Sunday, February 17, 2008

My Dictionary For Those Who Need It

The English language can be very confusing, especially to people learning to speak it as a second language. So, with my vast knowledge and superb education, I am sending out a list of words and their definitions to help in the cause. I mean to be helpful.

1. A CLITORIS is a Type of Flower.
2. A PUBIC HAIR is a Wild Rabbit.
3. A VULVA is a Swedish Vehicle.
4. SPREAD EAGLE is an Extinct Bird.
5. A FALLOPIAN TUBE is part of a T.V.
6. A VAGINA is a Medical Term for Heart Trouble.
7. A MENSTRUAL CYCLE has Three Wheels.
8. A FELLATIO is an Italian Dagger.
9. A G-STRING is par of a Violin.
10. SEAMEN is a term for Sailors.
11. ANUS is the Latin Word for Yearly.
12. TESTICLES are found on an Octopus.
13. CUNNLINGUS is a Person who Speaks Several Languages.
14. ASPHALT describes a Rectal Problem.
15. KOTEX is a Radio Station in Texas.
16. MASTERBATE is used to catch Big Fish.
17. MASTERBATER is the Head Bate Preparer on a Fishing Boat.
18. COITUS is a Musical Instrument.
19. FETUS is a Character on Gun Smoke.
20. An UNBILICAL COARD is part of a Parachute.
21. A CONDOM is an Apartment Complex.
22. When YOU MISS A PERIOD you can use a Semicolon.
23. AN ORGASM is use to Accompany a Choir.
24. A DIAPHRAM is a Geometric Drawing.
25. A DILDO is a Type of Sweet Pickle.
26. An ERECTION is when Japanese Vote.
27. A LESBIAN is From the Middle East.
28. SODOMY is a Type of Fast Growing Grass.
29. PORNOGRAPHY is the Business of Making Records.
30. GENITALS are Non-Jewish Persons.
31. DOUCHE is French for Twelve.
32. AN ENIMA is Someone Not Your Friend.
33. OVARIES is an Egg Dish made with Cheese.
34. SCROTUM is a small Planet next to Uranus.
35. A WET DREAM will not shock you under an Electric Blanket.

Now go forth feeling secure in your ability to communicate with people like me and brother dave and e.craig. We are natural born Master Cunnlinguist.


Libby said...

coffeypot-you are TOO funny!! thanks for a well-wanted laugh!!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

LOL!! Too too funny, I agreee--thank you for keeping us so well informed! He he! :-D

Unknown said...

This party is getting too wild! I'm gonna put my clothes back on and go home! (You're not at all well, Coffeypot...not well at all. Thank goodness...)

Coffeypot said...

libby, thank you!

mary, thank you, my pleasure and responsibility to help the less fortunate in their attempt to learn English.

jim, you forgot your shorts! I'm not well, I know. I just took some aspirins.

Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO! I am also a master!

clew said...

Hee hee hee ... hadnt heard some of these. Very funny!!!

I'm glad I learned the real definitions before I embarrassed myself in a social setting. Thanks, Coffeypot! :)

p.s. My word verification is oigdasm. Sounds like something that should be on your list!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

These are SO FUNNY!

I've given you an award on today's post at No Polar Coordinates.

Teri said...

"An ERECTION is when Japanese Vote"

that one was my favorite.

Cap'n Ergo "XL+II" Jinglebollocks said...

you are SO innocent, my friend... Come over for a beer sometime an' lemmie set U straight...

Or, maybe straight-but-not-narrow...

Cap'n Ergo "XL+II" Jinglebollocks said...

::ahem:: that might help you better understand, but don't watch it with youngins 'round.

Coffeypot said...

Real, salute to the master.

clew, it sounds like a tongue-tied person trying to say orgasm.

Mary, thanks for the award. What do I do with it?

Mr. Lemon, I have a gay brother and several gay friends on both sides of the fence to be too narrow, but that video was hilarious. It didn't even need to be in English.

GrizzBabe said...

That's funny. I often hear choir voices when I have an orgasm.

Jodi said...

You are too weird. (rolling eyes)

You have WAY too much free time!

What a goober!


e.Craig Crawford said...

I feel like I'm back in school. By the way, is an epiziotomy the removal of pizza drippings from the bottom of your oven?