Gonna Get Back To Sea And I'm Thankful For That

                       (Celebrity Century)


See the salty lady above? I will be climbing into her like an old lover on Monday afternoon.

Judy, the grandkids and I decided to spend Thanksgiving at sea this year. Not your traditional holiday, I know, but everyone is excited about it, so I guess it works.

We are driving down to Miami on Saturday night and will stay in a motel Sunday night and board her on Monday. Why you may ask? Because I fucking want to, that’s why.

That, and because the parking at the port is $20 a day and we will be gone 6 days. But if I stay at a motel for one night, I can leave my car there for the week free. Saving a fifty bucks works for me.

Anycruse, we will be heading down to Roatan, Honduras for a day of snorkeling and beach time, and then a day in Cozumel for an excursion on a pirate ship built like the one in Pirates of the Caribbean. All the deck hands and the Captain are in pirate garb. I look forward to the rapeing and pillaging on the Caribbean coast, too. The kids will get a special kick out of that, I’m sure.

I will be taking my laptop, but I’m not sure what kind of reception I’ll get, though the ship does have WIFI. We’ll see!

This is our first cruse in over 3 years. We use to take one every year, but got side tracked by being fucking poor the last few years. Not that we are any better off now, it’s just time we back into the salt air and gentle motion of a big assed ship.

I wish y’all could come with us. It would be a blast. But you can’t, so I’ll toast to y’all several times a day.

I’ll still be here until Saturday afternoon, so don’t get all teary eyed just yet.  K?

I'm A Celebrity

I’m a celebrity!

Let me explain!

I picked up the J-Man and Bug (the grand-kiddies) this afternoon for our weekend visit. It was just the three of us and we stopped off at a sports bar for a great order of Buffalo Wings. It is one of J-Man’s favorite eating places because the waitresses are so hot (he’s a 14 year old hard-on) and I like their wings. Honest, it’s the wings that keeps me coming back. I don’t know anything about their breast. Honest! They never cross my mind. It’s the wings…

Anyways, we finished and I paid the bill. The kiddies went to the restroom and when we came back they just swung by the table. So I was getting up to follow them when this beautiful little lady got in from of me and asked if my wife was with me.

My first thoughts were, “I’m sorry, lady, for what ever I did, but you don’t have to tell my wife about it. I’ll settle out of court - in cash - if you will just let me leave without any trouble.” or “Why does she want my wife??? What did I do??? I’ve never seen this lady before in my life.”

Then, in the midst of my panic she said, “I have been following Marni for ages. I recognize the kids from pictures on her blog and I emailed her about a book one time. I don't have a blog; I just lurk.”

Whew! I almost passed out with relief and started to kiss her for not having charges brought against me. Then I thought, “Great! Just fucking great. You get off the hook and jump right back on the damn thing by attacking this lovely little lady.”

I do shit like that all the time, and I don’t know how it happens. Read my post on going to the movies by myself if you don’t believe me. And, so far, I haven’t had to do any time or pay for any abortions or child support. But this could have been the exception - because I do weird shit and have senior moments where I don‘t remember stuff.

Anyways, I told her Marni is my daughter and her eyebrows went up and she grabbed my arm and said, “Are you Coffeypot? Oh my God, I have been reading your blog for a long time.” I was embarrassed that this beautiful, smiling, vitreous, little lady had been reading my blog. Her virgin eyes should not be seeing stuff like I put out. Recon her mom knows? I may be in lockup before the night is over after all.

She then turned to her friend at their table and said she was so excited about meeting a celebrity. That’s when I started laughing.

I called Marni, who was having her hair done, (see)

and let them do the ‘girl meeting girl thingy’ females and some gays are so famous for. In the meantime I gathered up the kids who were chomping at the bits to get outside and jump some bushes because that is what bored kids do.

We talked for a few minutes and made her promise to comment next time she came to Marni’s or my blog. She doesn’t have one because, like many of us who first started this weird world of blogging thought, she wasn’t funny and that no one would want to read her stuff. Silly girl. If she only knew.

Anyway, her food was getting cold and her beer warm so before I left I ask her to let me take her picture. I didn’t ask her if she minded my saying her name (or that I was going to blog about this,) so I will just call her Smiley.

Ain't she purty!

That was one of the nicest and strangest things that has ever happened to me, and it made my night. I’m a celebrity! So y’all start treating me with more respect. And I will send out autographed photos of myself to the highest bidders.

Chao! (that's what us celeb's say when we leave the room.)