I am going to NJ to meet Sweet Tea for a few days, maybe a week. I have to deliver some dogs and cats for my vet-daughter, too. She does animal rescue and I deliver animals to other states for her as she needs it. So I will be stopping off in NC and PA for deliveries and to pee. I was going to fly to NJ, but she needed help, so…
I don’t know if I will have access to a computer or not, but if I do I’ll keep in touch. If not, I’ll have a shit-pot full of reading when I get back.
Bye, y’all
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
REDNECK LOVE POEM
Sweet Tea is in N.J. for a few weeks and I miss her so much. I found a poem I thought she might appreciate. What do you think?
Collards is green,
My dog’s name is Blue,
And I’m so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like con silk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass
Which excite me in May?
You ain’t got no scales
But I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
Just a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”
Right out of the can.
You have some’a yore teeth,
For which I am proud:
I hold my head high
When we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave under yore arms,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven,
And awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles
And fiux what you can.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those fire ants
I found in my bed.
Your cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You park up my life
More than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin’
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin’.
Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
“That’s impressive,” I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,”
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
These won’t do.
Cause yor’e too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste or oder,
More useful than diamonds…
IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTER!
What do you think folks? Will this melt her heart? Maybe when I get up there next Wednesday, I’ll hold her in my arms and tell her that her eyes look like two hen turds in a bowl of clabber, and that her ears are as cute as mud flaps on a gopher’s ass. Yep! That should do it.
Collards is green,
My dog’s name is Blue,
And I’m so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like con silk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass
Which excite me in May?
You ain’t got no scales
But I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
Just a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”
Right out of the can.
You have some’a yore teeth,
For which I am proud:
I hold my head high
When we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave under yore arms,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven,
And awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles
And fiux what you can.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those fire ants
I found in my bed.
Your cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You park up my life
More than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin’
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin’.
Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
“That’s impressive,” I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,”
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
These won’t do.
Cause yor’e too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste or oder,
More useful than diamonds…
IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTER!
What do you think folks? Will this melt her heart? Maybe when I get up there next Wednesday, I’ll hold her in my arms and tell her that her eyes look like two hen turds in a bowl of clabber, and that her ears are as cute as mud flaps on a gopher’s ass. Yep! That should do it.
Friday, October 20, 2006
More of the same except
Ditto!
Except, Sweet Tea is in New Jersey for the next three weeks, so I do not have to take her a tea in the afternoon for awhile. That really messes up my routine. But I will adjust. Besides, I went to a friend of ours 40 birthday party tonight. She is a single mom of two girls – one in college and one in middle school. She is a sweetheart and is a lot of fun to be around. I think she is gay. It’s okay if she is, but… She has a boyfriend and they are real cute together. But she has the butch hair combed back like a man. She wears men’s shirts, jeans and loafers. And all of this doesn’t mean shit, but I wonder. I have always heard that it takes one to know one, and since I admit to being a lesbian, well…
Except, Sweet Tea is in New Jersey for the next three weeks, so I do not have to take her a tea in the afternoon for awhile. That really messes up my routine. But I will adjust. Besides, I went to a friend of ours 40 birthday party tonight. She is a single mom of two girls – one in college and one in middle school. She is a sweetheart and is a lot of fun to be around. I think she is gay. It’s okay if she is, but… She has a boyfriend and they are real cute together. But she has the butch hair combed back like a man. She wears men’s shirts, jeans and loafers. And all of this doesn’t mean shit, but I wonder. I have always heard that it takes one to know one, and since I admit to being a lesbian, well…
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Why I Don't Blog More
My daughter and niece think I should publish more on this blog. Why? As my bio say’s I am old and I’m boring, and, besides, what would I write about? I enjoy reading other people’s blogs and making an occasional comment, but that’s about it.
Well, let me try by letting you know a little about my life. I am retired. I do an occasional accounting function (billing and receivables, and bank recon for a friend in the insurance business) that takes all of 10 hours a month. I read, watch TV and review my daughters blog pals sites.
I wake up in the morning between 8:00 am and 10:00 am. I piss. I know! That’s a bit of information you probably didn’t need to know, but it’s a big part of my day. It feels good and makes me happy.
I then go downstairs and make a cup of coffee, check out the computer, watch GMA, Regis and Kelly, either Montel or Magnum PI and The View if there is someone of interest on there that will make it worth me having to set though an hour of Rosie O’Donnell. Then I go get some lunch.
I piss again, or anything else that might need to be taken care of. It seems the most activity I get during the day is pissing. I have an enlarged prostate and take Flowmax to control it, but it still feels good so I look forward to the next time I have to go.
I read some more, take a nap, and pee. I know I need to get out and do things. I thought about walking, but I laid down on the couch until the feeling passed, then I was alright. Especially after I peeded.
I started going to the senior center here in town. I volunteered my time and set up their member files on the computer, set up forms to keep track of their trips, showed them how to build a program in Excel to forecast their budgets, etc. After that it got boring. I don’t have anything in common with those old people, except that I am a veteran. But those guys are heroes - WWII, Korea and Viet Nam COMBAT veterans. I have too much respect for them to set and claim I am a veteran. It’s just not the same thing.
Anyway, I wait for my wife, Sweet Tea (or Me Maw), to get off work and go to her second job at Home Depot. I meet her and hand off a sweet tea to get her through the shift. I feel guilty about this, but with my lower back and general health, I cannot put in the hours of standing and walking that is required for most jobs, and I DO NOT want to go back into the corporate world again. So we are working on some things for the future but, until then, she will do the two job thing.
In the evening I take the dogs out for their afternoon constitutional, and, yes, I pee with them out side. Because it feels good.
I watch TV until Sweet Tea gets home, then we discuss stuff before she goes to bed. I usually mosey up to join her around 2:00 AM. Then it starts over. So if I am to keep a daily blog, all I will have to do tomorrow is say, “Ditto.” Then the next day, “Ditto.” So on and so forth until something actually happens in my life. I will say the Monday I go for training as a pole worker for the upcoming elections. And the day before and the day after the elections in November I will be going around placing precinct signs at the poling places and picking the up after the elections. Those three days, plus the training, will cut sharply into my peeing time. And I’m not to happy about that.
Well, let me try by letting you know a little about my life. I am retired. I do an occasional accounting function (billing and receivables, and bank recon for a friend in the insurance business) that takes all of 10 hours a month. I read, watch TV and review my daughters blog pals sites.
I wake up in the morning between 8:00 am and 10:00 am. I piss. I know! That’s a bit of information you probably didn’t need to know, but it’s a big part of my day. It feels good and makes me happy.
I then go downstairs and make a cup of coffee, check out the computer, watch GMA, Regis and Kelly, either Montel or Magnum PI and The View if there is someone of interest on there that will make it worth me having to set though an hour of Rosie O’Donnell. Then I go get some lunch.
I piss again, or anything else that might need to be taken care of. It seems the most activity I get during the day is pissing. I have an enlarged prostate and take Flowmax to control it, but it still feels good so I look forward to the next time I have to go.
I read some more, take a nap, and pee. I know I need to get out and do things. I thought about walking, but I laid down on the couch until the feeling passed, then I was alright. Especially after I peeded.
I started going to the senior center here in town. I volunteered my time and set up their member files on the computer, set up forms to keep track of their trips, showed them how to build a program in Excel to forecast their budgets, etc. After that it got boring. I don’t have anything in common with those old people, except that I am a veteran. But those guys are heroes - WWII, Korea and Viet Nam COMBAT veterans. I have too much respect for them to set and claim I am a veteran. It’s just not the same thing.
Anyway, I wait for my wife, Sweet Tea (or Me Maw), to get off work and go to her second job at Home Depot. I meet her and hand off a sweet tea to get her through the shift. I feel guilty about this, but with my lower back and general health, I cannot put in the hours of standing and walking that is required for most jobs, and I DO NOT want to go back into the corporate world again. So we are working on some things for the future but, until then, she will do the two job thing.
In the evening I take the dogs out for their afternoon constitutional, and, yes, I pee with them out side. Because it feels good.
I watch TV until Sweet Tea gets home, then we discuss stuff before she goes to bed. I usually mosey up to join her around 2:00 AM. Then it starts over. So if I am to keep a daily blog, all I will have to do tomorrow is say, “Ditto.” Then the next day, “Ditto.” So on and so forth until something actually happens in my life. I will say the Monday I go for training as a pole worker for the upcoming elections. And the day before and the day after the elections in November I will be going around placing precinct signs at the poling places and picking the up after the elections. Those three days, plus the training, will cut sharply into my peeing time. And I’m not to happy about that.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Life At Sea
I was watching an old movie about the US Navy and life at sea. It is amazing how they depict life on a Navy ship. And for you landlubbers (except for a submarine) they are called SHIPS. A submarine is called a boat from tradition. Anyway, I watch the movie and noticed that everyone walked normal. No one swayed, staggered or held on to object as they move around the ship. Coffee cups were laid on the tables and desk without support. Curtains (on a Navy ship?!?) did not swing to and fro. The only time I ever saw conditions like that was when we were in dry docks.
There are two things that are constant on a ship; movement and noise. Even on a calm day, which is rare, the ship is still moving up and down and left to right. With three foot swells you are walking up hill leaning to the right then down hill leaning to the left. During a storm or typhoon (especially a typhoon) a wise seaman will go from uncomfortable to petrified in a matter of seconds. The ship I was on (USS Frank E. Evans DD754) could take a 45 degree roll and still recover, but if a wave hit her again while at this angle, she could role on over. Many have. So, as a cocky 18 year old, I see a man with many years of sea experience turn white and swallow hard, it is pretty obvious that I should be concerned. But those were the extremes.
On normal sea duty you eat, sleep, work and relax on constant noise and movement. You learn to eat with one hand while holding the food tray with the other hand trying to keep it level. You stand with you legs spread wide and knees slightly bent to absorb the jolts and swings. If for some reason you wake up and it is totally quiet, you don’t ask what’s going on. You get your butt topside and on the main deck as soon as you can. If everything is okay, you can go back for your clothes later. If not, then you have a better chance of survival than being trapped blow deck (like 74 sailors, one my friend, did when the Evans was cut in half in 69’ and the front half went down in under three minuets.)
Despite the danger and all, it was still a pretty good life. There’s danger in everything we do, so you don’t dwell on that aspect. So the next time you watch a movie about the Navy, remember it’s just a movie. If you want to know what it is really like, talk to a sailor (and thank him/her for serving while we slept safe and comfortable.)
As the saying goes, "If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read this in English, thank a vet."
There are two things that are constant on a ship; movement and noise. Even on a calm day, which is rare, the ship is still moving up and down and left to right. With three foot swells you are walking up hill leaning to the right then down hill leaning to the left. During a storm or typhoon (especially a typhoon) a wise seaman will go from uncomfortable to petrified in a matter of seconds. The ship I was on (USS Frank E. Evans DD754) could take a 45 degree roll and still recover, but if a wave hit her again while at this angle, she could role on over. Many have. So, as a cocky 18 year old, I see a man with many years of sea experience turn white and swallow hard, it is pretty obvious that I should be concerned. But those were the extremes.
On normal sea duty you eat, sleep, work and relax on constant noise and movement. You learn to eat with one hand while holding the food tray with the other hand trying to keep it level. You stand with you legs spread wide and knees slightly bent to absorb the jolts and swings. If for some reason you wake up and it is totally quiet, you don’t ask what’s going on. You get your butt topside and on the main deck as soon as you can. If everything is okay, you can go back for your clothes later. If not, then you have a better chance of survival than being trapped blow deck (like 74 sailors, one my friend, did when the Evans was cut in half in 69’ and the front half went down in under three minuets.)
Despite the danger and all, it was still a pretty good life. There’s danger in everything we do, so you don’t dwell on that aspect. So the next time you watch a movie about the Navy, remember it’s just a movie. If you want to know what it is really like, talk to a sailor (and thank him/her for serving while we slept safe and comfortable.)
As the saying goes, "If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read this in English, thank a vet."
Friday, August 18, 2006
I Tried
MeMaw found out to that Rhubarb and Dallas McCade would be at the Long Horns’ in Woodstock today giving out Kenny Chesney tickets. I was instructed to be there at 4:00 to get two. She thought it would be great to give them to Marni and Jarrett. Great idea! I said I would do it. The first inkling that it wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought was when I couldn’t find a parking place at 3:45. Then there were the vans and mini vans with “Honk if you (heart) Kenny Chesney” signs painted on the windows. The next sign was the number of people there. I didn’t realize Rhubarb was so popular.
Then I found out that there would be a drawing for the tickets (two sets were backstage passes.) So I was standing there looking around at the horde waiting to get into the drawing. Let’s see! There were the cowgirls with the tight fitting genes (thanks Conway) and big hair. Also in the crowd are the slim challenged ladies with their shorts and teddies (I think that’s what you call those handkerchiefs with strings) that they didn’t need to wear at home, much less out in public. There were a few men standing there looking embarrassed, because their wives or girlfriends were screaming to high heaven every time someone mentioned Kenny’s name.
To make a long, boring story short, I didn’t win any tickets. I also didn’t win a autographed picture of Kenny, or a life-size cardboard cutout of Kenny (one of five that the women were screaming for.) I also didn’t win one the mugs with Eagle 106.7 on it. What do I need with a mug? We have plenty of plastic cups. Finally, I didn’t even get to talk to Rhubarb. No matter how much I screamed, he wouldn’t look at me.
Well, I guess it’s the thought that counts. Marni and Jarrett would have really loved to have been there. And I got to see people at their funniest and saddest. However, I did get a chance to enjoy a cold Bud Light and a Tunion, so life is good.
Then I found out that there would be a drawing for the tickets (two sets were backstage passes.) So I was standing there looking around at the horde waiting to get into the drawing. Let’s see! There were the cowgirls with the tight fitting genes (thanks Conway) and big hair. Also in the crowd are the slim challenged ladies with their shorts and teddies (I think that’s what you call those handkerchiefs with strings) that they didn’t need to wear at home, much less out in public. There were a few men standing there looking embarrassed, because their wives or girlfriends were screaming to high heaven every time someone mentioned Kenny’s name.
To make a long, boring story short, I didn’t win any tickets. I also didn’t win a autographed picture of Kenny, or a life-size cardboard cutout of Kenny (one of five that the women were screaming for.) I also didn’t win one the mugs with Eagle 106.7 on it. What do I need with a mug? We have plenty of plastic cups. Finally, I didn’t even get to talk to Rhubarb. No matter how much I screamed, he wouldn’t look at me.
Well, I guess it’s the thought that counts. Marni and Jarrett would have really loved to have been there. And I got to see people at their funniest and saddest. However, I did get a chance to enjoy a cold Bud Light and a Tunion, so life is good.
Tag It Dang It
Let’s do it!
Ten Years Ago
I was a financial analyst for Lucent Technologies
Five Years Ago
Started my retirement, but not happy about it. Love it now. Started taking yearly cruses with the family.
One Year Ago
Had my gallbladder removed and I now feel so good I wish I had done it as a kid.
Five Songs I Know All the Words to
1. “Puff The Magic Dragon,” PP&M
2. “Happy Birthday To You,” Somebody
3. “Love to Lay You Down,” Conway Twittie
4. “Jesus Loves Me,” GOD
5. “Ally Oop,” The Hollywood Argyles
Five Snacks I Love and Wish I Could Eat
1. My Mothers Chocolat Cake
2. Macdonald's Fries with extra salt
3. Banana Pudding
4. 5th Ave. Candy Bar
5. Banana Split with nuts
Five Places I’d Run Away to
1. Japan
2. Hawaii
3. Marco Island
4. The Mountains
5. Alaska
Five Favorite TV Shows (current or vintage)
1. “Lost”
2. “Deadwood”
3. “Sopranos”
4. “Da Vinci's Inquest”
5. “Survivor”
Five Things I’d Never Wear
1. Thong Skivvies
2. Women's Clothes
3. Anything Supporting Democrats
4. A Spandex Swim Suite
5. Anything That Requires Sticking Something On or Into My Body, Face, Ears or Private Parts
Five Favorite Toys
1. The Grandkids
2. The Boat
3. Digital Camera
4. The TV Remote
5. My PC
Since I don't know anyone else, this is the end of the tag.
Ten Years Ago
I was a financial analyst for Lucent Technologies
Five Years Ago
Started my retirement, but not happy about it. Love it now. Started taking yearly cruses with the family.
One Year Ago
Had my gallbladder removed and I now feel so good I wish I had done it as a kid.
Five Songs I Know All the Words to
1. “Puff The Magic Dragon,” PP&M
2. “Happy Birthday To You,” Somebody
3. “Love to Lay You Down,” Conway Twittie
4. “Jesus Loves Me,” GOD
5. “Ally Oop,” The Hollywood Argyles
Five Snacks I Love and Wish I Could Eat
1. My Mothers Chocolat Cake
2. Macdonald's Fries with extra salt
3. Banana Pudding
4. 5th Ave. Candy Bar
5. Banana Split with nuts
Five Places I’d Run Away to
1. Japan
2. Hawaii
3. Marco Island
4. The Mountains
5. Alaska
Five Favorite TV Shows (current or vintage)
1. “Lost”
2. “Deadwood”
3. “Sopranos”
4. “Da Vinci's Inquest”
5. “Survivor”
Five Things I’d Never Wear
1. Thong Skivvies
2. Women's Clothes
3. Anything Supporting Democrats
4. A Spandex Swim Suite
5. Anything That Requires Sticking Something On or Into My Body, Face, Ears or Private Parts
Five Favorite Toys
1. The Grandkids
2. The Boat
3. Digital Camera
4. The TV Remote
5. My PC
Since I don't know anyone else, this is the end of the tag.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Too Old
Marni keeps telling me to start putting things on this post. She says to put stuff on here about my Navy experiences, what life was like in the 60’s and 70’s (probably before most of the people she blogs with were born – I know they now teach part of my experiences in history class) and things the grand-kids do and say.
First of all I can’t think of anything that would interest any of you. If you have questions, ask. But most of all I cannot imagine anyone even reading this. Other than Marni (my daughter), Beth and Page (my nieces), I don't know anyone who even knows how to turn a computer on, much less blog.
I’ll start out by telling you about an experience I had with the Jay-man and Bug. Judy, the kids and I went to Burger King this past Sunday for a gourmet breakfast. The kids went into the play room to climb through the huge tunnels and slides that are there. After we ate the kids went back into the maze to play some more. They made it sound to fun – J-Man was in one orb that was on springs and moved as he played, and Bug was in the other orb. It looked like so much fun, I decided to join them.
Well, going through the opening that has the different levels to crawl up through to get to the top was out. I can’t even turn sideways anymore without stiffness. And to have to do all the serpentine twisting and climbing to get to the top was out. So I went in through the slide. OMG! It had to take five minuets to get to the top. It’s hard to the my 62 year old, 6’4’, 230 pound body through the exit – much less climb up on my knees.
I finally made it to the top. Thank God there was a place to stretch out. I was breathing hard, my knees and upper shins were scrapped and peeling and all I could do was lean back against the top of the slide and stick my legs though the approach tunnel. Should I call 911 now?
Jordan was laughing and calling Jarrett to come look at Paw Paw. I had intended to crawl though the tunnels and visit each of the orbs, but… There isn’t anything in this world that could have gotten me though those tunnels. So, after several attempts, I was able to get turned around and go back down the slide – which isn’t easy either. The turns are leveled so that the kids and adult idiots won’t pickup to much speed when they exit at the bottom.
I finally got out into the open world, and I walked, stooped over, to Me Maw, who was just looking at me like I’m nuts and just shakes her head. I’m luck she didn’t leave in the car and make me walk home. If it hadn’t been for the kids laughing and jumping around me, she probably would.
First of all I can’t think of anything that would interest any of you. If you have questions, ask. But most of all I cannot imagine anyone even reading this. Other than Marni (my daughter), Beth and Page (my nieces), I don't know anyone who even knows how to turn a computer on, much less blog.
I’ll start out by telling you about an experience I had with the Jay-man and Bug. Judy, the kids and I went to Burger King this past Sunday for a gourmet breakfast. The kids went into the play room to climb through the huge tunnels and slides that are there. After we ate the kids went back into the maze to play some more. They made it sound to fun – J-Man was in one orb that was on springs and moved as he played, and Bug was in the other orb. It looked like so much fun, I decided to join them.
Well, going through the opening that has the different levels to crawl up through to get to the top was out. I can’t even turn sideways anymore without stiffness. And to have to do all the serpentine twisting and climbing to get to the top was out. So I went in through the slide. OMG! It had to take five minuets to get to the top. It’s hard to the my 62 year old, 6’4’, 230 pound body through the exit – much less climb up on my knees.
I finally made it to the top. Thank God there was a place to stretch out. I was breathing hard, my knees and upper shins were scrapped and peeling and all I could do was lean back against the top of the slide and stick my legs though the approach tunnel. Should I call 911 now?
Jordan was laughing and calling Jarrett to come look at Paw Paw. I had intended to crawl though the tunnels and visit each of the orbs, but… There isn’t anything in this world that could have gotten me though those tunnels. So, after several attempts, I was able to get turned around and go back down the slide – which isn’t easy either. The turns are leveled so that the kids and adult idiots won’t pickup to much speed when they exit at the bottom.
I finally got out into the open world, and I walked, stooped over, to Me Maw, who was just looking at me like I’m nuts and just shakes her head. I’m luck she didn’t leave in the car and make me walk home. If it hadn’t been for the kids laughing and jumping around me, she probably would.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
