Not that I need any excuses to have a beer or
two, there are those of you who do need an excuse, or a reason to justify
taking a drink. Try these:
"Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I
drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into
the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and
dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
- Babe Ruth
"If all you had to look forward to was
sleeping with Lady Bird you'd stay drunk too." - Lyndon B. Johnson
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I
gave up reading." - Paul Horning
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." - H. L. Mencken
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to
heaven!" - George Bernard Shaw
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin
"Without question, the greatest invention
in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I
grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go
nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!
- W. C. Fields
Remember "I" before "E,"
except in Budweiser. - Professor Irwin Corey
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support
Group. Salvation in a can! - Leo
Durocher
One night at Cheers (TV
Sitcom), Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest
buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it
is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as
a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain can
only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks
the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine! That's why you always feel
smarter after a few beers."
Cliff has point…
