Showing posts with label Family Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Humor. Show all posts

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Almost Choked To Death Today


It seems that the second generation apple doesn’t fall far from the original tree.

Bug, J-Man and I went to lunch at a local wings eatery today where our waitress was a very cute young lady. And she certainly was able to fill out a pair of jeans.

As she walked away from our table, J-Man leaned over toward me and said in a low voice, “Paw Paw, she has a nice turd cutter.”

I was about to swallow some juice bit of wing and got choked. I was coughing into my napkin, trying to suck in some air and laugh at the same time.

He’s my boy!

(Don’t read this Marni. He gets it naturally between me and his dad.)

Friday, November 23, 2007

My Thanksgiving and Afterward

I’m having a great "Black Friday" and I had a great Thanksgiving, too. I started Thanksgiving out by sleeping in late; then drinking a couple cups of coffee while going through my blog list.

Then I went to the Waffle House to have some biscuits and gravy and bacon. One of the ladies who waitresses part-time waited on me. I don’t get to see her much because she works three jobs. She helps small businesses get automated by updating their computer systems and accounting flows. She sells something like Magic Chef or Avon or something, and she works as a waitress. I don’t know what has happened in her life to have her in a position like that, but she is always smiling, very friendly to me, and we swap books every now and then. I love her to death.

She made my day by buying me breakfast. She happens to be the only black lady among a group of pill popping, booze drinking, snaggled tooth women who complain all the time, and she is smarter that the whole group put together. But she seems to think I am nice or something. Boy have I got her fooled. Little does she know that I am a lecherous old fart, but I just can’t remember why.

Later on that morning Sweet Tea called to wish me Happy Thanksgiving. And then I went to pick up my sister, Mary, and take her out for a late Thanksgiving dinner. She is 78 years-old and isn’t in the best of shape. She is a bad diabetic and passes out at least twice a week. But she is more like my mother that the real one was, and I would do anything for her.

My younger “sister”, Stephen, also came along. He is suffering with Parkinson’s and won’t be able to drive much longer. I told him I bet he really gets confused when he goes to the bathroom because his hand shakes so much. He leaves happy, drained and satisfied, but he doesn’t understand why.

Marni, Carl, J-Man and Bug also joined us. I love these occasions because my family laughs. We laugh and joke about our ailments and situations and each other. Marni can attest to the fact that she got her humor honestly. We believe that, if you can’t laugh at yourself and your life, then you are probably adopted.

After the dinner, J-Man asked to come home with me. Bug loves when J-Man does this because it means quality time with mom and dad without pesky brother around. I kind of like it a little bit, too.

When we got home, he immediately got a cardboard box and cut out a rifle and knife. I helped him fix the knife so that it would fit on the end of the rifle, and he turned over a few small tables and spread cushions and cardboard around and made a fort. So, while I watched football, he fought of scores of “enemy” solders and made it safe for us in Woodstock.

So now it is "Black Friday." Why they call it that is beyound me - unless it has somehting to do with an accounting term that means you have made a profit (vs being in the red.) J-Man and I went to, guess, yep, Waffle House. We then went riding around the lake and talked about how you can see the rivers that make up the lake now that it is soooo low. We then road up to Kennesaw Mountain, Cheatham Hill, and Kolb Farm and talked about life during the Civil War. He loves history as much as I do.

We then met Marni and I dropped him off. It’s quiet now and I am wishing the kiddies and Sweet Tea were here. But people in Hell want ice water, too. Some things just can’t be.