It’s that time of week again, peeps. I mentioned last week that I might tell you about me almost getting killed and my roommate almost getting the pecker bitten off. At the same time. And NO it wasn’t me that almost bit it off. I don’t do throat swabs that way.
Again it was back in the early eighties and I was in my late thirties, still young and innocent and wet behind the ears - airlines, buses and theatres aside. Anyage, I was in my late thirties and was dating an older woman. She was a very fine looking, sexy 50 year old. Sweet, too. And my roommate was dating - kinda - her best friend.
This particular night we had double dated and gone to a movie. On the way home we stopped off for a burger and a few beers. Lot’ a talking and laughing and joke telling and stuff. Just having fun.
So, since we had to work the next day, we were calling it an early night and started home. We had about a 20 mile trip ahead of us on I-285. My date, who was more experienced in life than poor innocent me, wanted to have some fun while we rode home. (Later she admitted that she and her BFF had it planned.) So she reached over and unzipped my jeans. They were a little tight and there was copious amounts of pulling and tugging before the object of her desire was freed. Then she went down on it.
Now we had been dating for about a month and were no stranger to erotic things, but this was my first time having erotic things done while I was driving. So, needless to say, I was kinda surprised. Surprised enough to change lanes and back with horns blowing and people making ugly guesters as they passed by. But I manned-up and got the car under control.
Then I remembered my roommate and his date. I looked into the rearview mirror and saw him with his head back and no other head showing. He was getting his little helmet buffed, too.
Anybobbing, we were getting closer to the exit needed to take them back to her house and I was getting closer to the end myself. The problem was, the exit and I were happening at the same time. With her increasing pace I was driving proportionally faster. So when I hit the exit ram I was going over 80 mph. She was too. And I had reached maximum resistance and unloading; frozen with my feet on the accelerator approaching the end of the ramp and a red light.
I regaind a little control over my arms and legs and took my feet off the gas, but I was at the intersection with no time to stop or scream or shit or do anything but turn. I had come off on the left side of the ramp and the only way I could turn was left. God help us. And he did.
I jerked the wheel to the left and barely missed a car coming toward my drivers door, horn blaring. But he missed and I made it into the correct lane with out anyone hitting me on the right. But I had to swerve and hit my breaks and shit which was throwing us around in the car. Especially my roommates date.
With all the jerking and swerving and horn blowing, she was slung around and before she could do anything, she clamped down on my roommate and almost bit his woman pleaser off. He was yelling and beating her on the back of the head and cussing and stuff. He didn’t even get to finish either.
My date was experienced enough to know to get off as soon as possible, so she was thrown against the passenger door while all the swerving and dodging and breaking was going on. Then she started to laugh. The bitch laughed.
I pulled into a service station and just looked at her. She thought that was the funniest thing she had ever done. Roommate was a little upset and BFF was mad at me for driving like an ass and at roommate for beating her on the back of the head. I ask him if he needed to go to the doctor and he said no. It was only bleeding a little.
Interesting night! Roommate and BFF didn’t date anymore after that, and I only hung around the girlfriend for a month or so myself. She was fun. And I’ve had similar experiences while driving since, but that was the one that almost got me killed and my roommate a sex change all in one night.
That's about it for the erotice side of my life. The rest is pretty boring. I'll work on the memory banks and see if I have anything else worth writhing about for next week. Probably not, though. Boring, I tell ya. Boring Life!