Men are like… LAXATIVES. They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like… BANANAS. The older they get the less firm they are.
Men are like… VACATIONS. They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like… WEATHER. Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like… BLENDERS. You need one but you’re not sure why.
Men are like… CHOCOLATE BARS. Sweet, smooth and usually heard straight for you hips.
Men are like… COFFEE. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night.
Men are like… COMMERCIALS. You can’t believe a word they say.
Men are like… DEPARTMENT STORES. Their clothes are always half off.
Men are like… GOVERNMENT BONDS. They take soooo long to mature.
Men are like… HOROSCOPES. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like… MASCARA. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like… POPCORN. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like… SNOWSTORMS. You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
Men are like… LAVA LAMPS. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like… PARKING SPOTS. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
The Four Stages of a Man’s Life
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus
When You Come Home From Work And Start Yelling At The Kids... - *...who made the huge mess in front and they answer with "Not Me!" and "I don't Know!" and for once, it's the truth.*
5 hours ago