J.W.'s Knock On The Door

There was a knock on the door this morning.

I opened it to find a young man standing there who said:

"Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

I said "Come in and sit down."

I offered him coffee and asked "What do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the Shit out of me, I've never gotten this far before."

Too Tired

I guess you’ve noticed I haven’t been around the last few days.  It has been a very busy time around here and, honestly, by the end of the day all I want to do is sleep.  No energy to even read your stuff much less post my on nonsense.

Where to start?  How about here, my nephew, David, is an alcoholic. He is my sister’s son.  He is slow in his thinking and manners.  He is totally deaf in his left ear and can only hear about 20% in his right ear. But he was a hero, too.  Over the past few years, he has saved Mary’s (my sister) life by reviving her when he would come home from work to find her in a diabetic coma.

Also, David is lonely.  All he had was his mom.  He has never dated, had any friends, anyone to go to the Falcon games with, etc.  His life was centered on his work and his mom.  After Mary died, he was lost.  So hurt and so alone!  He is/was on a bowling team, but the contact was only at the bowling alley.  No contact away from the alley.

He had been sober for 10 or 15 years.  The family was so proud of him.  But the loneliness got to him and he started drinking.  Last month I got a call at two in the morning from the hospital emergency room.  David had gone into Atlanta to a strip joint, got drunk, walked out of the club and passed out, hitting his head on the sidewalk.  He only received a mild concussion and several stitches over his left eye, but it was the first time we knew he was drinking again. 

He told the nurse in the ER that he wanted to die.  He said he would never kill himself, because that was wrong, but if he drank enough he would die sooner and he could be with his mother.  Yep, I pointed out to him that killing yourself is the only unforgivable sin (he does go to church and believes in God and Heaven and stuff) and that drinking for the reasons he gave is the same a suicide.  If he died from reasons associated to alcohol, it would be because it was on purpose and he would not get to see his mom.  He said he would quit.

Wednesday morning, abound three a.m. I get a call from the Fort Walton, FL, ER.  David was there in guarded condition.  He goes down there two or three times a year to deep-sea fish.  He loves that sport.  Anyfishingtrip, he jumped, fell, or walked off a three story balcony and shattered his heals, broke his right leg below his knee, broke his back and compressed three disks.  His blood alcohol was 2.7. He should have been dead.

After hearing his story and getting him stable, the nurse made a heartfelt effort that took most of the night, but David was put on a Hero Flight to Atlanta.  He though David should be around family.  He arrived in Atlanta at 10:00 a.m. but the hospital here asked us not to come down right away as he needed to be assessed by their staff and settled in.  So Sister Steve and I went to his work and talked to his boss.  His job is safe and they are worried about him.  He is the oldest employee there, in terms of year’s employment, and everyone loves him.   After that I got a couple hours sleep.  Then my brother, Sister Steve, and I went down to see him.   He was awake and in pain.  But he was stoic as ever and talked to us as best he could.

He did not try to kill himself.  He said he wanted to go for a walk and the ground didn’t look that far down, so he said he just jumped off – rather than take the elevator down.  I know!!! Elevator, Down, Third Floor?  But he was acting on a pickled brain. What can I say?

However, his car was in Florida, so Sister Steve, my son-in-law, Carl and Bug loaded up and drove down on Thursday.  Six hours down to Destin and six hours back.  Not an unusual time for me, but I was working off a few hours’ sleep.  Steve has Parkinson and was only along for support.  But we got back home around eleven thirty Thursday night.  

I got up on Friday and drove five hours to Charleston, SC, to meet an author who is writing a book on the sinking of my ship and the effects and efforts with the families.  She wanted to tour the USS Laffey, identical to my ship, at Patriots Point.  The ship had been moved to the ship  yard for repairs and we had to board her over a narrow, bouncing board.  Scary, that!   Then we were climbing up and down ladders into the engine and fire rooms below decks (close to 100 degrees down there) and in every compartment to see where everyone was at the time of the collision.  It was a somber and eerie time, since it was all about that night. But we got it done.

Between touring the ship and phone calls about David, going to restaurants with her and my pal, Joe, who is a survivor of that night, I didn’t get back to the room until after ten o’clock. 

Several very long days and nights and I honestly didn’t even want to fire up the computer, much less read blogs.  Not that I didn’t miss you peeps, but I’m having to grudgely admit that I am getting old and don’t have the reserve energy anymore.  I left Charleston today, Sunday, got close to home around three, but Judy had set up a meeting with a couple of her friends at a steak house, so I met them there.  I got home abound five, and at five-o-one was passed out in the bed.

David will need surgery, many, probably, for pins and braces.  There will be some rehab and assisted living (he is 50 years old) because he lives alone.  It breaks my heart because he is so gentle and kind. Soft spoken and truthful to a fault.  He would never intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings yet I want to kick his fucking ass for pulling this stunt.  I have not jumped his case because he knows he screwed up bad this time.  He admits it was a stupid thing to do, but what does the future hold for him?  All he has, other than cousins who are distant to him, is Steve and me (a sick uncle who is gravely ill and an old perverted uncle who is pretty pissed at him right now.) I will just try to help his as much as I can, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.  Not this time.

Signs In The Kitchen

1. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home – Adjust!

2. Martha Stewart Doesn’t Live Here!!!

3. Ring Bell For Maid Service.  If No One Answers, DO IT YOURSELF!

4. I Clean House Every Other Day.  Today Is The Other Day!

5. If You Write In The Dust, Please Don’t Date It!

6. I Would Cook Dinner But I Can’t Find The Can Opener!

7. My House Was Clean Last Week, Too Bad You Missed It!

8. I Came, I Saw, I Decided To Order Take Out!

9. I You Don’t Like My Standards Of Cooking – Lower Your Standards.

10. Although You’ll Find Our House A Mess, Come In, Sit Down, Converse.

11. It Doesn’t Always Look Like This: Some Days It’s Even Worse.

12. A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen, And This Kitchen Is Delirious.

13. A Balanced Diet Is a Cookie In Each Hand!

14. Thou Shalt Not Weight More Than Thy Refrigerator.

15. Blessed Are They Who Can Laugh At Themselves For They Shall Never Cease To Be Amused.

16. Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen And Gone On To Lead Normal Lives.

17. My Next House Will Have No Kitchen…Just Vending Machines.

18. I’d Live Life In The Fast Lane, But I Am Married To A Speed Bump.
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Obama Fail

A Father Daughter Talk

My daughter just walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop.

“Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.  Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”



Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said...


"Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed."

US Army's 236th Birthday

Today, June 14th, is the 236 Birthday of the US ARMY.
1775 - 2011

Thanks to all past and present men and women who have served in this, the best Army in the history of the world, and happy Army Birthday to all of you.
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Rolling In The Deep - Love This Song

This has been around the blogasphere and Facebook a few times, but, dammit, I like this song.

It is a real toe tapper if not a big booty swinger.   You just can't set still with Adele singing.



Told ya!
(Hint: Put Your Headphones On)

A Story of True Love

This has to be THE feel-good story of the year!

If this does not touch your heart, then you just don’t have one. 

An incredible story of luck and inspiration!

Can you believe it?

 
This guy wins $181 million in the lottery and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later. 

Talk about LUCK and Love!

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Georgia Is Controlling Speeding By Air Patrols

Georgia has cracked down on speeders and have doubled their efforts of enforcing the speeding laws by using aircraft.



Don't mess with the GA State Patrol.

But I wonder if that dude was wearing his seatbelt?
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OLD AGE TEXTING CODES

Nothing here! Nothing Coming To Mind!

This senior shit is getting old…though it is better than being worm food.

I was thinking today that the one thing my generation has that our parents didn’t is open and instant communication. 

We can email our family and friends, text our doctors and get Rx’s filled, pay bills, and meet new people in a matter of seconds, all on-line. 

The dark side of this is our fingers get tied faster than they use to back in the day.  So to help us text with less key strokes, the powers that be came up with a set of texting codes for the seniors.

And you know how I am dedicated to teaching you new and interesting things to make your life easier, I present you with this list of senior text codes.  Now you can communicate with all your old family and friends without them (us…me) having to key so much.

ATD-At The Doctors.
BFF-Best Friend Fell.
BTW-Bring the Wheelchair.
BYOT-Bring Your Own Teeth.
FWIW-Forgot Where I Was.
GHA-Got Heartburn Again.
IMHO-Is My Hearing-Aid On.

GGPBL-Gotta Go;Pacemaker Battery Low
LMDO-Laughing My Dentures Out.
OMSG-Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

OMMR-On My Massage Recliner.
ROFLACGU-Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can't Get… Up.
TTYL-Talk To You Louder.
LSHIPM-Laughing So Hard I Pee`d Myself.

Your welcome!

Oil Change Instructions Women/Men

Oil Change instructions for Women:  

1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.  

2. Drink a cup of coffee.  

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.  

Money spent:   Oil Change: $24.00   Coffee: Complementary   TOTAL: $24.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:  

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00.  

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.  

3. Open a beer and drink it.  

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.  

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.  

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.  

7. Place drain pan under engine.  

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.  

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.  

10. Unscrew drain plug.  

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.  Cuss! 

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.  Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.  

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.  

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.  

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.  

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.  Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trashcan to avoid environmental penalties.  Drink a beer.  

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.  

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.  

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.  

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.  

21. Drink beer.  

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.  Throw kitty litter on oil spill.  

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.  

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.  

25. Begin cussing fit.  

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.  

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.  

28. Beer.  

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.  

30. Beer.  

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.  

32. Beer.  

33. Lower truck from jack stands.  

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.  

35. Beer.  

36. Test-drive truck.  

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.  

38. Truck gets impounded.  

39. Call loving wife, make bail.  

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.  

Money spent:  Parts: $50.00, DUI: $2,500.00, Impound fee: $75.00, Bail: $1,500.00, Beer: $20.00, TOTAL: $4,145.00    

But you know the job was done right!