Thursday, February 21, 2008

GREAT TRUTHS

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize a cat.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask our 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your feed.
6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4. You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

15 comments:

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I love the jogging ont he inside and nailing jello to a tree! LOL! Great stuff!

I used to be a planetarium Director and I still don't understand space all--really---it's too mind boggling.

e.Craig Crawford said...

Good stuff. You on a role, boy!

Nekked Lizard Lady said...

Boy, I like your tidbits of knowledge you share. I always end up cracking a smile.

Nekked Lizard Man said...

I think I will begin to print your inspirational post and tack them on my bullentin board at work for all to be wisened as you are. I might even go as far as tacking them up in the stalls - makes for good reading...

Burfica said...

man and I do love me a good rocking chair. hehehehe

HoosierGirl5 said...

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. Oh baby, this is sooooo true! Amen!

Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts. Oh God. I think I'm the nut in my family! Yikes!

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Holy crap, Batman...it's one about my ex-husband!

Great ones, Coffeypot!
J.

Old Lady said...

When I'm on the floor the dogs come over and sniff me to make sure I'm still alive.

Tookie Tail said...

Hi! Stopped by your site and loved it! Keep up the great work! Look forward to visiting again!
Have a Great Weekend!

coffeypot said...

NLL, good to hear (read.) Smiles are nice and needed.

NLM, great idea... uh, you didn't mean like the old Sears catalog in the privy did you?

Burfica, I loves me rocking chair, too. Weeeee!

Hooter J, thank you.

Old Lady, sniffing you, huh? Roll over on your back. You're enjoying it too much.

Tookie Tail, thanks for stopping by. I'll visit your site soon.

ImperfectNerd said...

John, John. John. What can I say? I figure, nuthin. Nuthin except I'm putting your link on "Everything in Particular" so I can click here anytime I damn well please. It'll just say "John in Georgia." If I mentioned Coffeypot too obviously nobody would stick around to read MY stuff, they'd all jump over here!

ccw said...

LOL! I needed this roday!

GrizzBabe said...

I love these truths!

And I always knew I was jogger. I was just doing it on the inside.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Getting a big chuckle out of rereading these--love the growing old ones. he he he! :-D

Michael said...

I keep coming back here, and the only problem is, I hit that first joke about "baptizing a cat" and fall on the floor. By the time I get up I'm too weak to finish reading the REST of the jokes!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I like families being like fudge, sweet and nutty.

Too bad I'm allergic to fudge!

Hey, Coffeypot, it's not the cold that is making me sick--in fact, I've been out shoveling twice already today. I have the stomach flu or soemthing. You don't want me to give you the details, trust me. I liked the comment you deleted, too!