Monday, March 15, 2010

Redneck Monday - Redneck Comments


Us'en Rednecks have a way wif words. There are hunnards of'em, but I won't tell them all to ya rat now. Just a few to wet ya wissle. If'fin y'all have any quessions, just leave'em in that thar comment box and I'll get to'em shortly.

He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.

Don't worry too much about it. Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.

That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.

You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.( bad shot)

I'm bowed up like a Halloween Cat.

He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.

Ain't no point in beatin' a dead horse...'course, can't hurt none either.

I'd love to have a dress just like that, but I don't go to many Puerto Rican proms.

Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.

He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.

Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.

Nuttier than a Squirrel turd.

I'd rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a 5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than...

You catch more flies with jam than you do with vinegar.

As easy as herding chickens.

Richer than 3 feet up a bull's ass (bull manure is especially good fertilizer).

Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.

I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!

She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.

She's as useful as a tit on a boar hog.

Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.

You're as handy as a cow on a crutch.

You got to be 10% smarter than the equipment you're runnin'.

My sister is soooooo ugly, we had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dogs to play her.

She's purtier than a mess of fried catfish.

Hornier than a two pecker’ed billy goat.

Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.

Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.

Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.

Busier than a stump full of ants.

That dawg won't hunt.

It's colder than a mother-in-law's love.

You're slower than molasses on a cold day.

13 comments:

Secretia said...

Always fun to read stuff like this.

blueviolet said...

Some of them are so redneck I can't even follow! lol

Alyssa said...

I love the Buicks fighting for a parking space.

I'm here from mrsblogalot (whom I adore)

Eternally Distracted said...

I still wish I understood what a redneck was!! I don't think you get them in the UK or Middle East ;0)

Daffy said...

The low flying duck one is my favorite. I vow to work that into conversation today....

Ace said...

Every time you post this redneck stuff, it just drives home that me and mine got a lot of redneck in us. Quite a few of these actually get uttered around here.

Tracie said...

My mom says the first on All. The. Time. She also says 'As useless as tits on a boar' - same thing as the one you listed with a little different wording.

Lickety Splitter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lickety Splitter said...

"Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor."

At least 7 of these busy cats live next door to me in my yard. If you too have cats which aren't yours, you will know what I mean by that convoluted comment.

"You're slower than molasses on a cold day." I said something similar to my computer yesterday.

P.S. I had to delete my first attempt at this comment. It had bad form, and I'm obnoxious like that!

Miss Em said...

Well.
Some of them are new to me.

A few I learned at the receiving end of the switch Mom was a usin.

And of course I've been usein quite a few with some of the words changed around.

OOOOOooooo. Does that make this bred an born Oregonian a "red-neck"?

Huge smile...snickers

Miss Em

gayle said...

Some new and some I have heard before but it's always good to hear them again!! Most Rednecks are just good old country boys:)

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