Thursday, March 24, 2011

Confucius - Sayings He Would Use Today

Confucius is given credit for many quotes, mostly centered around human behavior and growth. Some of these quotes are even relevant in our current society. But what if he were walking among us today. Perhaps these are some quotes he would pass on to us, his Little Grasshoppers.

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Woman who fly upside down have crack up.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk.

Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.

Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!

Hole happy, whole body happy.

He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth.

Elevator smell different to midget.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s' leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!

And those who quote me are fools.

I’m just saying…


Travelin' Mike said...

Funny!!! Thanks for sharing!

Unknown said...

Perfect way to begin a rainy Thursday!

Momma Fargo said...

Confucious was the smartest man...maybe he was really a woman. Only they could be that intelligent...:)

Rae said...

That was fun. I had a good laugh.

Olly said...

Love those!!! Thanks for the laugh!

Matty said...

Had to forward some of these to my wife.....the secretary.

suz said...

Definitely some keepers in there! Thanks!

Ed said...

The midget one got me.

Jamie said...


WHERE do you get all of these?

Happy Friday tomorrow! Hugs, buddy.....

Anonymous said...

The one I always liked was " Go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger."