Dear Employees:
It has been brought to human resources and management’s
attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul
language during the course of normal conversations with their colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who
may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of
being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with
colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 new and innovative “TRY
SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and
information can continue in an effective manner.
1. TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more
training.
INSTEAD
OF: You don’t have a fucking clue, do you?
2. TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD
OF: She’s a fucking power-crazy bitch.
3. TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD
OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
4. TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD
OF: Fuck off asshole, can’t be done.
5. TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD
OF: Well fuck me backwards with a telegraph pole.
6. TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD
OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
7. TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD
OF: I wasn’t there, not my fucking problem.
8. TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD
OF: The fuck you say.
9. TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented
within the given time frame.
INSTEAD
OF: No fucking chance in hell will this get done by then.
10. TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I’ll try to
schedule it in.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me
this yesterday?
11. TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his fucking head up his ass.
12. TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck???
13. TRY SAYING: Of course, I was going to be at home
anyway.
INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs fucking holidays
anyway?
Thank you
for understanding and cooperation.
The
spineless little shits should be pacified with this.
