Thursday, March 31, 2011

Brave Men Jokes

Yes! I am a man without fear...

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Told ya! I am brave...because you can't reach me. HAHAHAHAHA


Mud Puppy said...

Nice. Its all I've got. Nice.

Unknown said...

Love it! Especially the Laundromat one, it's totally true.
The faking it one, not so much, women just fake it mostly so men will just get done and go to sleep already!

Matty said...

I'm brave, and I'll be passing these on to my wife.

Oh and by the way, do you have a spare place I can sleep after she reads these?

Coffeypot said...

MP, that's enough! Thanks!

RM, I like the gas one best.

Matty, you bet, pal. I always have extra room in the dog house for my friends.

McGillicutty said...

Haaa haa can't sleep and this has made me laugh!!! I think the waist one is the best.. i'm passing these to my cousin he puts crap like this on fb all the time!!! he's a popular guy!!!

suz said...

Uh-huh. "Brave." Yes, that's JUST the word that comes to mind! ;D

myevil3yearold said...

Watxh it coffeypot! Just kidding you made me laugh and the last one is the best one.

Unknown said...

I just booked my flight, then I will be able to reach you!
...kidding :)

J-Tony said...

Coffeypot, funny. Gonna share these with my better half also. May need a place to stay as well after. Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

I just read these to Joe and he actually got several of them right. He's been hanging around the wrong sort of people. He obviously knows where you live.