Monday, November 15, 2010

Redneck Monday - Mo Etiquette


Last Monday I learned you some Redneck Etiquette.  I'm a gonna do some more today. 

Iffin you seed any of these afore, it's my way of testing you to see if you're payin' tention.

Read and Learn!

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.

If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s own truck keys.

Plucking unwanted nose hair is time consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours.
Note: it’s a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.

DINING OUT
Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.

DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDDINGS
Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.

When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.

A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also aproven fly deterrent.

A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance.

Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Now y'all have a good week.  I'll be a sendin' you some more stuff next Monday.
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3 comments:

Sarge Charlie said...

yep, mo etiquette

AirmanMom said...

now I learn that we are supposed to pick up the crying babies from the movie theater lobby..been wonderin where that other kid went ;)
drats....I though the sheets needed to be washed after three vacuumings...better go change sheets today!
hmmm...I'd better get me my toothbrush back, which I handed down to the hubster-he don't need it anyhow on that one tooth!
Happy Monday!
you do tickle me, mr. coffeypot!
~AM

♥Georgie♥ said...

I am LMAO!!!! so needed the giggle todays thanks John!