Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Two Tuesday Funnies


Ponderings

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.


5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


10. Bad decisions make good stories.


11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.


12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.


13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes - to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.


14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this thing I have-- ever.


15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Shoot!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?


16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.


17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


18. My 4-year old nephew asked me in the car the other day, "What would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?


19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well...


20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet, on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Bud Light than with a Kay jewelry product.

I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. - Austin

and


A Redneck Poem

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,

SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.

SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,

SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.



PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,

YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.

I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,

BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.



SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE

AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.

BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,

HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'



YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,

AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.

BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'

I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.



BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,

JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.

MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;

YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

(Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?)
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12 comments:

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

LOL! These are a riot!

Mike Golch said...

these are gr8!

Ed Adams said...

The correct answer to #18 is "SPLAT", but said while making slant-eyes.

Love the redneck poem.

Coffeypot said...

Mary, you sent them to me, you should know they are funny.

Mike, U R right.

Ed, Ah Sooo!

powdergirl said...

You're awesome.

Just Another Momma said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Ginna hafta show that there redneck poem to the hubs.

Secretia said...

It was all delightful! Thanks, John

Mrsblogalot said...

I can't say which of this I loved more but I am leaning towards #12 or maybe # 6 or very possibly # 1 ...but then there is the redneck poem...omg don't make me decide!!!!

You are a Blog Wonder Girl!!!!!

AirmanMom said...

These here jokes brought a tear to this old gals eye...(laughing).
Happy Tuesday!
~AM

Lizzy and Elle said...

That was just awesome, all of it but I am still hung up on the fitted sheets

Mala said...

Those ponderings are freakin' BRILLIANT!

Pamela said...

wonderful list - I'm gong to copy and paste that

I'm thinking about freezer lights now.
(Does that include my patio this time of year? Does anyone else put leftovers on their patio during the holidays?)