GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students…here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and then Eve.
And the first thing He said was, “DON’T!”
“Don’t what?” Adam replied.
“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.
“Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve – we have forbidden fruit.”
“No Way!”
“Yes Way!”
“Why?”
“Because I am your Father and I say so!” God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after the Elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was pissed.
“Didn’t I tell you not to eat of the forbidden fruit?” God asked.
“Uh huh,” Adam replied.
“Then why did you?” said God.
“I don’t know,” said Eve.
“She started it!” Adam said, pointing his finger at Eve.
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“DID NOT!”
Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINK ABOUT IT…
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen years telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said in the first place.
5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than yours.
6. We childproof our homes, but they still get in.
So, if you have a lot of tension and headaches, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
“Take two aspirin and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!”
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9 comments:
God created children so I could learn . . . I don't know why God created children. I love mine, but I don't know why they're here. Well, technically I know how they appeared. I was there. But I don't understand why God felt he had to test me the way He has.
children, children, dogs
Dogs make better children than children.
Love,
Janie, who is now so confused about children
I used to think that couples who chose not to have kids were selfish. Now I realize they were just smarter than we were.
JJ. Dogs and grand-kids. They are the best.
MC, parents lose 20 iq points until the kids are 33 and out of the house.
I thought I had the perfect solution to bringing up children ... but the police told me that I wasn't allowed to nail them to the wall and I had to take them down!
Once the kids were grown, we got a dog so we could always have a 3-year-old running around the house.
Soehow this makes sense to my wife.
LOL LOOONG time!!!
Symdaddy, I know. The cops must not have had children or they would understand.
MSgt B, at least the dogs are better trained that a 3 year old.
Jihad Gene, I would suggest MSgt B’s idea of having a dog to replace grown kids…but you Nof Koren keep eating’em.
Until one has children, they think sex is fun.
But as in all things fun, there's always a punishment involved.
# 4 and # 5 are so very true
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