Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Aging Gracefully Is Not For The Weak

















There is a process going on in all of us and there is nothing we can do about it.  It is the silent, creepy, aggravating thing called aging.  And that process might have some of you worried. 

Some of you are reaching the age where things like menopause, memory retention and wrinkles will be affecting you.  Some, like me, are already past that big six-oh, too, while the rest of you will get here eventually.

This aging is concerting to say the least and some of you will have questions.  Fear not, major peeps, for I have, once again, delved into extensive research to help ease some of that angst and make your life easier and stress free.

Below are some questions and answers that are the fruit of my labor (and the product of an email from my friend, Mary Taitt, artist extraordinaire.)

From the Association Of Retired People

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement.
    When you're done you'll have a place to live.

Q: Is it true that menopause is mentioned in the bible.  Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ..."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously!  What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless.  It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem.  Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"


SMILE!  You’ve still got your sense of humor!

For those who don’t…

5 comments:

Interwebs Fails said...

I'm smiling. :D

The Reckmonster said...

BWAHAHAHA! Good stuff...I have to copy these and e-mail them to my dad!!

LOLA said...

Excellent.

Love,
Lola, who is still laughing about the nut hugger

Beau's Mom said...

I hate going to antique stores. Every thing I see brings up the statement: "Gee, if I had kept the one I had....."

Anything older than me, and still worth something, just pisses me off.

Annabelle said...

Thats funny stuff