The Gulf Is A Calling And We Are A Heading Toward The Call

On the road again!  This time Judy, the grand moochers and I are on our way to Panama City Beach for a couple of day’s sun and fun.  We are coming back on Friday, but right now the salt water is a calling.

The motel does have Wifi, so I’ll be checking in.

I know you are jealous, so…good.  I’ve been jealous plenty of times reading your blogs, so now it’s my turn.

See ya around, peeps.

A Tuesday Smile

The U.S. Air Force--solving problems since 1947

HT to Sarge

Another Award I Won't Forward - Kinda

***FUCK BLOGGER - I HAVE TRIED 12,876 TIME TO SET UP LINKS***

See the award up there…yep, that one.  I got it today from my hot and sexy longtime close and personal friend (of a few months) and blogger buddy, <a href="http://minutemanswife.blogspot.com">The Minute Man’s Wife (I don’t know what her real name is, yo) and I have to pass it forward to five of you peeps.  She will also interpret your dreams and give out sage advice on things that trouble you, too.  Check her out…I’ve been wanting to for years but her restraining order makes it kinda difficult.  However I believe you will be welcome at her site.

The rules for this particular award are pretty easy. 

1) Tell you who gave it to me. 

2) Put up a link to their blog. 

3) Pay it Forward to five more bloggers.

Now that’s the problem.  Y’all know I don’t forward awards ‘cause I loves ya all the same (some more than others type ‘same’ but the same anyways). 

I mean, there is the hot and sexy <a href="absolutelynarcissism.com">Sandra, who is a self-absorbed narcissist that makes me laugh out loud every time I go to her place.

And there is Daffy the hottest duck on the pond with a sense of humor that will quack you up.

Then there is <a href="adiaryofamadwoman.com">The Mad Woman, the new momma (of new born Sam the Dude and his older sister, Maddy) who is really a dirty old lady at heart (my kinda woman).

I also like men (in a manly, ass slapping sort of way, ooh rah) like my buddy and former Navy Pecker Checker (Corpsman – nurse) Ed who is as funny as he is dedicated to serving former vets at the VA.  He also does a little stand-up comedy routines and draws stick men (such an artist.)

I would also send the award to who has her ups and downs, but is a sweet and loving lady who needs a good screwing by a young stud (my observation, not anything she has requested.)

And of course there is Snuggle Wasteland who blogs about her trials and tribulations with her husband (TO), her boys and of course her work. 

Finally, I can’t forget the beautiful  lady who works with our PTSD warriors and former Army Brat at the Reckmonster’s place.

So ya see, I’ve already named seven peeps.   That’s why  I can’t send out rewards because of those left behind who deserve it, too.

So I won’t send this one out either. 

However if the above mentioned peeps really think they deserve something from me, they are welcome to it.  Honest!  It’s y’alls.

Later, yo!

.

Got Milk?

***THREE POST FOR ONE TODAY***

There are reasons why Judy will not tell me to do stuff.  Here’s an example.

A while back she asked me, "Could you please go to Kroger’s and buy a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

I did as I was told (requested under duress I might add - was blogging, ya know.)

I went to the store and come back with 6 cartons of milk.

Judy, looking at me like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing, asked, "Why in the world did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

I told her, "They had eggs."

Our New Supermarket

 A while ago a new supermarket opened in here in Woodstock.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

 

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay.

 

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies.



I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

The Old Biker and The Hand Job

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Two Guys In Court

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.  I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.  If you succeed you will have no jail time.  I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"Seventeen people?  That's wonderful.  How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor.  I drew two circles like this: O o . Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge.  Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people!  How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.  

 "I drew two circles like this: o O.   

Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison..................

THE GOOD OLD DAYS (Sailor Lingo)

Me and Willy were lollygagging by the scuttlebutt after being aloft to boy butter up the antennas and were just perched on a bollard eyeballing a couple of bilge rats and flangeheads using crescent hammers to pack monkey shit around a fitting on a handybilly. All of a sudden the dicksmith started hard-assing one of the deck apes for lifting his pogey bait. The pecker-checker was a sewer pipe sailor and the deckape was a gator.

Maybe being blackshoes on a bird farm surrounded by a gaggle of cans didn't set right with either of those gobs. The deck ape ran through the nearest hatch and dogged it tight because he knew the penis machinist was going to lay below, catch him between decks and punch him in the snot locker. He'd probably wind up on the binnacle list but Doc would find a way to gundeck the paper or give it the deep six to keep himself above board.

We heard the skivvywaver announce over the bitch box that the bread- burners had SOS ready on the mess decks so we cut and run to avoid the clusterfuck when the twidgets and cannon cockers knew chow was on.

We were balls to the wall for the barn and everyone was preparing to hit the beach as soon as we doubled-up and threw the brow over. I had a ditty bag full of fufu juice that I was gonna spread on thick for the bar hogs with those sweet bosnias. Sure beats the hell out of brown bagging. Might even hit the acey-duecy club and try to hook up with a WestPac Widow. They were always leaving snail trails on the dance floor on amateur night. 

Now, for you Land Lubbers OR those of you who may have forgotten...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
lollygagging---goofing off
scuttlebutt---drinking fountain
aloft---in the superstructure
boy butter---light tan grease or silicone grease - for antennas and masts
bollard---attached to a pier or deck to secure mooring lines.
bilge rats---engineering ratings
flangeheads---enginemen
crescent hammers---crescent wrenches
monkey shit---clay like substance used to pack cableways that penetrate decks to help make them watertight.
handybilly---P500 submersible pump
dicksmith---Hospital Corpsman(medic)
hard-assing---giving someone a hard time verbally
deck ape---personnel assigned to the deck gang, usually Boatswain Mates
pogey bait---any sweet stuff like candy, etc....(bought in the gee-dunk)
gee-dunk---place to buy pogey bait
sewer pipe---submarine
gator---ships of the amphibious force
blackshoes---non-aviation ratings
bird farm---Aircraft Carrier
cans---destroyers
gobs---sailors
hatch---doors, entrances through a bulkhead (wall)
dogged it--- activate a handle that puts the locks into place
penis machinist---Hospital Corpsman
lay below---to go to a lower level of the ship...below the weather decks
snot locker---nose
binnacle list---medical department list of personnel in a no/light duty status
Gundeck---to falsify a record
deep six---to throw overboard
skivvywavers---Signalmen
breadburners---cooks [or stew-burners, gut-robbers, belly-robbers]
SOS---shit on a shingle (creamed chipped beef on toast)
clusterfuck---self-explanatory [Chinese fire drill, to those less PC
twidgets---men who work in electronics fields
cannon cockers---Gunnersmates
balls to the wall---full speed ahead
barn---home port
hit the beach---go on liberty
doubled up---moored securely to the pier with two layers of rope
brow---walkway from ship/shore/ship
ditty bag---small canvas bag issued to sailors to keep incidentals in
fufu juice---cologne
bar hogs---young/old ladies who frequent sailor bars
bosnias---big old standard navy issue asses
brown bagging---refers to married sailors who live off the ship
while in port and bring lunch in a brown bag.
acey-duecy club---club for E5s and E6s (1st class PO/2nd class PO)
WestPac Widow---women whose husbands are at sea on the Western Pacific
amateur night---payday night