Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Stuff You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know


Okay, Peeps! It’s been way to long since I’ve posted an educational post. You remember I do these to make you mo smartest than the average bear. So you can be smart like me. So you can have a decent conversation with any idiot you happen to run into, like your boss. So you can be a better Trivial Pursuit player. But mainly because you have some time to kill or you wouldn’t be reading this damn thing.

From past postings, emails and comments, I know that some of these are not entirely true, but it’s up to you to prove them wrong. I don’t care. I’m just the teacher, the instructor, the purveyor of information. It’s like the Liberal educational system in this country. Just teach what you are told to do by the BOE and forget the truth. (I know there are some awesome, dedicated teachers out there. I read some of their post. But the Teachers Union forces the schools systems to keep the useless, bigoted, and uneducated ones on staff.) Do with it what ever you feel like doing with it when you do it.

*****
Stuff You Didn’t Know You Didn’t Know

* Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

* Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

* Coca-Cola was originally green.

* The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

* The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

* The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

* The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400

* The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000

* Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

* The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

* The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monument.

* Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
  Spades - King David
  Hearts - Charlemagne
  Clubs -Alexander, the Great
  Diamonds - Julius Caesar

* 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 (that should help you balance you check book)

* If a statue in the park of a person on a horse with both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
  If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
  If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

* Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature, Thomas McKean, wasn't added until 5 years later in 1781.

* Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? Their birthplace.

* Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? Obsession

* If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'? One thousand

* What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common? All were invented by women. (as well as all babies)

* What is the only food that doesn't spoil? Honey (and Twinkies)

* Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? Father's Day

* In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making t he bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase, 'Goodnight, sleep tight.'

* It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

* In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them, 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase, 'Mind your P's and Q's'

* Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2011 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Now go forth and be smart! (You make me so proud)

Monday, March 21, 2011

I Agree

I have so many un-Christian like thoughts and feelings for those Westborough Ass-Whipes

Who Ate The Cat Treats

I stole this from my hot lady friend, Rose.  She likes our critter friends, too.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Lloyd Oliver, Among Last of Original Code Talkers



A WWII Heroe died today and there is nothing in the media about the loss of this great man.

Below is the link to AZCentral news obit.

Lloyd Oliver, among last of original Code Talkers, dies at 87

RIP, Mr Oliver. Well Done, SIR!

Jet In A Corn Field

Fighter jet in a cornfield...1970.

While assigned to the 71st FIS at Malmstrom AFB, Montana, its pilot ejected during an in-flight emergency.

The pilot somehow got himself into a flat spin -- considered generally unrecoverable in an F-106 (id this jet's number is 58-0787) so he did what the flight handbook said to do -- get out of it, i.e., EJECT.

After the pilot did just that, 58-0787 recovered itself from this "unrecoverable" situation.  In a vain attempt to break the spin, the pilot had lowered half flaps, rolled in takeoff trim, and throttled the engine back to an approach power setting.

After the ejection, the aircraft recovered from the spin on its own, and established a wings level low rate descent under reduced power to the ground.  Ground effect broke its rate of descent, and it settled into a near-perfect gentle belly landing in a farmer's snow-covered cornfield.

When the local sheriff came upon the scene, the engine was still running.  The aircraft was situated on a slight incline, and was creeping forward slowly under the thrust of its still-running engine, as the snow compressed to ice under it.  Concerned about where it might be headed, the sheriff didn't think he could wait for the recovery team to get there from Malstrom which was about 50 miles away; so he got himself connected to the aircraft's squadron for engine shut down instructions before he entered the cockpit to secure the engine.




The attached photos show pretty much what the sheriff beheld on that fateful day.  A depot team from McClellan AFB recovered the aircraft and it was eventually returned to service.  When the 71st FIS was disbanded in 1971, aircraft 58-0787, now famously known as the “Cornfield Bomber," was transferred to the 49th FIS, where it finished out its operational service life.

Pilots of the 49th FIS would occasionally run into ex-71st FIS guys at William Tell (US Air Force World Wide Weapons Meet as it is known) and rag them unmercifully about the "emergency" so dire that the plane landed itself.

Aircraft 58-0787 is now on permanent display in its 49th FIS markings at the USAF Museum at Wright Patterson AFB , where its story is told in the exhibit.

While the 49th FIS Eagle jocks are reportedly glad to see their squadron immortalized in this way for millions to see, they would prefer to see it made more clear that it was the 71st, and not one of theirs, who jumped out of this perfectly good aircraft.



This Is Further Indication That The Air Force Has A PERFECT Record…

They Have Never Left One UP THERE.

Really Stupid Newspaper Reports


               Did we elect these people??


 Civil War planes? Let me know how that works out.





   Now I'm saying that's one GREAT paint job.





        'We had no idea anyone was buried there.'


               I didn't know we could choose.





                        This one says it all.


      Please, anyone, if you've seen this man.


            Now what are the odds of that?


        I would have guessed after age 19.


               Ok, that's just mean!


"Life's tough...It's even tougher if you're stupid." - John Wayne

.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Flossing


HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA (breath) HAHHAHAHAHAHA

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thursday Trio


A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door." 



I picked up a dyslexic woman in a bar the other night and took her home. After telling her what I wanted her to do - she ended up cooking my sock!





The following are (supposedly) replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'Father's Details,' or putting it another way... Who's your baby's Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out #11, it takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind.  I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl.  She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night.  I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted.  If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number?  Thanks...

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter.  He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.  Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian.  I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy.  I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.  Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child "A".  If you do catch up with him, can you axe him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?  Child "B" who was also borned at the same time...well, I don't have clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World.  Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur.  The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening.  If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave. mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

.

An Irish Ditty

Ow 'bout a lil Irish ditty fer ya this bonnie day...



Star Of The County Down
by Orthodox Celts

Wear the Green today and:

May ya be in Heaven and hour afore the Devil knows y're gone.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

St Patrick's Day 2011

March 17 is the day of days for us Irish. People around the world (everywhere except Ireland it seems) is guzzling green beer, dying their river green and wearing of the green. It is a green day. And we are listening to Irish ballads and drunkenly trying to do the River Dance. Well, they are. I’m at the Waffle House getting my hugs from my gals.


Here is my outfit…all dressed up for the festivities.
The button hanging from my belt buckle says, “Kiss Me, I’m Irish.”
(Missletoe doesn't work either - yet)
Ya never know. It might work one day.

The rest is some Irish humor brought you to from my main gal (next to Betty White) Maxine.

Erin Go Baugh, peeps!



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 

Oh! And if you are not Irish, it's okay to pretend to be.  After all, you pretend to be good at Christmas.
.
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Fear The Nose

A Future Horror Movie Fanatic In The Making...


Hump Day Humor



Hump day! Two down and two to go - for most of you. So here’s a few jokes that might make you smile enough to get through the week without giving one of your coworkers or boss a neck chop.

This guy in a bar notices a woman who comes in on a fairly regular basis, always alone.

After the second week, he made his move.

"No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it makes my husband pretty upset."
***

THE CAT:
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.

Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
***

A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job.

She met a nice man who said he would give her work and pay her $100. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left.

He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done.

"Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied.

Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man.

The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly.

"It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply.

"Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."
***

A guy stood over his tee shot for a long time, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.

All this was driving his golfing partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner said, "Just hit the stupid ball!"

The guy answered, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man," said the partner. "There's no way you can hit her from here."
***

Hope these gave you a smile to get you through the week.
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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

So, What's The Problem

This is what happens when a man helps with a Valentine Cookie Baking Project!



What's the problem?

Monday, March 14, 2011

You'll Never Leave Harland Alive

This is a sad, yet beautiful song by Patty Loveless.



Dem hill people o Kentucky and Tennessee are some though folk, fo sho.
Enjoy!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Climimb Every Mountain, Search High And Low...

Mountain Trail in Spain

The entrances for this trail are closed but not policed. It was built in the 1920's for hydro workers. There is no rail but there is a chain to hold onto but it doesn't hold much weight and several people have fallen to their deaths.

This is an amazing walk! This should have you on the edge of your seat possibly feeling slightly dizzy.

It's 6 minutes long and should be watched till the very end.

To intensify the experience, click on the full screen button (middle button that looks like four arrows on the lower right hand side of the screen when the player comes up). It's enough to make you nauseous especially when you consider that it was filmed by someone who made the hike carrying a video camera while he did it.




And why would anyone even consider doing something like this? 

Simple, peeps! 

There's a Waffle House at the end of the trail.
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Saturday, March 12, 2011

What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor

This is more in line for me back in the day.



This song has had so many virses added, and some are very good. 

If you know any, post them in the comments.

Thanks, Peeps!

A Little Scotish Humor For A Saturday

A little Saturday Humor...and I know how the Scotsman feels.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Eagle

An amazing tidbit about the Eagle's eyesight: The eagle can probably identify a rabbit moving almost a mile away. That means that an eagle flying at an altitude of 1000 feet over open country could spot prey over an area of almost 3 square miles from a fixed position.

No wonder we want to spread our wings and soar with the eagles.


Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life.

A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.

When it rains, most birds head for shelter; the eagle is the only bird that, in order to avoid the rain, starts flying above the cloud.......


Isaiah 40:31
But those who hope in the LORD
Will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint
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