How about a couple of Friday the 13th jokes?
Okay! These could have happened on any day, but go with it. It is Friday the 13th and at least I tried.
How to Get Out of A Speeding Ticket on Friday the 13th:
A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him, and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
“There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…..then the reality of the situation hit him.
“What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
“Tell ya what, it’s been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork. I don’t need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”
The guy thinks about it for a second and says, “Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”
“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.
Why Partying on Friday the 13th Is Not Such A Good Idea:
I left for work on Friday 13th morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay.
Finally, I appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously I was confronted by an angry Judy who castigated me for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting my actions. Finally, Judy stopped the nagging and said to me, ‘How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?’
I shrugged and replied grimly, ‘That would be fine with me.’
Monday went by and he didn’t see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough so that I could see Judy a little out of the corner of my left eye.
So, Peeps, enjoy your Friday the 13th, but do be careful…and go straight home.