The Eyes Tell It All

As most of you know, I am not a very religious man.  I do have my relations with God and I am comfortable about that, but I hate organized religion.  There is so much hate and bigotry in the church that I cannot stand to be around ‘those people.’

But I was raised in a good Baptist Church and most of the kids I grew up with are respected members of that church today.  Deacons, organist and piano accompanists as well as active members in the old community are the same ones I grew up with.  Not me!  For some reason I felt excluded from the masses when I came home from the Navy and never really fit in again.  Mostly of my making, I now realize, but still was real at the time.

So I do not go to church.  Judy is Catholic, but does not attend services either.  However sometimes I get a little nostalgic and want to visit the old church.  So on Sunday I moseyed on down for a visit.  Judy didn’t go because she’s Catholic, ya know.

When I came home I was sporting, not one, but two black eyes.  She was very upset and wanted to know what happened.   It wasn’t much I assured her.  I was just trying to be helpful.

Ya see, we were sitting in the pews and were told to stand to sing a song.  I noticed old fat Mrs. Snobbyass, in the pew in front of me, had her dress stuck in the crack of her ass, so I reached over and pulled it out.  She gave a whelp, turned and punched me in the eye.   Judy said she didn’t blame her, but wanted to know how I got the other one blackened.

I told her I was so upset and embarrassed for what I did, but figured she wanted her dress that way, so I put it back.

The right eye should be opening in a day or two.