Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Letter From A Georgia Redneck Marine



Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well.  Hope you are.  Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile.  Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.  But I am getting so I like to sleep in late.  Tell Walt and Elmer all you have to do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things.  No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, no mash to mix, wood to split, or fire to lay.  Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not too bad, there’s warm water.  Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food.  But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee.  Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again.  It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on ’rout marches,’ which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.  If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different.  A ’rout march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home.  Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher.  He nags a lot.  The Captain is like the school board.  Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown.  They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.  I keep getting medals for shooting.  I don’t know why.  The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.  All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.  You don’t even load your own cartridges.  They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.  You get to wrestle with them city boys.  I have to be real careful though.  They break real easy.  It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home.  I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake.  I only beat him once.  He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6” and 130 pounds and he is 6’8” and near 300 pounds.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before the other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

10 comments:

powdergirl said...

I'm a farm girl, John. I totally get that one.
Cute as hell.

Southern (in)Sanity said...

Hilarious.

Riley Carson said...

I'm a city girl. Oi.

I have a vision of people falling out of turnip trucks right into the a recruiting van.

suz said...

LMAO! Crucible ends today. I can't wait.

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

It hurts to laugh so early in the morning.

Stacy Lynn said...

Funny! I'm going to show it to Megan, but I think she's decided the military isn't for her....at least for now, but her mind changes with the wind so who knows.

Ed said...

Awesome.

And true.

CI-Roller Dude said...

That thar's the truth... we only got to sleep in til 5

Susan Katz Keating said...

This has me totally busting a gut. Love it!

Venom said...

Love. This. Booyah!