Monday, January 24, 2011

Redneck Monday - Another Mo Sayings

Ain’t been ‘round much lately, and ain’t said nary a thing about learning you proper redneck English and such. So pay ‘tention to what I’ma bout to tell ya so‘s you can know if‘en you‘re a Redneck or ain‘t.

(Translation: It’s been awhile since I’ve posted any Redneck Monday teachings, enlightening you to some of our redneck sayings, descriptions and feelings. Therefore, I will bring you up to date on the latest sayings that will give you an idea if you have any redneck leanings or tendencies.)

You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15 You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

Now, what do you think?  You a Redneck or have tendencies toward being one.  I mean, I KNOW you wanna be, but that only comes from the Grace of God.


Stacy said...

Hate to admit it, but I have hauled hay in my car.

myevil3yearold said...

I have a collection of "cool whip" salad bowls but I am from Tennessee

Venom said...

When I was a kid a trip into 'the city' took well over an hour and the only places we stopped were the only place in the province that sold replacement parts for automatic milkers, and Woolco (Walmart's predecessor).

Now, a trip into the city takes just around an hour and the only places we stop are Safeway (for the airmiles), Giant Tiger, and Walmart.

Yep, I'ma redneck. 'N proud of it.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've ever met anyone that Didn't want the shirt off my back, but I am frequently encouraged to hit wildlife with my vehicle...

Coffeypot said...

Stacy, back in the day my first wife and I were moving into a new apartment because she was pregnant. She was riding in the back of the pickup truck, sitting in a rocking chair, holding on to the dresser mirror. Yee Haaawww!

ME3YO, I have a collection, too. I keep my loose screws, nails and washers in them.

Venom, you make it sound like you lived around Corner Gas (one of the funniest shows we don’t get to see anymore.)

suz said...

I have an antique ironing board, and once I DID use it for a buffet table! I thought it made a statement; now I know what that statement was!

*serendipity*: word verification is "fugly." Not kidding!

Dazee Dreamer said...

ok, love the overalls. what?

gayle said...

I think my husband is a redneck!:)

Coffeypot said...

suz, 'fugly' is a combination of two words I use when I look into a mirror.

Dazee, I thought that was very cool. Kinda like wearing my 13 button flap Navy pants backward when i had diarrhea.

Coffeypot said...

gayle, you are indeed a lucky woman.

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who won't let her husband take anything to the dump because he always finds so many "treasures".

Ducky said...

I don't know why the wife climbing the tree faster than the cat is the one sticking with me today but it is. And then the one with the dump...well...I do have family members that one applies to. SIGH...

SY said...


anon said...

Huh, I thought I was a redneck, but it seems I'm not qualified after all : (
Its all right, gives me something to aspire to.

Momma Fargo said...

Well...that pic scared the tar out of me and then I hoped it wasn't your brother Darrell. However...I am some of these...not tellin' which ones. LOL

Pamela said...

these are some fairly new red neck pointers.

thanks for the smiles