Friday, October 14, 2011

A Few Friday Humors




















This is mythical and deep.  Truly beautiful...

A man asked an American Indian what is his wife's name.

He replied, "She called Five Horses".

The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.  What does it mean?"

The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name.  It mean...

NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!”

***

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were so large and loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.  “I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: “I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.”

“The second rose is from my nurse.  She assisted me in the surgery and understood because she had the same procedure done some time ago.”

“And what about the third rose?” she asked.

"That's from a man upstairs in the burns unit.  He wanted to thank you for his new ears."  

***

An apparent drunken Cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh Amarillo Theater.

When the Usher came by and noticed him, he whispered to the Cowboy, "Sorry, Sir, but you're
only allowed one seat.”

The Cowboy just groaned but didn't even budge.  The Usher became more impatient and insistent: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned.  The Usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but without success.  He just laid there in a dazed stupor.

Finally they had enough and summoned the police.

A Texas Ranger arrived, surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "Alright buddy what's your name?"

"Sam," the Cowboy moaned.

"Where y’all from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, a grim expression and without moving a muscle, Sam said, "The Balcony."

***

The recession has hit everybody really hard...

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ounce.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

1 comment:

Suz said...

NEW EARS??!!! Yuck! ...but funny!

(I'm just now catching up on my reading...)