Red Friday For The Troops - WalMart For The Ladies

Today is Friday. That is, IT’S RED FRIDAY!

The day and the color set aside a couple of years ago to show your support for our men and women serving our country and for those in harms way doing tough stuff on our behalf. So stop what you’re doing and go put on something red (and if it’s a thong, ladies, send pics.)


Anyred, tomorrow I will be enjoying this beautiful weather cruising Wal Mart for some sexy ladies.
Here I am in all my hawtness eye candy.

For you ladies getting hot and turned on, I will be at the Woodstock store between 9:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m. (or until the cops run me off.) So to be sure you get your fair chance at such awesomeness, you had better be there early.

See y’all tomorrow.
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A Tail Of Two Greeters

Here are a couple of Wal-Mart Greeter Stories.
Believe them or not (I would bet on not)

Wal-Mart Greeter #1
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter (a good find for many retirees), I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?’

So I politely replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just find it hard to believe that someone would fuck you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

Wal-Mart Senior Greeter #2
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.", replied Charley.

''Well good! You are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

“They said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get you some coffee, sir?'''

My Word Is Law

The wife and I were at Wal Mart picking up some stuff for stocking stuffers. She noticed a display of blue jeans for $8.00 a pair.

There are a few things you need to know before I go on.

First of all I HATE to shop for anything except groceries. HATE IT!

Second, I only wear blue jeans or shorts. I have a couple of slack type pants for special occasions, but I go no where special, so they just hang in the closet. I own one suit that gets worn maybe once a year.

I have two pair of jeans that do not have holes in the knees. I like holes. It gives the jeans character. All are comfortable and fit the way I like them. They are family to me, and well taken care of in their old age.

Judy wants me to have some new jeans. She argues that most of my jeans have holes and the two who don’t are faded and worn looking.

I told her to not talk so loud and to be nice. I was wearing one of my holey jeans and the senior member of my jean collection would get his feelings hurt. She scoffed.

And an argument ensued - right in the middle of Wal Mart. But no one paid any attention, of course. It is Wal Mart, after all. But we argued because I don’t want to buy jeans right here at Christmas. The kiddies need stuff. She needs stuff. I need nothing.

So I told her that in no way was I spending any money on a cheap pair of jeans just because the are on sale for $8 per. I don’t want the Goddamn things. Read my lips, Dammit. It’s my final word, NO! And I walked off.

She’s pissed, too. Call’s me names, tells me not to go by the Sports department because there are knives and pool sticks and things she can use on me. But, Dammit I have spoken.

So now I have two new pairs of jeans. I’ll even wear one pair tonight when I go to the kiddies school band Christmas concert. I know! I will be hot and all the ladies will be eyeing my studly pair of $8 jeans and daydreaming. Sorry girls! You will just have to suffer and wish. Why not…that’s what I do when I see one of you in a great pair of jeans. It’s payback time.