Sunday, August 15, 2010

Oximorons or Just Stupid Stuff?

Here, for your reading and contemplation edification, are a list of points to ponder.

I believe they are called OXYMORONS. Or just dumb shit.

You be the judge.

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels; aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

29. How can someone be pretty ugly?

30. Regardless of how you thing of all the above, I believe they are all the same difference to me.


Alexandra said...

The signs are awesome. Did you make up the questions yourself, or get them from somewhere else? They're perfect.

How are you?

ScoMan said...

I think the "Stop" and "Keep moving" picture was my favourite.

And as for "Take me out to the ball game".. I never knew that's what people were ACTUALLY singing when at the ball game. I thought "That's what it sounds like.. but that can't be right, because that doesn't make sense"

As your list proves though, not everything makes sense.

Ragtop lady said...

What a "whacked out, crazy" world we live in - and for your signs, I have always loved the one on the entrance ramps at expressways that says first, merge right, then right after, merge left? Make up ya mind, dang it.

Unknown said...

These are fun!
Prayers and hugs to you, my friend!

MrsBlogAlot said...

I'm so confused.

rxBambi said...

bahahaha! too funny :)

middle child said...

And why is it called a B.Job when it actually involves sucking?

Lickety Splitter said...

I LOVE oxymorons. Too bad they never give us the answers to these very creative questions. Oh well, I'm beginning to take heed of that old saying ... "Why ask why?"