COFFEYPOT'S THOUGHTS ON WORK

If you can’t get the work done in 24 hours, work nights.

A pat on the back is only a few feet from a kick on the ass.

You can’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced you can’t be promoted.

It doesn’t matter what you do. It only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a lift home.

The Boss is always right. But BOSS spelled backwards is double SOB.

Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there’d be so many.

Keep your boss’s boss of your bosses’ back.

Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous.’

Never delay the end of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human – to forgive is not company policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provide it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.

Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

If you are good, you’ll be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you’ll get out of it.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.

Success is a matter of luck; just ask any failure.

All vacations and holidays present problems, except for your own.

Once a job is fucked up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

An ‘acceptable’ level of unemployment means the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

Following the rules won’t get the job done.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

If it wasn’t for the last minuet, nothing would get done.

People don’t make the same mistake twice; they make it three, four or five times.

Teamwork means NEVER having to take all the blame yourself.