Before I get into a few tails of me in school I thought you might enjoy these two pictures.
It is important to stay in shape. Try this exercise. Sadly, Sweet Tea can only use one hand with me.
Never let it be said that a Red Neck cannot think fast and improvise. Check out this Tank Top!
Now, for a few stories from my schoold days.
LITTLE COFFEYPOT ON MATH (Part 1)
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Coffeypot.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Coffeypot says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice-cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Coffeypot replied, "The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,’ but I like your thinking."
LITTLE COFFEYPOT ON MATH (Part 2)
Little Coffeypot returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?'
“I said ‘6’”, replies Coffeypot.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me how much is 3 x 2?"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE COFFEYPOT ON ENGLISH
Little Coffeypot goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Coffeypot says "Mas-tur-bate!"
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Coffeypot, that's a mouthful."
Little Coffeypot says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE COFFEYPOT ON GRAMMAR (Part 1)
Little Coffeypot was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, Coffeypot, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Coffeypot, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Coffeypot........
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
LITTLE COFFEYPOT ON GETTING OLDER
Little Coffeypot was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know
eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Coffeypot replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Coffeypot answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.”
Does this help you to understand me a little more?
#OSCARSSOFRICKINHILARIOUS! - It's great to see the racist Hollywood left get their comupence. Affirmative Action reigned supreme last night. Almost wish I would have watched it!
30 minutes ago