Words of wisdom from the sage, Coffeypot
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
If a first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald’s makes you a hamburger.
A coincidence is when God performs a miracle, and decides to remain anonymous.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.
Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it.
Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America… do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and a diet coke.
Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America… do we use the word “politics” to describe the process so well: “Poli” in Latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning “blood-sucking creatures.
And you wonder why I like to smell gasoline.
THINGS THAT MAY MAKE YOU MORE BEAUTIFUL BUT PROBABLY WON'T - 1. These camel toe guards. *For when you don’t want the world do know that you have a vulva. Apparently they’re sported by the one and only Kim K.* *...
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