Ban Matches

REMEMBRANCE by Maj Michel O'Donnell

I found this and felt the spirit of Michale's poem.

Major O'Donnell was listed as MIA while piloting a helicopter on a mission in Cambodia on 24 March 1970. His remains were recovered and interned at Arlington National Cemetery on 16 August 2001.

A gentle hero who gave his life for an undeserving country.

Remembrance

If you are able,
save them a place
inside of you
and save one backward glance
when you are leaving
for the places they can
no longer go.

Be not ashamed to say
you loved them,
though you may
or may not have always.

Take what they have left
and what they have taught you
with their dying
and keep it with your own.

And in that time
when men decide and feel safe
to call the war insane,
take one moment to embrace
those gentle heroes
you left behind.

Major Michael Davis O'Donnell
1 January 1970
Dak To, Vietnam

170TH AVN CO, 52ND AVN BN, 17TH AVN GRP, 1 AVN BDE

US Army

13 August 1945 - 24 March 1970

Springfield, IL

Panel 12W Line 040

Lest We Forget...

.

How The Fight Started

Some jokes are great – once. Others are classics and stand up under time. These have stood up. I posted them a while back (too lazy to look back for the date) but though some of my new Peeps would enjoy them.

One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started...
____________________________

My wife and I were watching ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

So I said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes!'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started...
_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...
________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first; the shed, the boat, making beer, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

And then the fight started...
______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...
______________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started...

________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started...

See, they are worth a chuckle.

Two Cow Economics

World Economics 101

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by Your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated General offer so that you get all four cows back,with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A QUEBEC CORPORATION
See "A French Corporation".

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don´t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.

Make Me Feel Like A Woman She Begged

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is aweful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

The passengers were scared, but one woman, in particular, loses it.

















Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she looks around in a panic and yells, "If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence, everyone forgetting their own peril.

They all stare, eyes riveted, at this desperate young woman in the front of the plane.

Then, this very good-looking Southern Gentleman from Georgia (probably named John) stands up in the rear of the plane.













He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes (much like John). He starts slowly walking up the aisle unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time with each step.

No one moves as he removes his shirt...muscles rippling acorss his chest (okay, it's not me.)

The lady in front gasps.

He slowly walks up to her, so close their bodies are almost touching.

He leans over and whispers in her ear,

"Iron this shirt and get me a beer." Then pops her on the ass and sits down in her seat.

Ya know? I could very well have been me. I like fresh ironed shirts and cold beer.

.

Handy Pictures

A Day At The Mall

On the 9^th my granddaughter, Bug, celebrated her 14^th birthday. But we couldn’t celebrate the special day with her because she was in Texas visiting her other grandparents. So this weekend, as one of her birthday presents, we took her to the mall for school clothes shopping.

From our house, just over the woods about four miles is I-85, and just across I-85, at the first traffic light, you can turn left and go one mile there is a HUGE outlet mall. So many stores with bookoo’s of clothes, shoes, things and stuff all for purchasing at discount prices. But would she be caught dead shopping there? Well, maybe for some socks or skivvies, but CLOTHES? Never!

So we had to drive thirty miles to The Mall of Georgia to a teen shop called Hot Topics (I kept calling it Hot Pockets) so she could buy ‘cool’ stuff. I lasted about three minutes in there, rubbing arms and asses with thousands upon thousands of teens and their parents. So I went out into the mall, found a seating area, roosted, and converted to my ‘people watching’ mode.

This brought on two events.

The first one was this 90 something (she had to be that old) little old lady sitting across from me. She looked so fragile and was slumped sideways in her chair. I kept watching her to make sure she wasn’t going to topple over or pass out or die or something. Then the little old lady reached into her coat pocket and pulled out this pretty pink and white cell phone and began to text.

Either that or she was trying to call 911 to get someone to come and set her upright.

The other incident…I was admiring all the pretty people (well not all were that pretty - know what I mean?) when this very pretty lady came walking by, stopped, looked over at me, smiled and started walking toward me very slowly with that a certain look on her face. I was racking my brain trying to remember where I know her from. But she definitely knew me and was obviously intrigued (which I can understand).

But what I couldn’t understand is where she knew me from. She was so pretty and hot that I KNOW I would have remembered her. And there was Judy and the grand-kids. What if she came out and saw me loving on this gorgeous lady? How would I explain her to them because I didn’t even know who she is? Would Judy understand? Be mad at me for life? Take this young, gorgeous thing down right there in the mall? I was both excited and worried.

And just as she was about to reach where I was setting, she smiled even more and said, “I went back to the store, but I just couldn’t return it.”

And this deep voice right behind me said, “Why not?”

I almost screamed and jumped across the mall. Scared the bejesus out of me!!! I even looked over at the little old lady to see if she was calling 911 for me. But I think she was already dead.

.