What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station
restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way
to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more
pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're
talking to them. New shoes don't cut,
blister, or mangle your feet. One mood
all the time. Phone conversations are
over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff
about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one
suitcase. You can open all your own
jars. You get extra credit for the
slightest act of thoughtfulness. If
someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in
public. You are unable to see wrinkles
in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original
color. The same hairstyle lasts for
years, maybe decades. You only have to
shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color
for all seasons. You can wear shorts no
matter how your legs look. You can 'do'
your nails with a pocket knife. You have
freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping
for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.
When eating out and the bill arrives, Mike,
Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change
back.
When the girls get their bill, outcome the
pocket calculators.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need but it's on sale.
In a bathroom a man has six items in his
bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a
towel.
The average number of items in the typical
woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not
be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
Forget arguments. A woman always has the last word.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, but she does.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
And there are the children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.
THOUGHT
FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the
same thing!
Yep, I am a happy man!
