Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Men Are Just Happier People


What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. 
You can never be pregnant. 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. 
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. 
Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
The world is your urinal. 
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000 - Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.


If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Ahhh, children!  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Men are just happier people!

A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!


Suz said...

OK that's it. Where can I buy a penis?

Ragtop lady said...

I say Suz has the right idea, when you find out Suz, I want to know !!!

Anonymous said...

Damn jelly jars!!

LOLA said...

Oh, Suz, you are so wise, but I don't want one of those thingies sticking out of me. And I don't wanna give up my bodacious tatas. I definitely deteriorate during the night. It's my hair. I go to bed perfectly coiffed and wake up looking like I'm wearing Tina Turner's worst wig.


Coffeypot said...

Suz, you can’t have it for keeps but you can use mine all you want…FREE!

Ragtop, you KNOW where to find one…or more.

LD, jelly jars on only the tip of the iceberg. You need a man.

LOLA, I guess you don’t want one of those sticking out of you,,,but in you???

Rita said...

Well this post just convinced me that my both my husband and I are transgendered.

I can be ready in the morning in 15 minutes, Bob takes 45.

In the summer, Bob showers, gets dressed up to run to Walmart, comes home, takes a shower and changes clothes to mow the lawn, comes back in to take a shower, changes clothes to hang around the house for 15 minutes, changes clothes to run another errand, changes clothes to do some landscaping, takes another shower and then changes clothes to eat dinner at home.

I get up, throw on a little makeup and clothes that might not have a hole anywhere, run to Walmart, come home, do some minor housework, go outside to plant some flowers and THEN take a shower in the late afternoon.

Bob not only worries about the future, but about a decision he already made 5 minutes ago. I make a decision and then I turn into Doris Day saying Que Sera Sera.

Although you are right about the nicknames. His favorites for his guy friends and my brothers are Pervert, Stud Muffin, Weirdo.

Now that I think about it, should I be worried here? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

lorraine said...

I love it. I have managed with special hair glue and spray and the right pillow to have the hair thing under control. The make up I put on the night before just needs a touch up and it survives (the pillow is the trick). All the rest is spot on. My house is a shoe store and to take out the trash I actually had to choose the correct shoe. I enjoy being a girl but as old age has taken the girl part out the rest is just too damn much work. I love the facial hair choice one. Thanks for the laugh.

Symdaddy said...


Get your NEW Penis HERE!

Penis .............. $20.00

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Ed said...

Amen, Brother.

Being a dude ROCKS!

LOLA said...

Well, I guess that might be OK, but don't go getting any big ideas.