Showing posts with label Grandpa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grandpa. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Grandpa's Wisdom...

















Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past, but never the present.

The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.

Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, make beds and is in good health, plus he's already used to taking orders.

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Old age is when former classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Difference Between Grandpas and Grandmas


(Bug, J-Man, & PawPaw on Brasstown Bald the highest point in GA, Sept 27, 2009)

The Joke:

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.

Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time - just he and his granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'

'Oh yes, Papa' the girl replied, and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard, dip shit or horse's ass anywhere we went today!'

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

The Truth:

This is so true around the Coffeypot house hold, too. Once I was taking the grandkids someplace and they were climbing into the back seat. The first thing I always do is make sure they are buckled up. But they always buckle the lap belt but put the shoulder strap behind them. So I always say, “Chest!” and they know to pull the belt back across their chest.

So this time we are getting settled in for our trip and I am watching them in the rearview mirror. Sure enough, they slide the belt behind their shoulder.

So I ask them, “Okay! What’s the first thing I say when y’all get in the car.”

J-Man says, “Shut Up!”

The little shit would have gotten the crap beat out of him, but I was laughing to hard to even drive, much less give him the thrashing he deserved. He still lives.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Grandma Wanted a Pet


An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched, but nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog.

As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her and whispered: "I'm lonely, too. Buy me and you won't be sorry!"

The old lady figured what the heck (did ever occur to her to think ‘Holy Shit, a talking frog - that can wink‘?,) and she hadn't found anything else. So she bought the frog and put him in the car.

Driving down the road the frog whispered to her: "Kiss me and you won't be sorry."

The old lady figured again what the heck, and kissed the frog. Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous sexy young handsome prince.

The prince then kissed the old lady back. And guess what the old lady turned into???

Come on.... Guess!

Ooooooohhhhhhh.... Come on!

THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO THE FIRST MOTEL SHE COULD FIND.

She's old....... NOT DEAD!!!!!
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Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Albert's Trip To The Store

 

A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It is obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle; cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their respective aisles.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long--easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

Finally at the checkout counter, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps, again in a controlled voice says, "Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert."

Extremely impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She says, "You know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were simply amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "I'm Albert--the little shit's name is John!"
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