Thursday, March 27, 2008

Thursday Humor

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the
men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the
ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd
allow me, she told him."

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied: "It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken."


Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
A: 10 little piggies; 2 calves; 1 ass; and an unknown number of hares.

Okay! So it's not the best stuff you have ever read, but it's better than reading the news.


Jan said...

I love being #1! :) Your first joke was the best! LOL Thanks for the early morning smiles, coffey!

Special K said...


That golf course thing is the exact kind of mess I could get myself into.

Alekx said...

to many hares to count

I made a post just for you over at my place. :-)

Cooper Green said...

Not true about the news, John. Here's a story I came across this morning, on Arbroath:
Community service for wombat rape claim
A New Zealand man who claimed to have been left speaking Australian after being raped by a wombat has been sentenced to 75 hours' community work for his trouble.

Arthur Ross Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker, admitted in the Nelson District Court yesterday to the charge of using a phone for a fictitious purpose, after calling police with the message, 'I've been raped by a wombat'.

He called police again soon after, and gave his full name, saying he wanted to withdraw the complaint.

"I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out,'' Cradock told the operator at the communications centre, who had no idea what he was talking about.

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know, I didn't hurt my bum at all,'' Cradock then told the operator.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer said alcohol had played a big part in Cradock's life. However, defence lawyer Michael Vesty said alcohol was not a problem that day. Judge Richard Russell warned Cradock not to do it again.

Burfica said...

I think my husband breaks his thumb alot and fakes it like that too. dam him.

Southern (in)Sanity said...

"It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken."


e.Craig Crawford said...

If the liberal media got ahold of it and put their spin on it, it would be headline news. Thanks for the chuckles.

Unknown said...

My turn... A woman stood poised to cross the street when she noticed approaching a funeral procession, the strangest she'd ever witnessed. Two black hearses lead the procession, followed by a woman dressed all in black who was holding tight the leash of a large, black German Shepard Dog. Behind the woman and the dog was a group of about 20 other women all walking at a respectful distance.

The lady standing at the curb's edge could not contain her curiosity and decided to make inquiry. She approached one of the women in the rear of the procession and began to ask questions.

"Who is in the two hearses? The woman replied, "As I understand it, the first hearse contains the remains of her late husband and the second her Mother-In-Law." "How tragic...they both passed away at the same time?" "Yes...the husband was beating the wife when her dog rushed into the room and killed the husband. The Mother-In-Law, hearing all the commotion, came to rescue her son and she too was beating the wife unmercifully. The dog sprng into action again and dispatced the Mother-In-Law as well." "My horrible!" But what connection do all of you women have to do with this?" "Oh, we're getting in line to borrow the dog."

Brother Dave said...

coffeypot, I hope your thumb is feeling better now.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Well, it may not be the best stuff ever, but BB and I both got not only a chuckle, but a genuine LOL! Thanks. :-D :-D :-D

Pamela said...

I saw that, too.
apparently there is some competition between the Aussies and the Kiwis.

No matter where you go, you can't get away from people acting like ..uh... wombats!