The Villages

The Villages

I’m not so sure these are real personal ads, but knowing that Dana and Joe are down there, they could very well be true. 

Personal ads in the local “The Villages” newspaper.  The Villages is the retirement area just south of Ocala, FL, that has one of the highest VD rates in the state and the highest consumption of Viagra…which conjurs up the pitiful image of a guy with an erection who can’t remember what it’s for.  Anyways, here are the ads:

FOXY LADY:  Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4” (used to be 5’6”), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.  Matching whit shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:  Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.  Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERNITY NOW:  I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.  If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE:  Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES:  I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro and Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.  If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES:  I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.  If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION:  Mal, 1032, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, and valves.  Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.