Friday, February 19, 2010

Two Old Lady Stories

I think we all know little old ladies like these two fictious ladies...

Two old ladies were sitting on the porch talking about their lives and what they remember. Reminiscing over the many things they did in their youth; raising families, movies and dancing and stuff.

After a pause, Nettie turned to Ruth and as, “Ahhhh, Ruth, do you remember the minuet?”

Ruth, without a pause, said, “Hell, Nettie, I don’t even remember the men I fucked.”

*****

Nettie and Ruth were sitting on the porch at the old folks home. Nettie turned to Ruth and asked "Ruth, you were married a long time, did you and your husband have mutual orgasm?"

Rush sat and rocked for a minute and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

*****

Nettie and Ruth are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. Ruth turns to Nettie and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

Nettie replies, "Oh sure I do."

Ruth then asks, "What do you do about it?"

Nettie replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, Ruth ask, "Who drives you to the beach?"

*****

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a Ruth comes running towards her screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"

The receptionist immediately rushes up to Ruth's room. "Where is he?" asked the receptionist.

"He's over there," replied Ruth, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

The receptionist looks over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "But how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"

"The dresser, honey!" screamed Ruth. "Try standing on the dresser!"

*****

An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night.

"You folks must've enjoyed the show," the usher said.

"Disgusting!" said the old lady.

"It was revolting," her husband added.

"Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks.

"We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old lady replied. "We couldn't find my panties and his teeth were in them!"

11 comments:

Secretia said...

I can't wait to become an old lady too...

Just kidding.

Coffeypot said...

Secretia, you will never be old, Darling.

Boomer Pie said...

I wonder if these are the only 2 women in the world that Tiger Woods hasn't given a twirl? And yet we don't know for absolutely certain that he hasn't...do we?

Crazy Kat Lady said...

LOL I am a little old lady now and just loved all of these. You brighten my day everytime you blog. Thanks ever so much.

Coffeypot said...

Boomer, I don't think they remember either.

CKL, you live a cloistered life don't ya?

Ace said...

Know them? I'm pretty sure I'm related to them so taking genetics into account....there goes my future! lol

♥Trina♥ said...

OMG! Those are hilarious!

rxBambi said...

After a few moments, Ruth ask, "Who drives you to the beach?"

BHAHAHAHAHA! I love it! Too funny! I love Ruth and Nettie!

Miss Em said...

Old and Vicarious.
What a way to live the best years of ones life.

Now just where in the world did I put that oh-so-manly-stud.

Miss Em
Austell, Ga.

Tracie said...

Bwahahaha! These remind me of my Grandma. Don't ask.

gayle said...

Love these!! Hope someday it's me and my best friend!