Tuesday, February 19, 2008

For You Women

Men are like… LAXATIVES. They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like… BANANAS. The older they get the less firm they are.
Men are like… VACATIONS. They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like… WEATHER. Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like… BLENDERS. You need one but you’re not sure why.
Men are like… CHOCOLATE BARS. Sweet, smooth and usually heard straight for you hips.
Men are like… COFFEE. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night.
Men are like… COMMERCIALS. You can’t believe a word they say.
Men are like… DEPARTMENT STORES. Their clothes are always half off.
Men are like… GOVERNMENT BONDS. They take soooo long to mature.
Men are like… HOROSCOPES. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like… MASCARA. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like… POPCORN. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like… SNOWSTORMS. You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
Men are like… LAVA LAMPS. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like… PARKING SPOTS. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Plus:
The Four Stages of a Man’s Life
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus

15 comments:

HoosierGirl5 said...

Men are like… COFFEE. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night.

Oh yeah, I KNEW there was a reason I liked coffee so much....Do you think this is why I have a blog crush on E.Craig? (wink)

J.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Men are like… COMMERCIALS. You can’t believe a word they say.

Even YOU, Coffeypot? (she askes innocently)

Does this one apply to all "the guys" (E.Craig, David, RWA, you)?

J.

PS. It's about damn time you gave women equal time on this blog.

coffeypot said...

Hooter J, I don't know why you have a crush on E. Craig, but I think if it were me, I think he would be pain in the ass.

I don't know about all the guys, I only know that I lie to you.

I always give the women equal time; like any Southern Gentleman, the ladies always cum first.

Pamela said...

I'm beginning to look a bit like Santa myself.
Today I was wearing my sun glasses when I got to work and one of my customers told me I looked like Bono.

coffeypot said...

Pamela, did you help him off the floor?

RWA said...

Wow.

Who are you kissing up to today?

Burfica said...

men suck cuz they come home and give me sickness on valentines, and I'm still sick. ugggghhhh

e.Craig Crawford said...

I think 3 or 4 of those definitions apply also to women.Just sayin'. ;-)

coffeypot said...

RWA, I’m not kissing up to anyone. It’s just that every now and then one needs to do something to make the weaker sex feel good about themselves.

Burfica, I do wish you would get to feeling better. It’s hard to kick you man’s ass when you don’t have the strength to walk to the potty.

e.craig, I agree. But this is meant to be a ‘feel good’ moment for the ladies. Poor things!

Nekked Lizard Lady said...

Yet another grand round of wisdom from you, Coffeypot. Thanks!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Men are like… HOROSCOPES. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong. Ha ha ha LOL! That's a good one!

Men are like… COFFEE. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night.
Is this YOU?

Olly said...

Scoring some brownie points with Sweet Tea?

Christine said...

Men are like tile, lay them right and you can walk on them the rest of your life...

Oops...did I say that???

coffeypot said...

Olly – Hell no! Sweet Tea is in France until tomorrow. She doesn’t see the humor in these either.

Christine, that is priceless. I’ll add it to my list. Do you walk with stiletto heals?

Old Lady said...

I knew this pilot once that told a joke about men's family jewels. It was hilarious but I cannot remember it. Can you? It was comparing eggs to balls. Do me proud, oh and I like my coffee hot, strong, sweet and creamy!!