Question

On djandy’s site, she asks the question, if Wonder Woman’s plane is invisible and she was naked would we be able to see her. I told her that you could probably see the cockpit. But the question that bothers me is where did moths hang out before the electric light was invented?

More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Me

Gizmorox, over at “My Head Is A Box Filled With Nothing,” had the list below and I thought, since, like her sight says, my head is empty, I would do the exercise, too. So here goes:

Three screen names that you’ve had: Coffeypot, Maxwell House (Good to the last drop), Percolator.

Three things you like about yourself: I’m retired, my sense of humor and my self control at not shooting those who piss me off.

Three things you don’t like about yourself: I don’t look like Tom Sellick, I’m built more like Goofy than anyone else and I have the desire to shoot those people who piss me off.

Three parts of your heritage: Cherokee Indian, Irish and, most importantly, Southern.

Three things that scare you: Bill Collectors, Hilary Clinton might become president and that people will start taking Rosie O’Donnell seriously.

Three of your everyday essentials: Sweet Tea, all my medications and TV.

Three things you are wearing right now: Underwear, socks and blue jeans

Three of your favorite songs: Baby Let Me Bang Your Box – Dave Clark and the Hot Nuts (early 60’s song – honest.)
Sixteenth Avenue – Lacy J Dalton
Many others that do not come to mind right now.

Three things you want in a relationship: Honesty, humor and do everything I say. (I wonder what that would actually feel like.)

Two truths and a lie: I drove racecars, I’ve been to Hiroshima, and I’ve snowboarded.

Three things you can’t live without: Air, Water (or diet Coke) and Food.

Three places you want to go on vacation: Australia, Japan and Hawaii.

Three things you just can’t do:Have a baby or a period, brain surgery and eat liver.

Three kids names:Bill, Jim and Stephen

Three things you want to do before you die:
Drive in a NASCAR race, Become a pilot, Own and live on a houseboat (Just things that can be done if I had MONEY.)

Three celeb crushes: Katherine Bell of JAG, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Love (the boobs) Hewett.

Three of your favorite musicians: Credence Clearwater Revival, Rod Stewart and Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you: Legs, ass, boobs, body, hair, face, lips, smell, taste and build. What? Only three? Okay: Legsassboobsbody, hairfacelips, and smelltastebuild. That’s three, right?

Three of your favorite hobbies: Reading/TV, NASCAR and J-man and Bug.

Three things you really want to do badly right now: Pee (excuse me, be right back), go walking in the woods, and win the lottery.

Three careers you’re considering/you’ve considered:Lawyer (then I could fuck a lot of people), a cop (then I could shoot all those I couldn’t fuck over), a preacher (they get more sex than the average man. There is the old joke where the kid comes running into the room to his dad and says the religious man is coming. He tells the boy to find out which one it is and, if it is the Catholic Priest, to stand in front of the liquor cabinet, if it is the Methodist Preacher, to stand in front of the refrigerator, and if it is the Baptist Preacher, to sit in his mother’s lap.)

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy: I can stand and pee up a wall, I love to drive fast, and I love to look at good looking women.

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl: I can throw a hissy fit and any time, I cry at movies, and I’m a Lesbian.

Now, why don’t you do one, too, and let me know if you do so that I can read yours.

ABC's

CindyDiane, as an open tag to anyone who reads her column, wanted everyone to do their own version of Alphabet Soup. Is beyond me to understand why anyone would want an answer to some of the questions, but here goes:
A - Availible/single? – No! I’m so married that it will take death to stop it, and even in that event I don’t think I would feel free or single.

B - Best Friend – Earl M. and Quartermaster Chuck!

C - Cake or Pie? – Pies – apple, pecan, coconut, peach, but NEVER mince meat.

D - Drink of choice – Diet Coke – Being born and raised in Atlanta and being a diabetic (Type 2) I had no other choices. Bud Light occasionally or Jack Black sometimes. Well, a little scotch can be enjoyed a couple of times a year.

E - Essential everyday item – Toilet paper.

F - Favorite color - Blue.

G - Gummy bears or Worms? – Worms! They make excellent fish bate and bears are just too big and ornery to deal with.

H - Hometown – I was born in Atlanta, but I don’t go there unless I absolutely have too.

I - Indulgence – Hamburgers!

J - January or February? January or February what? They are both cold and miserable.

K - Kids and names – Me = 1, Marni; Sweet Tea = 2, Dr. Amber and Steven.

L - Life Is Incomplete Without – NASCAR and porn movies.

M - Marriage date – Don’t remember the first one, but Sweet Tea and I were married on Dec. 31, 1993.

N - Number of siblings – Seven – two with us and five gone on ahead.

O - Oranges or apples – Tangerines

Q - Favourite quote - "Until the moral improves the beatings will continue."

R - Reason to Smile – J-man and Bug.

S - Season, Fall or Spring? – Fall! Not long after the Fall you can Spring back up.

T - Tag 3 or 4 people – CindyDiane’s comment is good enough for me. If you haven't been tagged with this one, please consider yourself tagged and let me know in comments you are doing it, so we can all come check it out.

U - Unknown fact about me - I once was a preacher.

V - Veggie that I don't like – Boiled okra. Fried – yum, yum.

W - Worst habit- Peeing in the back yard when I take the dogs out.

X - X-rays – All of me. Why not take (e-rays of) all of me.

Y - Your Fav Food - Hamburgers.

Z - Zodiac sign – Libra – the Scales. I seek balance in life, like, as long as everyone agrees with me I am happy.

NOTE: There was no "P" sent so I didn't add one. If I had it would have been Position - Doggie style so we both can watch wrastling at the same time.

MEME

Klee did a meme (what ever that means) and ask if an one else would be interested in doing one. I though why not. So here tis.

1. The phone rings. Who are you hoping it is?
Sweet Tea or the grandkids.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes! People who don’t are selfish, inconsiderate and lazy.
3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Talker! There is just too much brilliance in my head to not pass it along to those less informed. (Does the name Cliff Claven come to mind?)
4. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Yes!
5. Do you like horses?
Yes! But the last time I tried to ride one I almost got killed. I had just climbed into the saddle when the horse started moving all over the place. My foot slipped out of the stirrup and I started to fall of the horse. I was screaming for help, but I was alone. I flung my arms around the horse’s neck but kept on sliding off. I was just about to fall under the horse and be stomped to death when the Wal Mart manager came running out and unplugged the damn thing.
6. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
No! That was for the rich kids. I did camp a lot with the Boy Scouts, though.
7. What was your favorite board game as a kid?
Chinese Checkers!
8. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was taken what would you do?
Ignore the situation. I don’t go for he/shes. However, if it was a female, I would probably put my hands in my pocket, kick my toes across the ground, look down and tell her to turn slowly around because Sweet Tea is standing behind her with a shotgun pointed at her.
9. Are you judgmental?
Only if you don’t agree with me, or you look suspicious.
10. Would you date someone with different religious beliefs?
No! I’m married. She is a mackerel snapping Catholic, though, and I was raised Baptist – though now I believe more in me than anything else.
11. Are you continuing your education?
I stopped my formal education with my MBA, but I am continuing to learn more everyday – especially from reading all your bolgs.
12. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Yes! Many different types and calibers.
13. If your house was on fire, what’s the first thing you’d grab?
My ass and throw it out the window.
14. How often do you read books?
Constantly! Sometimes I will have two or three going at the same time. Well, not at the exact same time. I’ll have one in the car, one by my chair and one in the bathroom for those quality moments.
15. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
I wonder how things I’ve done in the past will affect me now so that I can plan for the future. Actually I am a history buff and love to read things concerning history. But I live more for the now since I don’t have much a future to look toward – I’m old, ya know.
16. What is your favorite children’s book?
I don’t have one. I wasn’t read to as a kid. I prefer to read stuff with sex, violence and mayhem.
17. How tall are you?
6’3” of hickey bate.
18. Where is your ideal house located?
Deep in the woods on a lake big enough to accommodate my pontoon boat, but a short drive to the beach.
19. Last person you talked to?
My sister, Mary, who is more like a mother to me than my mother was.
20. When was the last time you were at the Olive Garden?
Is this a commercial? It was back in December, just before Christmas.
21. What are your keys on your key chain for?
Opening or unlocking things. Geese!
22. What did you do last night?
Watched TV and worked a couple of crossword puzzles, took the dogs out for our evening pee/constitutional, read some blogs, went to bed, fell asleep and dreamed of… uh, I don’t remember.
23. Where is your current pain at?
Down low on my right side. I may have to have hernia surgery. I don’t hurt like I did over Christmas because I passed not one, not two, but three kidney stones in three days. I may not do the surgery bit, though. I will talk to the surgeon next week.
24. Do you like mustard?
Regular mustard and honey mustard. The spicy stuff is sickening.
25. Did you like your mom and dad?
I like them okay, but I can’t say I truly loved them.
26. How long does it take you to shower?
As long as the hot water last. Don’t do cold showers for any reason.
27. What movie do you want to see right now?
Debby Does Dallas!
28. Do you put lotion on your dog or cats?
Hell NO! I might put bar-b-cue sauce on them if they are on the grill.
29. What did you do for New Year’s?
It’s our anniversary so we ordered in, watched the count down with the grandkids and went to bed.
30. Do you think the The Grudge was scary?
I don’t know what it is. Is it a movie? If it’s one of mine, then it is very scary.
31. Do you own a camera phone?
Yes!
32. What’s the last letter of your middle name?
For God’s sake, why would you want to know that? And what if you didn’t have a middle name? Oh, well. Mine is d.
33. Who did you vote for on American Idol?
I don’t watch the show. Sweet Tea and Marni will watch it, but I had rather read or do a crossword puzzle.

Anyone else whish to do this, go ahead. Let me know, though, so I can read your comments.

FAMILY

I received this today and thought you might like to read it. It is a bit sappy, but the ending has an interesting take on the word FAMILY. Enjoy – or not!

F-A-M-I-L-Y

I bumped into a stranger as he passed by.
“Oh, Excuse me please” was my reply.
He said, “Please excuse me, too; wasn’t even watching for you.”
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My daughter stood beside my very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked her down.
“Move out of the way,” I said with a frown.
She walked away, her little heart was broken.
I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God’s still small voice came to me and said,
“While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,
But the children you love, you seem to abuse.
Look on the kitchen floor,
You’ll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers she brought for you.
She picked them herself: pink, yellow and blue.
She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise,
And you never saw the tears in her eyes.”
By this time I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by her bed;
“Wake up, little girl, wake up,” I said.
“Are these the flowers you picked for me?”
She smiled, “I found ‘em out by the tree.
I picked ’em because they’re pretty like you.
I knew you’d like ‘em, especially the blue.”
I said, “Daughter, I’m sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.”
She said, “Oh, Mom, that’s okay. I love you anyway.”
I said, “Daughter, I love you, too,
And I do like the flowers, especially the blue.”

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family – an unwise investment indeed.

So what is behind the poem? Do you know the full meaning of the word family?
FAMILY = (F)ather (A)nd (M)other (I) (L)ove (Y)ou!

Tagged Follow Up

Marni, over at its-a-pugs-life, tagged me a few weeks ago to tell you five things you didn’t know about me. I stared the list, but because I procrastinate a lot, I didn’t finish it. I guess it’s time I did. It’s hard to do since I am so boring, but here it is.

1) See below!

2) I am 6’3”, 205 lbs of hicky bate, a 30 year old man trapped in a 62 year old body. One that is wearing out, too.

3) I’ve been in jail - once. The night of high school graduation I left for Florida with two of my friends. I was seventeen and they were eighteen. A few days later I was caught by the FL Highway Patrol doing 95 mph through a 15 mph school zone. I got out the next day, and, NO, I wasn’t in stir long enough to become someone’s bitch. Although when I got home I was my parents’ favorite for verbal and mental abuse target – thus joining the Navy at seventeen.

4) I am a TV junkie. I love to laugh during the comedy shows, try to figure out the plots on the drama shows (only good enough to figure out about 20 p/c) and I record those I can’t watch because I am watching another show. I hate the “sports shows” like golf, tennis, soccer, etc.

5) I am a NASCAR loving, Liberal hating, Sean Hannity/Rush Limbaugh loving Republican who is ashamed of how the GOP let us down. I’m not totally Right Wing, though. I believe in and support Stem Cell research, Gay Marriage and I’m not particularly religious. But I do believe in individual responsibility, closing the boarders, heavy sanctions on employers who hire illegals, and death to anyone who tries to take away our freedoms.

6) This is one over the five I was ask to give you, but since I took so lone between one and two, I though I would add this last item. I just got over a testicular cancer scare. I went all December (the Santa Clause bit, the transport trip to Baca Raton, FL to deliver five litters of puppies to a no-kill shelter, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and New Years) without telling anyone about the pain. I didn’t want to worry them needlessly until I knew something for sure. But I did hurt. I felt like someone had kicked me in the balls about an hour before. I had a lump on my right ball and I was peeing about every fifteen minuets. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and he gave me the good news. I do not have the Big C on a Little Nut. I have a hernia. The lump on my nut is from drainage from the inflammation from the hernia. YEAH! I had one of my managers go though testicular surgery a few years ago and we use to kid him that when he got turned on it looked like an exclamation point (!). I will have to have surgery in a couple of weeks, though; then I will be back to my 6’3”, 205 lbs of hicky bate self.

Happy New Year Wish For Y'all

Happy New Year!
My brother sent this to me. It seemed appropriate, and expressed my feelings toward those who read my paltry stuff. So I changed it a little to fit and am sending it to you.

After serious & cautious consideration....your contracts of friendship have been renewed for the New Year 2007!

It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!! LOL

My Wish for You, my blogger friends, for 2007?

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts, and may the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline, and laughter assault your lips!

May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires, and happiness slap you across the face while your tears are that of joy.

May the problems you HAD forget your home address! In simple words, may 2007 be the best year of your life!!!

Love & hugs!

coffeypot

My Coffeypot

Can someone help me? I can get a picture of a coffeypot on my blog site but it will not transfer to anything else such as commenting on someone else's blog. I need to see my coffeypot. Help!

Do We Know Each Other

Marni, at its-a-pugs-life, as us to fill one of these out and she would answer it. You are invited to do the same. I will learn something about you, and you can read my comment on Marni's site for a little (very useless) information about me.

1. Do we know each other outside of the blogosphere?
2. What's your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. What’s one thing you always wanted to tell me?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you.
8. Have you ever had a fantasy about me?
9. Do you have a picture of the two of us?
10. How did we meet?
11. Have you ever been to my house?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you?
19. When is the next time we will see each other?20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

True Friendship

This was sent to me by my old Navy buddy, Quatrmaster Chuck.

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card - just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Friendship is like shitting your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!!!!

Tagged

Marni, over at its-a-pugs-life, tagged me to tell five things you didn’t know about me. I was racking my brain trying to come up with something she didn’t know about me. Then it dawned on me. It’s not for her. It’s for you. DUH! You people don’t know a thing about me, so anything I tell you will be new. Okay! Here goes:

1) I am a procrastinator. I hate it, but I am. And I have vowed to change and become a more spontaneous person, and I will, soon. I promise. And I’ll finish the list later, too.

2)

3)

4)

5)

Santa and Old Cars

First of all, Navy just beat Army. Go Navy!

A couple of things got me to thinking today. Not an easy chore, but it happens sometimes. The first thing was that I was to be Santa to help Dr. Amber raise some money for her mobile spay and neuter clinic. She goes to a Pet Smart each weekend for pet adoption and the store sponsors the event. Amber’s organization will get $5 for each picture purchased. Now I’m not crazy about being Santa, but it helps her, so I consented. I imagine it will be me posing with people’s pets more than it will be with kids. So I can live with it – for Amber. But I was thinking about what it would be like to be a Santa. Mostly I think it will be hot in the beard and get up.

The thing about it is I drive like a bat out of hell. So on the way over to the pet store I got a ticked for doing 85 in a 55. Yeah, I know. But that’s the way I drive. If I go the speed limit my mind wanders. I feel I am a safer driver when I am aware of what is around me and speeding does it for me. I know the law, I know the penalty. I accept it. It’s just that the chance of getting caught is slim to none. But it does happen, and I got caught. That’s not what bothers me, though.

As I was pulling away from getting my speeding ticket, Dr. Amber called and said that the store already had a Santa for today. Just, great! Due to a communication gap the store already had someone to come so I wasn’t needed. All that fun for nothing. I’ll get to go back tomorrow and the next three weekends, though. Yippee! Bah Humbug!

The other thing that got me to thinking was on the way home I got behind a 64’ Chevrolet Impala. I had one when I got out of the Navy…dark green and really sexy. The first car I ever drove was my brother’s 55’ Chevy BelAir… blue and white. The first car I ever owned I paid $175 for while I was in the Navy. It was a 1957 Studebaker Hawk hard top (no post) and I drove the wheels off it. I sold it to get enough money to come home from California. I stayed out there three months after I was discarded and had a job lined up with PacBell. But a girl I had a crush on back home connived with my mother (mom’s idea) to get me back. The plan worked but the relationship didn’t. That's fodder for another blog. But what seeing the 64’ Impala did was it got me to thinking about how the car industry uses to be.

I use to look forward to every September because that was when the new model cars came out. It was exciting to see what the new Ford’s, Chevrolet’s and the other models would look like. The cars had personalities. They were strong and they were fast. Some had squared shapes and others were more curved. The tail lights were different and the front grills were neat. You worked on cars with wrenches, screwdrivers and matchbook covers (to set the point gap) and you could tune the car by sound. No computers need, thank you very much. Now cars are cookie cutter similar. Foreign and domestic. The newest thing is that the car will parallel park for you. If you have a problem the mechanic will just plug it into a computer and tell you what’s wrong with the car, how much you weigh and who your first love was.

I miss the fun of being able to compare simple features and wondering what the next year model will look like. Will they have air-conditioning and power steering? Will the gear shift be on the column or on the floor? Will there be room under the dash for my 8-track? Will there be enough room to lay her down in the front seat or do we still have to go to the back seat (never mind that motel rooms cost $7 per night)? And what is FM?

Just remembering.

The Mouse

Its-a-pugs-life, Marni, has tagged me to tell about my some of my previous loves. This will take some time to think about it because I honestly do not remember most of their names. I remember the activities, but not the names. Maybe they were not “loves” but “something to do.” I liked/loved them at the time, but…

I am more excited about having the grandkids this weekend than I am about past loves. It has been almost a month since Sweet Tea and I have seen them. I have been under the weather. I came down with a case of bronchitis on November 6th. I had felt like I was coming down with a cold a couple of days before that. However, the cough set in on the sixth and I had to work the elections (13 hours) fighting the cough; drinking cough syrup like I thought it was good.

Anyway, the next Saturday we left on a Caribbean cruse with friends that I served with in the Navy. It was their 50 anniversary and they are in better shape than I am. The bronchitis moved from my chest to my ears and I went totally deaf in my left ear. There was a constant “white noise” and pain ever time I moved my head, especially if I bent over. I visited the doctor on board. You know what you call the person who graduates last in his medical school? Doctor! You know what you call a doctor who graduated last in his medical school? Ship’s Doctor. He didn’t know what to do. He though my eardrum was busted. He would do nothing because he thought my ear drum was busted. He wanted me to see an ENT when I got home. He gave me some pills and that was about it. So I didn’t visit any ports of call. I stopped by the emergency room on the way home and got some antibiotics. I still cannot hear well out of my left ear, so if you answer this blog, TYPE LOUD.

The reason I set down to write today is not because of the ramblings above, but to tell you about The Mouse. J Man and Bug are so funny. They say some the cutest things that could get them in trouble at home. They will sneak in the word “ass” or say “damn” and look kind of sheepishly out of the sides of their heads to see if me or Sweet Tea (Me Maw) heard them or are going to say something. Not happen. I love it. But they got it honest.

When Marni was crawling around the floor at my parents house, my dad would reach down and pick her up and say, “Is this the mouse of the house I just caught?” So from then on Marni has been know as “Mouse or Mousey” One day, when Mouse was six Paw Paw picked her up on his lap and asked, “What grade are you in in school?”

Mouse: “The first grade.”

Paw Paw: “Thats great! Are you teaching, yet?”

Mouse: “No, Paw Paw! I’m only six.”

Paw Paw: “Ah Pshaw!” (An old Southern saying meaning “no shit”)

Mouse: Looking at him as seriously as a six year old can said, “I ain’t shitting you, Paw Paw.”

My dad laughed about that for the rest of his life. He loved that girl.

Meanwhile, back in the day, cars did not have seat belts, where made of steel and hard plastic and could take like that would total today’s cars. So when Mouse rode with me she would stand next to me, just behind my right shoulder, her left arm propped on my shoulder. One day I was coming to a stop to make a left turn when another car cut across my front, making his left turn, and just missed my front finder. I didn’t say anything. Didn’t have time, because The Mouse looked over her left shoulder and said, “Bastard!” I had to park. She’s still that way, too. Full of surprises and humor. It’s just that her brood has had better rearing than she did.

I know! I am rambling again. But there are just soooo many stories. Mouse is one of my past/present loves.

Thanks Vets

Tomorrow is Veteran's Day. These are men and women who left their home, family and friends to serve their country. Some were drafted, some volunteered, and some were sent as a condition of not going to jail.

Each had his/her own reasons for joining and some paid with their life. But the bottom line is, they served. They may not have liked it - probably hated it - but they stayed to the end. Some stayed many years and retired. They were all changed. Some profoundly.

No matter what they did or became after their service, for a while they were heroes. I read the book and saw the TV series on A Band of Brothers, the stories of a company of 101st Air Bone Rangers who dropped behind the lines in France the day before D-Day. One of the men was the sergeant – and I apologize that I don’t remember his name – who received repeated praise for his heroism and sound judgment and leadership. After the war the demons got to him and he died alone in San Francisco as a cab driver. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a cab driver. The point is, there was a time when he was strong, proud, and brave. Simply a hero.

That’s just one of millions of stories about our vets. After serving they went different ways and pursued different paths in life. They have their memories and their own stories. If you want to be fascinated and blessed just take the time to ask them what they did in the service. Some won’t, or can’t, answer. That’s okay, too. Just be aware that they have their demons because they were serving their country. Thank them anyway.

Thanks, guys and gals. OOH RAH!

Ramblings

Be it ever so humble. It’s good to be home, but it was a great week. I left before daylight last Wednesday and drove cross country to get from my house to I 85 North. I had to meet my daughters assistant at a restaurant along the way to pick up a dog and two cats to carry to NC and PA. My step-daughter, Dr. Amber, is a vet and is TOTALLY dedicated to dogs and cats (and animals in general.) She has been since she was old enough to get into the woods. Sweet tea’s house, both before we married and constantly since, has had dogs, cats, snakes, rats, ferrets, iguanas, birds and homeless boyfriends.

Someone ask on my last blog to tell stories about animal rescue. I don’t rescue animals. I eat animals. My daughter rescues animals. She is so dedicated to dogs and cats that she was Humanitarian of the Year and FSU in Tallassee during college. This is when she found her calling to work with shelters and rescue organizations in making sure animals have a better life. She feels the same way about having kids as I feel about animals. She thinks they would be good to eat, too. It’s not her fault – I blame her real dad (another story.)

But she is so dedicated that she started a non-profit mobile spay and neuter clinic and goes all over GA doing low cost surgery for people who usually will not go to their neighborhood vet. She works through rescue organizations, pet stores and other organizations providing community services. So I help her out sometime by delivering rescued animals to different parts of the country. Enough of this!

I left Charlotte going up I 77 to I 81 through VA, WV, and PA before turning off in Allentown heading toward NJ. It took about 14 hours because of the stops to drop off the animals. But the drive was beautiful. The NC and VA mountains and vistas were some of the prettiest scenery I have seen in years (next to Sweet Tea, of course.) When I travel by car I ALWAYS take a few audio tapes with me to while away the time. However, this time I missed the first hour of the first tape after I realized I had left my camera at home. So the first hours I was saying over the tape, “damn, damn, damn…” Then my throat became sore so I stopped for a cup of coffee (no kin) and I felt better.

New Jersey is one of my favorite States. The two this I hate about the place is that when you cross the boarder in to the State you need to put on a kidney belt because the roads are so rough (PA, too.) And the other is that it is a bastion of Godless heathens and Democrats (they are sometimes interchangeable.) But it is a beautiful State. Unlike GA, the place is full of hard wood trees. Even in the most densely populated areas there are deer feeding in neighborhoods and company grounds. This time of year there are reds, yellows and browns of the fall colors all over the place. Blowing on the roads as cars go by (oh yeah! I hate the semi’s there) and making the place look like Walt Disney threw up there.

While there Sweet Tea and I got a chance to go to Gettysburg, and, to a Southern Boy who loves history, I was in hog haven. We took the tour and one of the markers was of the Georgia Infantry. It wasn’t a great monument. It looks like a 20’ high Washington Monument with a flat top haircut. In a simple and stately fashion it bears the GA state seal. But the inscription is a poignant remembrance of the dead sons:
“We sleep here in obedience to law
When duty called, we came
When country called, we died.”

I brought me to teas. This is how I feel about our guys today. They are my new heroes and deserve all the respect, support and love we can give them. They are not serving because they were drafted. They volunteered to give up family, friends and a comfortable way of life to go into harms way, or just to serve at some outpost or raging sea somewhere in the world. God bless the all.

I am rambling. Sorry!

I'm Out Of Here

I am going to NJ to meet Sweet Tea for a few days, maybe a week. I have to deliver some dogs and cats for my vet-daughter, too. She does animal rescue and I deliver animals to other states for her as she needs it. So I will be stopping off in NC and PA for deliveries and to pee. I was going to fly to NJ, but she needed help, so…

I don’t know if I will have access to a computer or not, but if I do I’ll keep in touch. If not, I’ll have a shit-pot full of reading when I get back.

Bye, y’all

REDNECK LOVE POEM

Sweet Tea is in N.J. for a few weeks and I miss her so much. I found a poem I thought she might appreciate. What do you think?

Collards is green,
My dog’s name is Blue,
And I’m so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like con silk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s
And without all them fleas.

You move like the bass
Which excite me in May?
You ain’t got no scales
But I luv you anyway.

Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
Just a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”
Right out of the can.

You have some’a yore teeth,
For which I am proud:
I hold my head high
When we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions,
When you shave under yore arms,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven,
And awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles
And fiux what you can.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those fire ants
I found in my bed.

Your cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You park up my life
More than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin’
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin’.

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
“That’s impressive,” I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,”
They explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
These won’t do.
Cause yor’e too special,
You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
Without taste or oder,
More useful than diamonds…
IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTER!

What do you think folks? Will this melt her heart? Maybe when I get up there next Wednesday, I’ll hold her in my arms and tell her that her eyes look like two hen turds in a bowl of clabber, and that her ears are as cute as mud flaps on a gopher’s ass. Yep! That should do it.

More of the same except

Ditto!

Except, Sweet Tea is in New Jersey for the next three weeks, so I do not have to take her a tea in the afternoon for awhile. That really messes up my routine. But I will adjust. Besides, I went to a friend of ours 40 birthday party tonight. She is a single mom of two girls – one in college and one in middle school. She is a sweetheart and is a lot of fun to be around. I think she is gay. It’s okay if she is, but… She has a boyfriend and they are real cute together. But she has the butch hair combed back like a man. She wears men’s shirts, jeans and loafers. And all of this doesn’t mean shit, but I wonder. I have always heard that it takes one to know one, and since I admit to being a lesbian, well…

Why I Don't Blog More

My daughter and niece think I should publish more on this blog. Why? As my bio say’s I am old and I’m boring, and, besides, what would I write about? I enjoy reading other people’s blogs and making an occasional comment, but that’s about it.

Well, let me try by letting you know a little about my life. I am retired. I do an occasional accounting function (billing and receivables, and bank recon for a friend in the insurance business) that takes all of 10 hours a month. I read, watch TV and review my daughters blog pals sites.

I wake up in the morning between 8:00 am and 10:00 am. I piss. I know! That’s a bit of information you probably didn’t need to know, but it’s a big part of my day. It feels good and makes me happy.

I then go downstairs and make a cup of coffee, check out the computer, watch GMA, Regis and Kelly, either Montel or Magnum PI and The View if there is someone of interest on there that will make it worth me having to set though an hour of Rosie O’Donnell. Then I go get some lunch.

I piss again, or anything else that might need to be taken care of. It seems the most activity I get during the day is pissing. I have an enlarged prostate and take Flowmax to control it, but it still feels good so I look forward to the next time I have to go.

I read some more, take a nap, and pee. I know I need to get out and do things. I thought about walking, but I laid down on the couch until the feeling passed, then I was alright. Especially after I peeded.

I started going to the senior center here in town. I volunteered my time and set up their member files on the computer, set up forms to keep track of their trips, showed them how to build a program in Excel to forecast their budgets, etc. After that it got boring. I don’t have anything in common with those old people, except that I am a veteran. But those guys are heroes - WWII, Korea and Viet Nam COMBAT veterans. I have too much respect for them to set and claim I am a veteran. It’s just not the same thing.

Anyway, I wait for my wife, Sweet Tea (or Me Maw), to get off work and go to her second job at Home Depot. I meet her and hand off a sweet tea to get her through the shift. I feel guilty about this, but with my lower back and general health, I cannot put in the hours of standing and walking that is required for most jobs, and I DO NOT want to go back into the corporate world again. So we are working on some things for the future but, until then, she will do the two job thing.

In the evening I take the dogs out for their afternoon constitutional, and, yes, I pee with them out side. Because it feels good.

I watch TV until Sweet Tea gets home, then we discuss stuff before she goes to bed. I usually mosey up to join her around 2:00 AM. Then it starts over. So if I am to keep a daily blog, all I will have to do tomorrow is say, “Ditto.” Then the next day, “Ditto.” So on and so forth until something actually happens in my life. I will say the Monday I go for training as a pole worker for the upcoming elections. And the day before and the day after the elections in November I will be going around placing precinct signs at the poling places and picking the up after the elections. Those three days, plus the training, will cut sharply into my peeing time. And I’m not to happy about that.

Life At Sea

I was watching an old movie about the US Navy and life at sea. It is amazing how they depict life on a Navy ship. And for you landlubbers (except for a submarine) they are called SHIPS. A submarine is called a boat from tradition. Anyway, I watch the movie and noticed that everyone walked normal. No one swayed, staggered or held on to object as they move around the ship. Coffee cups were laid on the tables and desk without support. Curtains (on a Navy ship?!?) did not swing to and fro. The only time I ever saw conditions like that was when we were in dry docks.

There are two things that are constant on a ship; movement and noise. Even on a calm day, which is rare, the ship is still moving up and down and left to right. With three foot swells you are walking up hill leaning to the right then down hill leaning to the left. During a storm or typhoon (especially a typhoon) a wise seaman will go from uncomfortable to petrified in a matter of seconds. The ship I was on (USS Frank E. Evans DD754) could take a 45 degree roll and still recover, but if a wave hit her again while at this angle, she could role on over. Many have. So, as a cocky 18 year old, I see a man with many years of sea experience turn white and swallow hard, it is pretty obvious that I should be concerned. But those were the extremes.

On normal sea duty you eat, sleep, work and relax on constant noise and movement. You learn to eat with one hand while holding the food tray with the other hand trying to keep it level. You stand with you legs spread wide and knees slightly bent to absorb the jolts and swings. If for some reason you wake up and it is totally quiet, you don’t ask what’s going on. You get your butt topside and on the main deck as soon as you can. If everything is okay, you can go back for your clothes later. If not, then you have a better chance of survival than being trapped blow deck (like 74 sailors, one my friend, did when the Evans was cut in half in 69’ and the front half went down in under three minuets.)

Despite the danger and all, it was still a pretty good life. There’s danger in everything we do, so you don’t dwell on that aspect. So the next time you watch a movie about the Navy, remember it’s just a movie. If you want to know what it is really like, talk to a sailor (and thank him/her for serving while we slept safe and comfortable.)

As the saying goes, "If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read this in English, thank a vet."