I Have Questions

I have questions.  Not all the time, but often I will be driving down the road and a question will pop into my mind and I’ll swerve a lane or two.  Or waking down the hall on the way to the kitchen or john or…wherever and a question will pop into my head and I will bump into the wall or the door.  It might be better and safer for me if I stop asking these questions, but what can I say?  Inquiring minds want to know:

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that one out of five ENJOYS it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?  Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked then doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tinny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what Chinese mothers use.  Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do, write to them?  Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Okay!  I didn’t thing of these alone.  I have to thank Suz for offering them for your consumption.  Now digest them and pass them out for others to sniff over.