Laws We Live Under That Will Drive You Crazy

I saw this and copied if from somewhere but forgot to take down who I got it from.    

So if it was one of my Peeps here, I apologize for not giving you credit. 

If it is not one of you, then forget what I said above and instead appreciate my brilliance.

LAWS WE LIVE UNDER:

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

LAW OF GRAVITY – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF PROBABILITY – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

LAW OF RANDOM NUMBERS – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

LAW OF THE ALIBI – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

VARIATION LAW – If you change lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

LAW OF THE BATH – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

LAW OF THE THEATER AND FOOTBALL STADIUM – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance.

THE COFFEE LAW – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

MURPHY’S LAW OF LOCKERS – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

LAW OF PHYSICAL SURFACES – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

LAW OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

LAW OF PUBLIC SPEAKING – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

LAW OF COMMERCIAL MARKETING STRATEGY – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

DOCTORS’ LAW – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

LAW OF AUTO REPAIR – You will have to reach into the customer’s new car with greasy hands and turn on the key/change the position of the wheels or shift lever.

LAW OF GRAVITY – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.  If you are working on a car, a bolt or nut will fall into a void in the frame or body that cannot be accessed without removing some major body part. If it does fall all the way through, it will go to the geographic center of the car.

LAW OF PHYSICAL SURFACES – The chances are an open-faced jelly sandwich will land face down on a floor, and is directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

LAW OF FAILURE FAILURE – All laws of failure will reverse themselves at the point when you attempt to demonstrate said failure to anyone else.

LAW OF EQUIPMENT FAILURE – That the more important a task be accomplished within a time schedule, it is inevitable the copier/printer will decide to break down.