Tuesday, July 12, 2011

American By Birth - Southern By The Grace Of God
















Suthunuhs!

Southerners know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity
 

Southerners know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southerners know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
 

Southerners know their religions:
Bapdiss
Methdiss
Football
 

Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
 

Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler
 

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

 
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
 

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them,
 
you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, “y'all” is singular, “all y'all” is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your little heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah !

Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had a’been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.





9 comments:

Stacy Lynn said...

Hmmm....Pennsylvania born and bred, but I must have some southern roots somewhere 'cause I do and say most of that.

My Journey With Candida said...

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.... Thanks so much for making me laugh.

I just love your blog. Sometimes we all need a lighthearted person to make us laugh.

You say y'all and I say you'ns ( A little Pennsylvania Hick talk there for ya.)

Momma Fargo said...

Ain't that bout the truth, darlin.

The Minute Man's Wife said...

Oh! How I swoon at the mention of Rhett Butler!!

BTW - why is that man pointing a gun at his son's head??

Coffeypot said...

Stacy Lynn, why bless your heart. You just might be Southern.

MJWC, thank you and thanks for stopping by. Come on back anytime you see fit.

MF, Yes'em!

TMMW, Rhett learned everything from me. The kid has a gun to his head because the little fucker wouldn't stand still.

Paxford said...

Is there an exchange program? I'm sure I can learn the lingo by and by

Pax

Beau's Mom said...

So whatcher sayin' is hillbillies talk alot like sutherners.....

Marnie said...

I've never met a Southerner who wasn't polite. xo

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