Sunday, April 22, 2012

How To Shower


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to light's and dark's.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- Make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.  Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Rinse off.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.  Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.  Wash your face.  Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.  Make a Shampoo Mohawk.


Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off!

Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

Got it?  Understand?

Now all you Peeps have a great day..... And woo woo!!!


GunDiva said...

Those coarse butt hairs (and the short and curlies from washing your man-parts over and over again) are the reason why we women use separate soap.

Golden To Silver Val said...

You've got the routine down perfectly for the guys. all of you men attend a secret class somewhere on how to shower? And also the one where you learn how to piss off the wife so you can "justifiably" slam out of the house in order to meet your buddies for pool at the bar, cards or golf instead of yard work. I must say, you all get A's.

Symdaddy said...

Seems almost as if you've been spying on me, although I stop in front of the mirror several times, not just twice! Well ... I can't fit it everything in on just one pass!

Shana said...

Very true! and funny

Jess said...

Woo-woo....sorry, I couldn't resist.