Again, I can't post the damn video, so do yourself a favor...copy and paste.
This is so beautiful it will bring a tear to you eyes and make you kick the dog with delight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8u_c1oyaClU
Sunday, December 23, 2012
White Trash Christmas
Again, I can't post the damn video, so do yourself a favor...copy and paste.
This is so beautiful it will bring a tear to you eyes and make you kick the dog with delight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8u_c1oyaClU
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Did I Read That Right?
Did
I read that sign correctly?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER! PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW!
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
On a repair shop door:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER! PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW!
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
On a repair shop door:
WE
CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)
And Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
And Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man
Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter!
Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Experts Says!
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant!
Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Experts Says!
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant!
War Dims Hope for Peace!
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile!
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures!
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges!
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge!
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group!
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks!
Local
High School Dropouts Cut in Half!
Hospitals
are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors!
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
HEALTH MESSAGE FROM A RETIREE
(Not Me - I have never play golf...without a Windmill being involved.)
Over the last few years in my retirement I have discovered some things
about life and health. So I thought I
would share them with you, my Peeps.
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
I'm retired. Go around me.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
I'm retired. Go around me.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
Monday, December 17, 2012
She Is No More...Good Bye to Woodstock, GA
After four years on the market we closed on our home today.
We had some good times there, but it was time to downsize soooo....
Socially Unacceptable Humor
Yeah! I'm guilty of thinking that PC is BS. So...
-- I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my
leg."
-- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
-- My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
-- Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?
-- A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
-- I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
-- The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
-- At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa ! Who knew?
-- One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.
-- There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
-- You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
-- A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
-- Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 40,000 flippin' Muslims have added me as a friend!
-- Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
-- The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
-- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
-- My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
-- Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?
-- A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
-- I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
-- The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
-- At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa ! Who knew?
-- One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.
-- There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
-- You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
-- A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
-- Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 40,000 flippin' Muslims have added me as a friend!
-- Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
-- The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Judy's Painting and Present
At
the end of my last post I mentioned that Judy and the rest of the crew went to
a painting class. Well, they did!
The
instructor gave them a picture to paint and then she painted two of them in
different colors as the class painted with her.
That’s how the do it, I hear, in the painting classes.
Judy
chose to us a purple background for her painting. But there has to be one in every crowd. Bedmate Bob sat a couple of chairs away from
Judy and painted this…
It included the two examples the instructor panted and a great detail of the room…and of Judy.
The
boy has some talent!
And
he finished before everyone else and watched the others finish their renditions. Then he showed it to Judy who was amazed and
happy.
He
signed the back with a birthday message and gave it to her. We will be hanging it somewhere in the house
fo sho.
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