I'm A Celebrity

I’m a celebrity!

Let me explain!

I picked up the J-Man and Bug (the grand-kiddies) this afternoon for our weekend visit. It was just the three of us and we stopped off at a sports bar for a great order of Buffalo Wings. It is one of J-Man’s favorite eating places because the waitresses are so hot (he’s a 14 year old hard-on) and I like their wings. Honest, it’s the wings that keeps me coming back. I don’t know anything about their breast. Honest! They never cross my mind. It’s the wings…

Anyways, we finished and I paid the bill. The kiddies went to the restroom and when we came back they just swung by the table. So I was getting up to follow them when this beautiful little lady got in from of me and asked if my wife was with me.

My first thoughts were, “I’m sorry, lady, for what ever I did, but you don’t have to tell my wife about it. I’ll settle out of court - in cash - if you will just let me leave without any trouble.” or “Why does she want my wife??? What did I do??? I’ve never seen this lady before in my life.”

Then, in the midst of my panic she said, “I have been following Marni for ages. I recognize the kids from pictures on her blog and I emailed her about a book one time. I don't have a blog; I just lurk.”

Whew! I almost passed out with relief and started to kiss her for not having charges brought against me. Then I thought, “Great! Just fucking great. You get off the hook and jump right back on the damn thing by attacking this lovely little lady.”

I do shit like that all the time, and I don’t know how it happens. Read my post on going to the movies by myself if you don’t believe me. And, so far, I haven’t had to do any time or pay for any abortions or child support. But this could have been the exception - because I do weird shit and have senior moments where I don‘t remember stuff.

Anyways, I told her Marni is my daughter and her eyebrows went up and she grabbed my arm and said, “Are you Coffeypot? Oh my God, I have been reading your blog for a long time.” I was embarrassed that this beautiful, smiling, vitreous, little lady had been reading my blog. Her virgin eyes should not be seeing stuff like I put out. Recon her mom knows? I may be in lockup before the night is over after all.

She then turned to her friend at their table and said she was so excited about meeting a celebrity. That’s when I started laughing.

I called Marni, who was having her hair done, (see)

and let them do the ‘girl meeting girl thingy’ females and some gays are so famous for. In the meantime I gathered up the kids who were chomping at the bits to get outside and jump some bushes because that is what bored kids do.

We talked for a few minutes and made her promise to comment next time she came to Marni’s or my blog. She doesn’t have one because, like many of us who first started this weird world of blogging thought, she wasn’t funny and that no one would want to read her stuff. Silly girl. If she only knew.

Anyway, her food was getting cold and her beer warm so before I left I ask her to let me take her picture. I didn’t ask her if she minded my saying her name (or that I was going to blog about this,) so I will just call her Smiley.

Ain't she purty!

That was one of the nicest and strangest things that has ever happened to me, and it made my night. I’m a celebrity! So y’all start treating me with more respect. And I will send out autographed photos of myself to the highest bidders.

Chao! (that's what us celeb's say when we leave the room.)

Leftover Pets Voting

Peeps, it’s that time of the year again. My step-daughter, Dr. Amber, needs your help again this year. Actually she needs your fingers. No money (unless you have a craving to send some to her,) needed, no personal information needed. Just your fingers.

Since last year I have had some pretty cool people join the Coffeypot team, so I will take a minute to explain what is going on. As you know I make a dog run to NY once or twice a month to deliver 20 to 30 dogs and puppies to no-kill shelters for adoption. This is done through Amber's non-profit organization, Leftover Pets.

Amber is a veterinarian and travels all over North Georgia doing low cost spaying and neutering and minor medical treatments for dogs and cats for the county shelters. She is listed on Pet Finders.com and other pet adoption sites and is one dedicated lady when it comes to animals.

Each year there is a contest where people sign on to the Pet Finders website. The shelter (which Amber also has at her home, which has plenty of room with dog runs, modern cages, etc.) The shelter with the most votes in the state gets some amount of money, and the number on in the country gets bunches of money.

Last year Amber came in 3rd in the state (not bad for a two person operation) out of 11,000, and 81st in the country of thousands of shelters. Much of her success came from my peeps on the blog and I am asking for your help again this year. You can vote once a day until Dec. 20th. Any and all votes will be appreciated more than you will ever know. Much of her business is from donations and contest like this one.

If you are willing to help out go to http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3 and enter the name Leftover Pets in Georgia, city Braselton and enter. Usually all you have to do is put left and the city and state and it will work, too. That will save some keying on your part. Then when her site comes up, just key the VOTE button and it is done.

Thank you for any thing you do.

Jokes later!

Ditto

 
I know it's too early, but this tickled the shit out of me.

School Answering Machine Message

I stole this from my buddy, Daffy, from Batcrap Crazy (http://batcrapcrazy.blogspot.com/) that most of you already visit. But I thought this was so funny that the rest of you needed to see it, too. Those of you who don't visit her, shame on you. She is funny and crazy and daffy and I love her site.

The Economy Is So Bad That...

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

The economy is so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 Ouncer.

The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.

The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off judges.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.

Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

A Hunting Accident

A hunter was out one morning when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his shotgun.

A gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and shot him right in the genitals.

Lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. There was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot".

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister in New York".

The hunter asks. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly" answered the doctor, "She plays the flute. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

2010 Masters Cancelled

2010 Master's Cancelled .....
Winner already announced.....

Guess he earned it just like he did his Nobel Peace Prize!!!!!

Change You Can Believe In and Just Plain Silly

I don't care what political party you belong to, but I ask, can you imagine Barbara or Laura Bush or any other American President and his wife ever appearing in public dressed this Way? He looks like the Chicago Pimp that he really is.


Equally as silly:

War Song

This is OAR, a rock group who sings the awesome WAR SONG.

My friend, Citizen Soldier Sojack at http://sojack.blogspot.com/, is in the Army or Reserves and is being deployed soon. She has this exclusive video posted on her site. Go watch it.

She doesn’t post often, but when she does, it is pretty good stuff. - even though she is an officer.

Let me know what you think, and join the group Open Up Your Arms (http://www.openupyourarms.org/) to support our troops.

One Final Haloweene Story

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding!

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance. He carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road.

After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"

Bob brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."

Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly.

Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace.

He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! .....The Hills are alive, with the sound of music!"

Testosterone

I was at the sports bar yesterday haveing an afternoon beer and talking with a few dudes. As usual it was all testosterone and chest pounding (which makes me cough, by the way) when the subject turned to their wives.

They got to bragging about how they are the king of the castle, how they handled their wives and how dominate they are. I was just listening and chuckling inside. Then one of the dudes looked at me and mentioned that I was being awfully quiet. I told them there was nothing to say, that, like Friday night my wife and I had an argument and I had her crawling to me on her hands and keens.

They were very impressed and ask me what she said. I told them that she reached out and raised the bed sheets and said, “Come out from under there and fight like a man.”

DST Ends Tonight

The time rolls back one hour tonight. This means an extra hour of sleep for those who observe the Daylight Savings Time rule each year. Not every state observes this practice, though. Arizona and Hawaii are the only two states who do not, and stay on ‘Standard Time‘ all year.

I find it strange how some people are effected by just one hour adjustment in time either way. I often wonder if this change in the body clock is actually a physical thing or psychological. I tend to think it is a combination of both.

As for me, I only get around three to five hours sleep a night (but cat-nap during the day) and my body is not controlled by a strict regiment or routine. So when the time changes, it means nothing to me. Except for one time.

During my boot-camp training at the US Naval Training Center San Diego (Co. 537, 1962), there is a week called ‘Service Week.’ During the forth week of training each company has to perform services for the rest of the boot-camp trainees. My company (except me) had to pull service in the chow-hall. This meant that we had to get up 4:00 A.M. to get to the chow hall to prepare for breakfast, wash pots and pans and clean up afterward, take a small break and start up again for the noon meal and again for the dinner meal, finishing up around 8:00 P.M.

Then you had to go back to the barracks and wash clothes and hang them out to dry overnight (hoping it didn’t rain.) This meant that lights-out was at 10:00 P.M. and those who were behind had to work in the dark, stand watch, or pass out form exhaustion only to be awaken at 4:00 A.M.

I said the this was my companies life that week but not me. I was given the assignment of being a messenger for the Master at Arms in the Admin Building. I delivered messages and packages all over the base on a bicycle, and I had to march the men in the brig over for meals (not a fun thing.) But much of the time was spent in the office of the Master at Arms reading books on Naval History and other military related stuff. But I still had to wake up with the company and do all the A.M. chores required by each company like cleaning the showers and the head (Navy term for shitter - uh - bathroom) and sweeping and swabbing (mopping) the barracks. This fell on me as I didn’t have to report to the Adman Building until 8:00 A.M.

But that October Saturday night of week 4 was the fall changing of the time and everyone got an extra hour sleep.

It was amazing how much happier and rested we felt with that one extra hour sleep. And it was Sunday morning and the last day of service week. It was like Christmas morning. The guys were laughing and joking around while the Shit, Shower and Shaving was going on. Even the recruits coming in for the meals seemed happier. And we kept telling each other that it was the extra hour sleep that made the difference. Did it? Or did we just think it did? Don’t know for sure.

So I guess it does play in physically as well as mentally how the time change effects us (uh, y’all.) How does it effect you?

But more important, don’t forget to change your clocks back tonight, no matter if you are in boot-camp or not.

My Wife's Mood Swings

I have been concerned with Judy’s mood swings lately. So to help me understand her moods more, I bought her a Mood Ring.

I discovered that when she’s in a good mood, it turns green.

But when she’s in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on my forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy her a diamond....

Got A Prescription

I went to the doctor today. I just wasn’t getting better and actually felt a little worse, so I made the phone call. Good news is I don’t have the flu of any variation. Bad news is I have a bug of come kind. I called Orkin, but they wouldn’t come out.

So I did the next best thing. I got the doctor to give me a prescription for some antibiotics. There is nothing that can be done for a viral infection, but the coughing and stuff that is in the ‘bug’ category can be handled, controlled, or hopefully cured with a good antibiotic. I was assigned a drug called Clarithromycin ER. I will have to wait a day or two to see how great this drug is for my old body.

But let me ask you something. One the label, along with personal information and phone numbers and stuff is this instruction: “Take two tablets by mouth every day with food.” Now I have no problem with the two tablets every day with food. But why the by mouth?

Do you really believe that there are some people out there who would take the vile of pills and read the instructions without the ‘by mouth’ and not know that it is to be taken my mouth? Someone who would take the vile and say, “Man, I think I will put the two pills up each nostril and let the snot dissolve them.” or “ I wonder if the antibiotics with get into my system faster if I put one in each ear?” Maybe they would think that they would add a little sexy excitement to their life by shoving the two pills up their ass.

Okay, I know I’m not hip (if y’all even say that word anymore) to many of the new words and sayings like ‘Word’ or ’Snap’ or ‘Fazzile’ or "May ah gank some toothpaste? All ye damn hood ratz." But are people just that stupid that they have to be told to take the pills by mouth? To me, when a doctor or pharmacist gives you a vile of pills, unless it specifically states to shove one up your ass or dissolve in water or juice, I am going to take it by mouth. How ‘bout you?

The Weather Forcast

Does this mean we are in for a long hard winter?

Ill, Sick, Under the Weather, Not Feeling Good

I haven’t been feeling well the past couple of days.

No fever; No throwing up; No screaming shits; No aches or pains.

Just a soar throat and NO energy.

Coughing a little bit, but more of a dry cough.

My main nutritional intake has been throat lozenges.

I did have a bowl of soup around noon.

Tried blogging, but just don’t feel like it.

Tried calling friends, no one wants to talk.

Wife worked from home today, but she knows better than to bug me when I am sick.

So I am going back under the covers and see what tomorrow brings.

The Navy Chief

The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "You! Get over here! What's your name sailor?"

"John," the new seaman replied.

"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Chief'. Do I make myself clear?"

"Aye, Aye Chief!"

"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"

The seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief."

"Okay, John, here's what I want you to do ...."

True Love

An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old bitch what it is."

Afghanistan War, President Obama, McChrystal

Peeps, let me take a break on the humor and idocy here to let you know there is a new blogger among us who is trying to get his feet wet and pass on his thoughts and stories of his service in Iraq and at home. Hope (at Hope Radio on my blog roll) pimped him first and now it’s my turn.

He calls himself Dacker and he is on my blog roll as Some Iraq Veteran (http://www.someiraqveteran.com/). So far he has posted some pretty good stuff, especially about his visits to his local VA Hospital for help with his PTSD. Nothing self-pitting, but about his observations during the visit. He’s a cool dude and you would be remiss if you don’t stop by and give him a boost up the blog ladder. He deserves to be heard.

As an example of his commitment to blogging he posted this YouTube video and gave me permission and encouragement to pass it on. This is very powerful stuff and any of you who wish to plug it into your site or e-mail it to your peeps (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3czbVcwowlQ), please do so.



The bottom line is this is a war in Afghanistan and it is going bad for our guys because of indecision by a very inept leader who has no business being in office. He is more concerned with sending us into bankruptcy and apologizing to the world for the U.S. being the greatest country in history. He was more concerned with getting the Olympics to Chicago than for the men who died while the was making a fool of himself. Chicago came in 4th place in the running.

Watch this and think about what is happening over there. He is no leader and he is responsible for the rising death toll in that shit hole of a place. God bless our troops and the USA.

Disturbed People Day - Everyday?

Peeps, don't take life so seriously!

DANCE!
KISS A LOT!
RELAX IN NATURE!
HAVE FUN!
AND BE HAPPY!!!!

Today is International Disturbed People's Day

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows, take the special bus or occasionally pee on yourself..

You hang in there sunshine, you're special.

Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Today's Message of the Day is:

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

Send to all the people you care for and don't want to lose in 2009, even me.

If you get 3 back, you are a great friend.

I’ve sent this out 15 times and no one has responded yet. But I’m fucking smiling.

This Is What Tolerance Looks Like

The Death Horse

I have told this story before of how I almost got killed while being on a horse.

It’s not one of my most fond memories, but I was over at Rose’s place (The Fuse Is Lit on my blog roll) reading about her former morning ritual with her horse that made me remember it. However, Rose’s story made me want to join her and just breath. Almost. I still have flashbacks to the horrendous day that makes me think before I do something like that.

It started out innocently enough with the sun shinning over a cloudless sky. The horse was there all saddled up and waiting. I did my administrations and climbed onto the saddle. But before I could get seated properly and my feet in both stirrups, the damn thing started jerking around.

The horse was going up and down and back and forth and I was hanging on for my life. I was screaming for help and, despite my death hold on the neck, I started sliding of the side. I was trying to find the stirrup to put my foot in to stop the sliding, but it was no where to be found - not that I had the time to look for it.

Between my fear, the pain in my arms from holding on to his neck so thigh and was beginning to loose grip, my screaming for help, and the unstoppable movement of the horse I was sure I was going to die.

Finally my arms begin to give way and I was sliding further off the horse. I just knew I was going under the wildly gyrating thing and be crushed to death. I was finally hanging on with one hand on the withers of the neck but was just about to fall under the damn thing when the Wal Mart manager ran out and unplugged the ride.

I still have flashbacks to this day. (shudder)

GOP Has Balls

From Heather!

Parking In Australia

Well it is a brilliant idea from my friend Stacy Artis. At least women can feel safe now in Australia.


Another New Law:

With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Brisbane City Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot at the Westfield Shopping Centre in Carindale.

Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons.

Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Australia.

FFFFUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!

I woke up this morning to the Blue Screen of Death on my desktop PC.

Normally I wouldn’t care. The damn thin is close to 4 years old, and that is in the senior citizen category as far as computers are concerned. Normally I would just act like a Democratic Liberal and just let the old fucker die and send it on to the scrap pile. But, I am a Republican (for the most part) and, like our older generation, there is information that needs to be saved and shared. I have all my banking information, pictures, and correspondence on the fucking hard drive. I cannot lose that stuff.

So I have been out looking at new computers to put any saved stuff into. From what I understand about repairing and restoring hard drives, it is just as cheap to buy a new one. Five to Eight hundred bucks will give me a new PC with more memory, and Windows 7 (which is suppose to be the best MS has ever put out and not as many errors) and a warranty. I have a tech who lives in the ‘hood coming by this afternoon and checking it out. I’ll make a decision as to which way to go then.

Do y’all have any advice or know anything about the BSoD? I’m just hoping I can retrieve the info because I am leaning toward a new PC. I like new - except when it comes to women.

Thank you very much!

The Best Halloween Costume Ever

Testicle Therapy

I don’t play golf at all. But I will occasionally go out with some other men in the ‘hood just to get out of the house.

On day I was with them and I noticed two women coming up behind us. One teed off and I watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward our foursome. Then, as I watched but was unable to move from shock, the ball hit ME. I immediately clasped my hands together at the groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to me, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,’ she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' I replied, though I was in horrible agony. By then I was lying in the fetal position, still clasping my hands there at the groin.

At her persistence, however, I finally allowed her to help. She gently took my hands away and laid them to the side, loosened my pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and then asked, 'How does that feel'?

‘Feels great,’ I replied, ‘and don’t stop, but I still think my thumb's broken!’

(Thanks, Biddie, for the joke)

Drunk In The Rain

(This Picture Has Nothing To Do With The Story - I Just Thought It Was Hilarious)

So back to the story:

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Who was that?' asked his wife.

'Just some drunken guy asking for a push,' he answers.

'Did you help him?' she asks.

'No, I did not help him,’ he said sarcastically, ‘it is 3:00 in the morning, and it is pouring rain out there!'

'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'

'Yes,' comes back the answer.

'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.

'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.

'Where are you?' asks the husband.

'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.

Friday Humor

Plumber With A Sense Of Humor! Gotta Love This Guy!!


This Is What Sorry Looks Like


Privacy Please!


Try To Hold It??!!


Good Reason To Wear Pajamas To Bed


Tattoo Of The Year


Latest Grill Accessories - A Must Have

Question

What Gets Longer When Pulled,

Fits Between your Boobs,

Inserts Neatly in a Hole

AND Works Best When Jerked?









A Seatbelt you pervert! Buckle up!

Blond Corn Maze

Skating Through Life

Anyone remember these? Steel wheeled one-size-fits-all roller skates that required a skate key to make them fit.

First of all you have to turn the skates over and loosen the nut in the middle with one end of the skate key. Then you have to adjust the length by sliding the front half back and forth. Once the skate fits your shoe, the nut had to be tighten again.

Then you put your foot (preferably with shoes on - more about that later)in the skate and put the ankle strap on snugly. Then you take the skate key to the side of the skate, up near the front, and tighten the clamps to the soles of the shoe. Then repeat the procedure with the other foot.

Now you are ready to skate on any sidewalk or street that is paved or concrete. They don’t work too well on dirt roads, though some of those hard, red clay roads in the summertime could be skated on, but the rocks makes it a little dicey.

There were three things that were staples for boys at Christmas, a cap gun set of your favorite cowboy, a bicycle and a pair of roller skates. Girls got the bikes with the lowered down cross bars so we couldn’t see their panties when they go off the bikes, their favorite doll, a kitchen set and roller skates. On Christmas morning, if the temperature was above 20 degrees, there were kids skating on the roads like ants on sugar cubes.

The problem was, the clips on the toes of your shoes would rip the soul from the shoes if you hit a bump or sidewalk or someone’s head or stuff, and that would make our moms as happy as a lobster in boiling water - only hotter. My mom would raise holy hell because the shoes were only a month old. Didn’t matter that I was growing out of them anyway. So she did what any frugal mom would do, she got an older pair of shoes and cut the toes out of them. Since the older shoes were smaller, the skate had to be adjusted to fit the smaller size. So I had to skate with my toes hanging over the edge of the skates.

That was difficult to do so I would take the shoes off and tap my bare feet to the skates. I would cut out a piece of cardboard and put it between my feet and the skate and off I would go. Of course the souls of my feet were hard enough to scratch a match on. My dad did it several times to show his friends.

Why were they so hard? From the time school was out for the summer, the only time I wore shoes was to go to church or go down town with mom to pay bills - or to skate. Also, I was raised on a major thoroughfare two lane road. I skated and rode my bike on that road with cars and trucks going by two feet away. And there was no such thing as a helmet. And we never lost a kid in my school to head injuries. But the most fun things was to grab a bumper and ride the bike or skates like the wind. Skates only on the slower cars when the traffic was heave.

So, do you let your kids do things like that?

I'm My Own Grandpa

I have this strange predicament. I’m my own grandpa. This isn’t as strange as it sounds here in the South. Ray Stepens has the same problem, but he put his to music. Here tis:


Undersand, now? No! Okay, here's the same song with a flow chart.

Got it now? Still no? Damn, you Yankees just don't get family do ya?

Fall Into Me and A Story From My Milsupport Friend

"Fall Into Me - Sugarland"

God you have to love and respect those dedicated medical professionals serving in some mighty bad places across this old world.

I received a humorous story from one of my milsupport people vie his wife, a blogger friend. He is a surgeon in Afghanistan in a forward operating zone.

He reports that they're busy, but doing okay. Lots of patients from the local community. At one point, all of his patients in the hospital were children with burn wounds.

His wife, a nurse, commented, “I don't know how much you know about burns, but the debridement process is dreadful. These poor kids have to go through that everyday to ensure they don't get a bacterial infection. So that's what he and the team does, and hope to God that the kids are so doped up they don't feel it.”

The team loves what everyone has been sending. Everything is a morale booster. We are not sure when he will be coming home. The 82nd Airborne has been extended 3 months. Bummer. Not sure what Medcom will do, so we will wait.

Anyway, he sent this story along.

"Last night we had an interesting patient at the clinic. He is one of the local leaders and enjoys the respect and loyalty of a large following. Injured and initially treated elsewhere, he came here by helicopter for the remainder of his care.

It was late and he was very tired but people kept filing into the clinic, each wearing the standard third-world camo with sandals. I was startled as I looked up from my examination to see some thirty to forty well-wishers, crammed Kalishnikov-to-Kalishnikov (AKA weapons) into the tiny clinic, analyzing my every move.

"Late. Him rest," I tried in my primordial Pashto.

"Yes-yes, of course," they murmured. No movement.

Now through my translator, "Tell them the man is tired and must rest. Everyone who is not family must go now."

"Absolutely... good," they agreed. Nobody moved.

They continued to watch, commenting quietly to each other. A bit frustrated, my translator made another attempt. Nothing.

Finally a well-dressed young man squeezed over to me and spoke apologetically in quiet, perfect English, "I must tell you, Sir, your patient has three wives and twenty-seven children. We are, all of us, family."

Obama Picked Biden

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hey Biden

One last time, Joe,

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Obama Wins 2010 Boston Marathon

BOSTON - President Barack Obama won the 2010 Boston Marathon on Friday in a stunning decision designed to encourage him to quit smoking and keep running to stay in shape. The Boston Athletic Association announced their decision to name Obama the winner even though the race will not be run until 18 April 2010 because the president has the desire to win and has good intentions.

In announcing Obama the winner the president of the BAA said, "We must rise above the out dated measurements of what a person actually has accomplished and focus instead on their intentions and what they say they will do. Intentions and talk are what drive the world." Congressman Barney Frank and Chinese Vice President XI Jinping seated nearby reiterated these words.

The BAA also noted that no president has won the marathon before. This would set a good example for all future presidents of the United States and for other countries such as Iran and North Korea that intentions really matter.

Many observers were shocked by the unexpected decision before the race has even been run. However, when told of his win the President said he had really been thinking a lot about keeping in shape, talked with staff about cutting back on his smoking, and even read an article about the Boston Marathon.

Obama added that wining the Boston Marathon was better than any other awards he has received including his Nobel Prize, a Tony for best performance by leading actor, an Emmy for outstanding lead actor in drama series, a Golden Globe for best performance of an actor in a comedy, NASCAR Champion, World Series Most Valuable Player, Best TwitterPage, and Teleprompters of America Best Reader.

Rope Mill Under Water

Most of you know about the rains and the flooding we had here in Georgia. Places were flooded that have been flood free longer than most around here can remember. That was a couple of weeks ago, but we have had heavy rains since then.

The ground is saturated and the creeks and rivers are at flood stage and in some cases out of the banks. This is the case at a small park down in the valley of my town of Woodstock. The Little River runs through an old pre-Civil War area where a hemp rope factory was located. There is nothing on record indicating that any of the employees or the owners ever smoked any of the products, but it did put out tons of ropes for the South.

There is an old rock dam partially torn down and a slue where the river water was diverted to the rope mill to turn the water-wheel. The mill is gone now with only parts of the foundation intact. Across the rive from the mill the city of Woodstock built a park.


All the places you see are usually green with grass. There are areas where people walk the trails beside the river, or picnic on the ground or benches and it is a quiet and peaceful place.







These pictures were made two days after the rains, so the water is down some. The water was over the picnic tables yesterday, and it will back in the river banks in a few days, but it will take awhile to restore the park back to it’s original beauty.

Beware The Scam

You, my trusted peeps, are always in my thoughts. Because of this, along with my constant desire to provide the most up-to-date material, information and educational enhancing vocabularies I can find or come across, I give you this from my own experience in hopes of making the world a better, safer place.

As you know, women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. But I have never seen any warnings for men. So, I want to pass this on in case you haven't heard about it, and to save you from going through all that I have had to go through.

It’s a 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This scheme caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls came over to my car as I was packing my shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping my windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When I thanked them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead they ask for a ride to McDonalds.

I agreed and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over me. As I am about to unload myself, the other one steals my wallet. I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also October 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of an older man.

Warn your friends to be vigilant!

Your welcome!

The Dance

Recently, in a televised modern dance competition in China - a very unique couple won one of the top prizes and received the longest standing ovation.

She was a dancer, who had trained since she was a child. Tragically, she lost her entire right arm in an accident and fell into a state of depression; so she decided to coach a children's dancing group. From that point on, she realized she could not forget dancing. She still loved to dance and wanted to dance again. She tried to do some of her former routines but without her arm she had difficulty maintaining balance. She practiced strenuously and developed a dance routine - always dancing alone in her studio.

He was not a dancer. He lost a leg in an accident and he had fallen into a deep state of depression. They met - and her goal immediately became to help him become positive about life again. She taught him to dance and in her studio they danced together and developed a routine as their lives and friendship became closer.

Their life together, behind the closed doors of the dance studio - was one creativity, challenge, determination, practice and sometimes failure.Their focus was on doing what others said would be impossible..
Several times it became so difficult and frustrating for them that they gave up, broke up.
But life alone, without each other, brought them back together again and they became even more determined to perfect a dance routine to a point where they might try to dance outside the studio to see what friends and family thought about what they were doing all that time inside the studio.

Their friends and family were so supportive they encouraged the couple to enter a dance competition, which they finally agreed to do. Only later did they realize the competition was to be televised locally. We will now see the first - and to date only televised performance of their dance.......

Peeps, this goes to show you that some of us feel sorry for ourselves because we are not perfect, have flaws. Others excel in their imperfections and inspire all of us regardless of their flaws. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if, before we shuck this human bondage, we inspired someone to greatness? It hasn’t happened to me yet, but then I ain’t through with my life, either. Watch out world, Coffeypot is a coming…