Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Albert's Trip To The Store


A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It is obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle; cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their respective aisles.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long--easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

Finally at the checkout counter, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps, again in a controlled voice says, "Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert."

Extremely impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She says, "You know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were simply amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "I'm Albert--the little shit's name is John!"
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Red said...

Very amusing! I can always count on you for a good chuckle

Christine said...

Another gem.

anon said...

Funny how all the 'little shits' are always called John or Johnny.

Took a break from work one day(construction) and went to a nearby fuel stop to grab a cold drink. There was 'Johnny' in the store throwing crap all over the place, pitching a wild fit. Hi mother kept asking him to calm down(my kids would have gotten their asses tanned) I caught his eye and barked "listen to your Mother", we stared each other down. He zipped it.

Went back to work, had to knock on some doors to advice of imminent blasting, the same kid opened one of the doors.
By then i had my hard hat, high vis, boots, tool belts and electronic hanging off me. Kid must have come I'd thought to take him away, he burst into tears and ran to his Mother.

I wonder if that timid Mom still uses me as a threat.

Good joke Sir!

Anonymous said...

Poor Albert. I hope there was a bottle of booze at the end of his rainbow.

Coffeypot said...

Red and Christine, I aim to please.

Powdergirl, I went by you site and noticed you fuse was lit but I couldn't do anything about it. So thanks for stopping by, come anytime. You live in one of the places on my bucket list.

Coffeypot said...

Dana, I think I am Albert sometimes. But if I had a bottle waiting for me I'm afraid I would use it to beat the shit out of the kid.

CindyDianne said...


I have a new post up, finally.

Secretia Teller said...

Talking to yourself and listening is the way to get the best advice.