew said...

HAHAHAAAAAA! at the post.

HAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!! at your comment to Dave!

katy said...

LOL just what i needed a good laugh!

When Darkness Falls... said...

Hahaha!! Very funny and so true! I see you have had the pleasure of speaking to several of Dell's customer service reps!! Thank God I just screwed with it til something worked :)

HoosierGirl5 said...

Hilarious, as usual.

J.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Oh, I like bonding to males all right, LOL! But at the moment, I'm married.

Do married people get less bonding than unmarried people. I miss that exciting courtship. hubba hubba!