The grand kids are back in school, now. But we went to Florida to take advantage of the last few days for summer freedom. We were in Panama City, and man has that place changed. The three hurricanes that hit the gulf cost summer before last was a Godsend to those people. Everything was torn up and, now most everything is new and higher – both in price and height. But the ocean was great.
Personally I loved the smell of the salt air and the fairly warm ocean water. There was a storm about 10 miles off the coast that had the waves coming in pretty high and strong. There was a 10 to 15 mile per hour breeze that kept things cooled off, and it was wonderful for about 15 minuets. Then the constant pounding of the waves, the sand sliding out from under your feet and the need to lean into the waves got to be annoying. But I had to stay because Bug was holding my arm and “riding” the waves as they came by. Occasionally she would let go and dive into a big wave, come out wiping hair and water from her face and, opening her eyes and not seeing me in front of her, I would hear, “Paw Paw?” I would have stayed till midnight if she wanted too.
Sweet Tea LOVES the ocean and Bug does too. J-Man and I lean more toward the pool. He is amazing in the water. Both the kids are. But J-Man seems born to swim and dive and do tricks in the water. He’s amazing, and funny. We were sitting around the motel room that evening and something on the TV got us taking about kissing. I said it the low, sexy voice of some comedian I heard, “Come here, baby, I’m the Love Doctor and I want to play some tonsil hockey.” J-Man laughed and said in the same voice (or as close as a twelve year old can come to low) “Come here baby and let me clean your tonsils.” And started flicking his tongue around. I laughed for most of the night. Even after he went to sleep.
But, as with all good thins, it must come to an end. We came home Wednesday to a house that had a broken air-conditioned. The inside temperature, when we got home was 85 degrees. I’m glad it was almost dark. The next day I called a few repair places until I got one to agree to come that afternoon. At the same time I had a virus, bug, worm piece of shit get into my PC and I had the help desk on the phone for over four hours. So between the two, I couldn’t leave the house. When the repair man finally showed up it was 97 degrees in the house. It was 99 degrees outside (with a heat index of 105 to 110 degrees,) but there was a breeze out there. The house was just stale, hot air. After that, it so easy for me to see how there are so many deaths from the heat every year. BTW, it is not global warming. It's called SUMMER. Anyway, I was only in my shorts and sweating like a lumberjack whore on payday. I was getting nauseated and feeling ill by the time he got the damn thing working.
So, three hundred dollars later, I was able to leave the house and go to the Waffle House where I just set in a sweat soaked shirt (I put it on when the repair man showed up because I didn’t want to distract him with my awesome old man body physique) in the freezing air-conditioning. It was heaven, and I will never complain about the WH being too cold again.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Aother Meme
My sweet daughter, Marni, has tagged me to do this meme because she said I have nothing else to do. Smart ass! Doesn’t she realize that my day is as full as hers? There are between 9 and 15 television shows, lunch at the Waffle House, honey do’s at the store, a nap, overtime in the bathroom and other time consuming activates that keep me pretty busy. She’s lucky I have a spare minuet to read her site, much less do these meme’s. But in doing so, I never realized so much shit happened on my birthday.
So, onto the rules:
You go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday (month and day)
Then you write down 3 events, 2 births, 1 holiday, and tag 5 friends.
Events:
1886: Mormon prophet, John Taylor, receives a controversial revelation on plural marriages that now divides the factions of Mormonism. The Dumb Ass.
1968: The musical Hair opened in London, where it played 1,998 performances until a closure was forced by the roof’s collapsing in July 1973.
1998: Google is established.
Births
1934 – Wilford Brimley - American actor
1943 – Meat Loaf, American singer (So it says!)
Also 1944 - coffeypot
Holiday
World Tourism Day
And now to do the obligatory tag.
coffindoger - Trish - Just because.
crazy cat woman - Because she is as crazy as I am.
Heidy - Because she is always unique.
Itchy - Because she lives in Virginia.
KB - Because he needs the exercise in writing on his new blog.
Later dudes and dudets.
So, onto the rules:
You go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday (month and day)
Then you write down 3 events, 2 births, 1 holiday, and tag 5 friends.
Events:
1886: Mormon prophet, John Taylor, receives a controversial revelation on plural marriages that now divides the factions of Mormonism. The Dumb Ass.
1968: The musical Hair opened in London, where it played 1,998 performances until a closure was forced by the roof’s collapsing in July 1973.
1998: Google is established.
Births
1934 – Wilford Brimley - American actor
1943 – Meat Loaf, American singer (So it says!)
Also 1944 - coffeypot
Holiday
World Tourism Day
And now to do the obligatory tag.
coffindoger - Trish - Just because.
crazy cat woman - Because she is as crazy as I am.
Heidy - Because she is always unique.
Itchy - Because she lives in Virginia.
KB - Because he needs the exercise in writing on his new blog.
Later dudes and dudets.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
I'v Been Tagged
I was tagged by Cindydianne. It is difficult for me to come up with eight things that might interest you because I am so damn boring. But I was tagged, so here goes:
Each player should post these rules first. Each blogger lists 8 random facts about themselves or their habits. At the end of their list should be the people who they are tagging! Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that you have tagged them.
Here are my 8 Things:
1. I am tall and slender (6’3’ normally 205lbs) however I have put on about 15 lbs and it all went to my gut. Now, when I lay down I look like a water hose with a bubble in it.
2. Back in the 70’s I raced a stock car on three of the local dirt track bull rings. But I maxed out on talent and ran out of money at the same time. But I am still a huge fan.
3. Due to not practicing the most rigorous and dedicated form of oral hygiene, combined with a dab of Diabetes, I now have an upper denture. It drives the grandkids crazy when I take it out and touch my nose to my chin, especially if I do it in a public place like the mall. When I do it they run away. I guess I embarrass them – which is the reason I do it.
4. I’ve had diarrhea for over a week – and I still have the extra 15 lbs. Went to the doctor and she said that I have too much bad bacteria in my lower intestine. I have to build up the good bacteria (good?!?) so I am on an Activia diet. It takes a couple of weeks for it to work, so, with any luck I’ll lose the 15 lbs without having to do anything different.
5. I love to laugh more than anything in the world. I find humor in EVERTHING – even myself. Poor Sweet Tea has no since of humor and she looks at me with a mixture of what is he laughing at and is he nuts. She laughs AT me sometimes, but that’s okay. At least she is laughing.
6. I had some polyps taken out of my nose a few years ago and I now have a difficult time smelling things when I am suppose to. If you stick a bottle under my nose and say smell, I can’t. But if you leave the bottle open for a while I will finally get a whiff. By the time I smell it, everyone else has already passed out. That’s the reason I have to be careful with silent farts.
7. I love history and visiting historical sites. Especially Old West and Civil War stuff. I believe that the men in the Civil War were the bravest men who ever fought a battle. What made men walk shoulder to shoulder onto open fields and face dreadful cannon fire for no more reason that love and loyalty to state and their fellow comrades is so beyond me. I’m not sure I could have done it. I’m a pussy, ya know.
8. I almost killed a man one time. But I changed my mind. And I sobered up. I don’t know which happened first, but I’m glad it did. Being someone named Bubba’s bitch in not one of the top activities I yearn for. But a big mouth and alcohol and carrying a gun and immaturity do not mix. It wasn’t until the next day that I fully appreciated what almost happened, and to this day I don’t carry a firearm with me or in my car. Like I said, I’m a pussy.
Now I have to tag some other eager beavers. So:
1. Coopergreen – But I can’t go to his site and leave a message because he has a fucked up system that will not let me comment for some reason. Recon it’s just me?
2. Eclectic Tales - Old Lady
3. GrizzBaby
4. Pug's Place - Lori
And anyone else who wants to participate, welcome. I would like to learn more about you.
Each player should post these rules first. Each blogger lists 8 random facts about themselves or their habits. At the end of their list should be the people who they are tagging! Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that you have tagged them.
Here are my 8 Things:
1. I am tall and slender (6’3’ normally 205lbs) however I have put on about 15 lbs and it all went to my gut. Now, when I lay down I look like a water hose with a bubble in it.
2. Back in the 70’s I raced a stock car on three of the local dirt track bull rings. But I maxed out on talent and ran out of money at the same time. But I am still a huge fan.
3. Due to not practicing the most rigorous and dedicated form of oral hygiene, combined with a dab of Diabetes, I now have an upper denture. It drives the grandkids crazy when I take it out and touch my nose to my chin, especially if I do it in a public place like the mall. When I do it they run away. I guess I embarrass them – which is the reason I do it.
4. I’ve had diarrhea for over a week – and I still have the extra 15 lbs. Went to the doctor and she said that I have too much bad bacteria in my lower intestine. I have to build up the good bacteria (good?!?) so I am on an Activia diet. It takes a couple of weeks for it to work, so, with any luck I’ll lose the 15 lbs without having to do anything different.
5. I love to laugh more than anything in the world. I find humor in EVERTHING – even myself. Poor Sweet Tea has no since of humor and she looks at me with a mixture of what is he laughing at and is he nuts. She laughs AT me sometimes, but that’s okay. At least she is laughing.
6. I had some polyps taken out of my nose a few years ago and I now have a difficult time smelling things when I am suppose to. If you stick a bottle under my nose and say smell, I can’t. But if you leave the bottle open for a while I will finally get a whiff. By the time I smell it, everyone else has already passed out. That’s the reason I have to be careful with silent farts.
7. I love history and visiting historical sites. Especially Old West and Civil War stuff. I believe that the men in the Civil War were the bravest men who ever fought a battle. What made men walk shoulder to shoulder onto open fields and face dreadful cannon fire for no more reason that love and loyalty to state and their fellow comrades is so beyond me. I’m not sure I could have done it. I’m a pussy, ya know.
8. I almost killed a man one time. But I changed my mind. And I sobered up. I don’t know which happened first, but I’m glad it did. Being someone named Bubba’s bitch in not one of the top activities I yearn for. But a big mouth and alcohol and carrying a gun and immaturity do not mix. It wasn’t until the next day that I fully appreciated what almost happened, and to this day I don’t carry a firearm with me or in my car. Like I said, I’m a pussy.
Now I have to tag some other eager beavers. So:
1. Coopergreen – But I can’t go to his site and leave a message because he has a fucked up system that will not let me comment for some reason. Recon it’s just me?
2. Eclectic Tales - Old Lady
3. GrizzBaby
4. Pug's Place - Lori
And anyone else who wants to participate, welcome. I would like to learn more about you.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Humans Are Not So Tough
Humans aren’t so tough. For the most part we are fat, dumb and lazy. Okay, I'm just F.D.&L. Oh, yeah, we invented computers, television, wireless telephones, tampons and vibratos. We have extended life by inventing miracle drugs and HMO’s (just kidding). But we have lost some things, too. Our ability of survive by using our sense of smell and vision, cunning, strength and instincts. Just using the things God (or nature, or The Force) gave us.
I don’t usually think about this stuff, but today I was coming back from the store and a black wasp landed on my windshield. No problem! He will blow off and go on his wasp-doing way when I drive off. NOT!
The wind coming over the windshield didn’t seem to bother him/her/it at all. As I picked up speed it just lay down on its side and let its wings flutter in the breeze. I got up to 60 mph and it just laid there. The only thing holding it to the windshield was his little bitty feet. Can you imagine the suction or the toe hold it had to have to accomplish that? When I came to a traffic light or stop sign, it would stand up, rub his back legs, and walk around the windshield until I started moving again. Then it would just lay on its side again. It stayed there until I stopped at a traffic light in front of a Burger King. I guess it had had enough fun for the day and was hungry because it just flew away.
A human couldn’t do that even though a human weighs a gazillion more pounds than that little black wasp. We would have to have a hand or foot hold, or both, to stay on the windshield at 60 mph. The wasp just stuck his foot on the glass and was happy. I thought I heard a tiny “weeeeee” as I was going down the road. Maybe not! But it made me feel that we humans are just not so tough.
I don’t usually think about this stuff, but today I was coming back from the store and a black wasp landed on my windshield. No problem! He will blow off and go on his wasp-doing way when I drive off. NOT!
The wind coming over the windshield didn’t seem to bother him/her/it at all. As I picked up speed it just lay down on its side and let its wings flutter in the breeze. I got up to 60 mph and it just laid there. The only thing holding it to the windshield was his little bitty feet. Can you imagine the suction or the toe hold it had to have to accomplish that? When I came to a traffic light or stop sign, it would stand up, rub his back legs, and walk around the windshield until I started moving again. Then it would just lay on its side again. It stayed there until I stopped at a traffic light in front of a Burger King. I guess it had had enough fun for the day and was hungry because it just flew away.
A human couldn’t do that even though a human weighs a gazillion more pounds than that little black wasp. We would have to have a hand or foot hold, or both, to stay on the windshield at 60 mph. The wasp just stuck his foot on the glass and was happy. I thought I heard a tiny “weeeeee” as I was going down the road. Maybe not! But it made me feel that we humans are just not so tough.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Harry Potter
I finished it.
I liked it.
I don’t feel that I was left hanging.
I miss Dobby the most.
I hope J.K. starts a new series of some sort soon. Maybe a heart tugging story centered on topless mud wrestlers from Bulgaria.
I liked it.
I don’t feel that I was left hanging.
I miss Dobby the most.
I hope J.K. starts a new series of some sort soon. Maybe a heart tugging story centered on topless mud wrestlers from Bulgaria.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Brutally Honest Personality Test
This was fun and kind of accurate - especially the ugly face part.
Your Score: Commander - ESTP
60% Extraversion, 26% Intuition, 53% Thinking, 26% Judging
It's all about action with you, isn't it? You're outgoing and right to the point. Fast moving, fast talking and often fast spending. Your motto is "Just DO it."
Wow. You move faster than the Flash on a treadmill. (Yes. I could have thought up something cleverer than that. But honestly, you're just not worth my time.)
To carry on the superhero theme, you're comparable to the Hulk. Except you're uglier. And you're slightly more intimidating. People flinch when you're around for fear you might exert your dominance and order them to do 50 press-ups.
Perhaps if you calmed down a little, people wouldn't be so scared of you. Of course, something would have to be done about your face. Is plastic surgery an option?
This insatiable appetite for action means that you're not exactly into long term commitments. You get bored incredibly quickly and tend to jump in and out of relationships like the Energiser Bunny.
Eventually you're going to run out of people to bounce to, and you will end up a very lonely and hated individual.
*****************
If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.
*****************
The other personality types are as follows...
Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
| Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test |
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Do You Know Your State's Motto
Alabama: Heck Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Prostitutes and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%## Motto? I Got Yer ##$%## Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To an Attorney
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner...
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slack-Jaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! Nerds And Slackers Overrun Us!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men and The Sheep Are Scared
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Prostitutes and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%## Motto? I Got Yer ##$%## Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To an Attorney
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner...
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slack-Jaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! Nerds And Slackers Overrun Us!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men and The Sheep Are Scared
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
More Words of Wisdom
Words of wisdom! Some you have seen before, but all have a ring of truth.
1. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
2. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
3. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
4. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
5. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the hips change places.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
8. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
9. There is always one more imbecile that you counted on.
10. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark and a team of educated, trained professionals built the Titanic.
11. It is easier to get forgiveness than to ask for permission.
12. Don’t worry what people think, they don’t do it very often.
13. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
14. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
15. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
16. A person who is nice to you but is rude to the waitress is not a nice person.
17. Its not the jeans that make your ass look fat…it’s the fat.
18. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
19. No one cares if you can’t dance. Just get up and do it.
20. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
And finally,
21. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background is that we are above average drivers
1. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
2. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
3. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
4. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
5. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the hips change places.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
8. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
9. There is always one more imbecile that you counted on.
10. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark and a team of educated, trained professionals built the Titanic.
11. It is easier to get forgiveness than to ask for permission.
12. Don’t worry what people think, they don’t do it very often.
13. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
14. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
15. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
16. A person who is nice to you but is rude to the waitress is not a nice person.
17. Its not the jeans that make your ass look fat…it’s the fat.
18. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
19. No one cares if you can’t dance. Just get up and do it.
20. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
And finally,
21. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background is that we are above average drivers
Sunday, July 15, 2007
New To The Sea
I was over at Pamela’s The Dust Will Wait neighborhood and she was talking about the experiences she had going whale watching. It brought back a few memories for me, too.
A couple of years ago Marni, with hers and me with mine, went on a cruse to Nova Scotia. On the return trip we had a pod of whales follow us for about half an hour. It was neat to see them blowing and diving. But I didn’t get seasick. I did, however, get seasick the fist time I went to sea.
I had just reported aboard my ship (USS Frank E. Evans DD754) and the next week we went to sea. When I first went aboard I was in the deck force (painting and chipping, swabbing and sweeping.) When we pulled out it was windy and stormy and the ship was really rocking and rolling. I was stuck inside and couldn’t get any fresh air, orient myself to the horizon or any other trick to staying nourishly sound. So, I got sick. The problem was that the “barf bucket” was under the coffee urn. So, when you upchucked and came up for a breath you would get a whiff of the hot coffee aroma (as strong smelling and with the consistity (sp) of burnt motor oil.) So you upchuck again and again until you get the dry heaves. I had to stick my finger up my ass and crook it to keep from throwing it up, too. But the next day I was able to go out on the deck and reorient myself and I was okay after that. I survived but I did have sore ribs for a day or so. And I had to live through the ribbing from all the “old salts” for quiet a few weeks. Those “old salts” were only eighteen to twenty years old, but they had been to sea before.
A few days later I had to stand the mid-watch (midnight to four in the morning) as lookout on the top of the bridge. The next morning they call me up to the bridge and showed me the mess someone made throwing up over the side of the ship. Because I had been sick the first day out, they assumed it was me. I tried to tell them I didn’t do it, but they made me scrub down the bulkhead (wall) anyway. I believe it was a petty office that was coming of a drunk (sometimes the hard drinkers would sneak a bottle aboard and have a nip or two or twenty) and got sick, but I couldn’t say that. And they didn’t want to hear it anyway. I was the newest crew member (boot) and I had to pay my dues. So I scrubbed puke. It’s wasn’t too bad. It was dry and flakey so I came off real easy.
We were out for three weeks that time and ran through two more storms, but I didn’t get sick again. I became an ole salt. So salty that if I need salt on my food, all I had to do was rub my finger over the food and the salt would drop off. It wasn’t long after that I discovered alcohol and whore houses. Ah, the Navy experiences. Interesting way to grow up, don’t ya think?
A couple of years ago Marni, with hers and me with mine, went on a cruse to Nova Scotia. On the return trip we had a pod of whales follow us for about half an hour. It was neat to see them blowing and diving. But I didn’t get seasick. I did, however, get seasick the fist time I went to sea.
I had just reported aboard my ship (USS Frank E. Evans DD754) and the next week we went to sea. When I first went aboard I was in the deck force (painting and chipping, swabbing and sweeping.) When we pulled out it was windy and stormy and the ship was really rocking and rolling. I was stuck inside and couldn’t get any fresh air, orient myself to the horizon or any other trick to staying nourishly sound. So, I got sick. The problem was that the “barf bucket” was under the coffee urn. So, when you upchucked and came up for a breath you would get a whiff of the hot coffee aroma (as strong smelling and with the consistity (sp) of burnt motor oil.) So you upchuck again and again until you get the dry heaves. I had to stick my finger up my ass and crook it to keep from throwing it up, too. But the next day I was able to go out on the deck and reorient myself and I was okay after that. I survived but I did have sore ribs for a day or so. And I had to live through the ribbing from all the “old salts” for quiet a few weeks. Those “old salts” were only eighteen to twenty years old, but they had been to sea before.
A few days later I had to stand the mid-watch (midnight to four in the morning) as lookout on the top of the bridge. The next morning they call me up to the bridge and showed me the mess someone made throwing up over the side of the ship. Because I had been sick the first day out, they assumed it was me. I tried to tell them I didn’t do it, but they made me scrub down the bulkhead (wall) anyway. I believe it was a petty office that was coming of a drunk (sometimes the hard drinkers would sneak a bottle aboard and have a nip or two or twenty) and got sick, but I couldn’t say that. And they didn’t want to hear it anyway. I was the newest crew member (boot) and I had to pay my dues. So I scrubbed puke. It’s wasn’t too bad. It was dry and flakey so I came off real easy.
We were out for three weeks that time and ran through two more storms, but I didn’t get sick again. I became an ole salt. So salty that if I need salt on my food, all I had to do was rub my finger over the food and the salt would drop off. It wasn’t long after that I discovered alcohol and whore houses. Ah, the Navy experiences. Interesting way to grow up, don’t ya think?
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
You Know You Are Old When
You know you are getting old when you feel bad in the morning with out having any fun the night before, and going to the doctor means you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
But with age comes skills. It's call "multi tasking." I can laugh, cough, sneeze, fart and pee at the same time.
And I have my hand in a cast. I banged it up the other night on the night stand when I woke up with an erection and my hand was asleep. I was trying to wake it up. You see, Sweet Tea is in New Jersey and has been for over two weeks, so I can't afford to loose any opportunities.
But with age comes skills. It's call "multi tasking." I can laugh, cough, sneeze, fart and pee at the same time.
And I have my hand in a cast. I banged it up the other night on the night stand when I woke up with an erection and my hand was asleep. I was trying to wake it up. You see, Sweet Tea is in New Jersey and has been for over two weeks, so I can't afford to loose any opportunities.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Tom Rush
Tom Rush has a funny song that I can relate to so well. Just highlight this rul and copy and paste in to your web page and enjoy. I would have a direct link for you but I just do not know how to do it - or post pictures - or add links - or...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yN-6PbqAPM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yN-6PbqAPM
Sunday, July 08, 2007
More Rules For Understanding Men
The last post got a couple of comments that should be addressed. Nadine wanted to know if it was that simple. And Heidi said that men are so uncomplicated. Well, yes, it is that simple and yes, we are so uncomplicated. Below are a few more rules in understanding men other than all we think, want and breath is sex. Enjoy, and if you know anymore, let me know and I will add them to the list.
GUY RULES
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
1) Men are NOT mind readers.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3) Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5) Crying is blackmail.
6) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
11) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
12) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
13) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
14) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
15) Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
16) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
17) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
18) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
19) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
20) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.......Really.
21) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
22) You have enough clothes.
23) You have too many shoes.
24) I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
GUY RULES
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
1) Men are NOT mind readers.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3) Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5) Crying is blackmail.
6) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
11) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
12) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
13) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
14) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
15) Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
16) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
17) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
18) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
19) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
20) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.......Really.
21) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
22) You have enough clothes.
23) You have too many shoes.
24) I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
What The Answer Means
I told Her Indoors that I would send a list of what women and men really mean when they answer questions. Enjoy!
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry.
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble.
7. Sure, go ahead = You had better not.
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry!
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy!
3. I am tired = I am tired!
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay!!!
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry.
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble.
7. Sure, go ahead = You had better not.
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry!
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy!
3. I am tired = I am tired!
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay!!!
Monday, July 02, 2007
Skidboot
Go to this goodle site and watch a very heart warming piece.
How can you not love a dog?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5249518974978628334&q=skidboot&hl=en
How can you not love a dog?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5249518974978628334&q=skidboot&hl=en
Friday, June 22, 2007
More MeMe
Skippy Mom tagged me to do this meme, so here goes:
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes! John the Baptist and King David. Boy were those names misplaced.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? The last time I saw a John Holms movie. It just ain’t fair.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No! After an industrial accident broke a few bones in my right hand and, with the invention of Word on the computer thus reducing my need to put pin in hand, I can’t even read most of what I write.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Hamburger, hamburger and, oh yeah, hamburger!
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes! One of my own, two with Sweet Tea and I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two showed up at my door one day.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I don’t even like me now. So, NO! Though I would try harder to be liked if I was another person. I’ll give you a dollar if you will like me.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Are you shitting me? I thrive on it. That’s why no one likes me. Even for a dollar.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes!
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I don’t lay awake at night burning with desire to do it, but, yes, I think I would if the opportunity availed itself. That’s why I avoid bungee jump sites as much as possible.
10. YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Raisin Brand! All My Children! Deadwood! Cinnamon Swirls!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes! Well! If I am wearing loafers, only if they have that little tie thingy.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically, NO! Emotionally, YES! Smelly, SOMETIMES!
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? Just plain old Vanilla! You can add some caramel topping and some nuts if you want too, please.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? If they are the pointing a gun at me!
15. RED OR PINK? Red!
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOU? Being old! Although it is infinitely better than the alternative.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Magnum, PI!
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? If they have nothing better to do, I would like to see their answers.
19. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jean shorts and black tennis shoes.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? An apple!
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The TV and the clicking of the keyboard.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Blue or an earth tone shade.
23. FAVOURITE SMELLS? Women! The lake while on the boat! The grandkids after their bath! Fresh baked bread! Fart bubbles in the bathtub! A freshly opened can of coffee or bottle of whisky!
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Sweet Tea!
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, I do!
(No idea what happened to question 26 so I’ll make up one!)
26. What is your favorite TV show? Magnum, PI and DaVinci’s Inquest!
27. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? NASCAR and Topless Mud Wrestling!
28. HAIR COLOUR? Gray – what’s left of it.
29. EYE COLOUR? Hazel!
30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Oh God NO! I can’t even take eye drops without two fat men sitting on my arms.
31. FAVOURITE FOOD? Hamburger!
32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings!
33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Bad News Bears does Debbie in Dallas! No! Wait! That’s a fantasy of mine. It would have to be Congo with the kiddies.
34. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? Not really!
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer or Winter what? They both have their place in my life.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs! Unless it is the kiddies, then BOTH.
37. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Hamburger! Oh! Sorry, that seem to be the most given answer. Dessert, huh? Apple Pie al a mode.
38. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I don’t know. I’m not sure anyone will even read this stuff.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Anyone who doesn’t read this stuff.
40. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I have three going at the moment. Personal Memoirs by Ulysses S. Grant; Were Were Soldiers Once…And Young by Harold G. Moore and Joseph L. Galloway; The Husband by Dean Koontz. It all depends on where I am as to what I am reading – my chair in the den, a restaurant or the commode.
41. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Dirt and stains!
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Studio 60 on the Sun Set Strip. Sorry! I was reading and not watching much of it.
43. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SOUND? Forty-three NASCA engines going by at full throttle or a jet engine going overhead or my grandkids laugh, or a really hot and sexy woman saying YES (I have only heard three of the four, though.)
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Maybe a rolling stone rolling over a beatle. I never like either group.
45. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Japan and Hong Kong. The question ask for the “furthest” and I don’t know if you mean feet, yards or miles. I would have to say it would be something like 20’ to the 150 something power. Just use the place names. It is easier.
46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Nothing with the lights on.
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Atlanta – Crawford Long Hospital!
48. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GET BACK? Heidi, CCW, Biddie, KLee and anyone else who wants to do it.
49. ARE YOU MARRIED? Yes
50. IF MARRIED...AND YOU WERE WIDOWED WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER REMARRIAGE? If she is a zillionaire and can suck a golf ball through a 50’ water hose, maybe. But before a woman would go out with me I would have to feed her seeing-eye dog, too. So, probably not!
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes! John the Baptist and King David. Boy were those names misplaced.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? The last time I saw a John Holms movie. It just ain’t fair.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No! After an industrial accident broke a few bones in my right hand and, with the invention of Word on the computer thus reducing my need to put pin in hand, I can’t even read most of what I write.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Hamburger, hamburger and, oh yeah, hamburger!
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes! One of my own, two with Sweet Tea and I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two showed up at my door one day.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I don’t even like me now. So, NO! Though I would try harder to be liked if I was another person. I’ll give you a dollar if you will like me.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Are you shitting me? I thrive on it. That’s why no one likes me. Even for a dollar.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes!
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I don’t lay awake at night burning with desire to do it, but, yes, I think I would if the opportunity availed itself. That’s why I avoid bungee jump sites as much as possible.
10. YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Raisin Brand! All My Children! Deadwood! Cinnamon Swirls!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes! Well! If I am wearing loafers, only if they have that little tie thingy.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically, NO! Emotionally, YES! Smelly, SOMETIMES!
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? Just plain old Vanilla! You can add some caramel topping and some nuts if you want too, please.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? If they are the pointing a gun at me!
15. RED OR PINK? Red!
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOU? Being old! Although it is infinitely better than the alternative.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Magnum, PI!
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? If they have nothing better to do, I would like to see their answers.
19. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jean shorts and black tennis shoes.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? An apple!
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The TV and the clicking of the keyboard.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Blue or an earth tone shade.
23. FAVOURITE SMELLS? Women! The lake while on the boat! The grandkids after their bath! Fresh baked bread! Fart bubbles in the bathtub! A freshly opened can of coffee or bottle of whisky!
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Sweet Tea!
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, I do!
(No idea what happened to question 26 so I’ll make up one!)
26. What is your favorite TV show? Magnum, PI and DaVinci’s Inquest!
27. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH? NASCAR and Topless Mud Wrestling!
28. HAIR COLOUR? Gray – what’s left of it.
29. EYE COLOUR? Hazel!
30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Oh God NO! I can’t even take eye drops without two fat men sitting on my arms.
31. FAVOURITE FOOD? Hamburger!
32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings!
33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Bad News Bears does Debbie in Dallas! No! Wait! That’s a fantasy of mine. It would have to be Congo with the kiddies.
34. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? Not really!
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer or Winter what? They both have their place in my life.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs! Unless it is the kiddies, then BOTH.
37. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Hamburger! Oh! Sorry, that seem to be the most given answer. Dessert, huh? Apple Pie al a mode.
38. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I don’t know. I’m not sure anyone will even read this stuff.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Anyone who doesn’t read this stuff.
40. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I have three going at the moment. Personal Memoirs by Ulysses S. Grant; Were Were Soldiers Once…And Young by Harold G. Moore and Joseph L. Galloway; The Husband by Dean Koontz. It all depends on where I am as to what I am reading – my chair in the den, a restaurant or the commode.
41. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Dirt and stains!
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Studio 60 on the Sun Set Strip. Sorry! I was reading and not watching much of it.
43. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SOUND? Forty-three NASCA engines going by at full throttle or a jet engine going overhead or my grandkids laugh, or a really hot and sexy woman saying YES (I have only heard three of the four, though.)
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Maybe a rolling stone rolling over a beatle. I never like either group.
45. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Japan and Hong Kong. The question ask for the “furthest” and I don’t know if you mean feet, yards or miles. I would have to say it would be something like 20’ to the 150 something power. Just use the place names. It is easier.
46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Nothing with the lights on.
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Atlanta – Crawford Long Hospital!
48. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GET BACK? Heidi, CCW, Biddie, KLee and anyone else who wants to do it.
49. ARE YOU MARRIED? Yes
50. IF MARRIED...AND YOU WERE WIDOWED WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER REMARRIAGE? If she is a zillionaire and can suck a golf ball through a 50’ water hose, maybe. But before a woman would go out with me I would have to feed her seeing-eye dog, too. So, probably not!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Sweet Tea
I just want the world to know that I am very proud of my Sweet Tea. She has completed her MBA program and now has a master's degree. I'm not surprised, though. She is one of the smartest and wisest women I know (after all, she married me.) Besides, now she will be home more and I will have cooked meals again, laundry done, the grass cut, the cars washed, the house painted…
Nah! I’ll just have my buddy back to watch TV and do stuff with. Spend some time on the boat, more time with J-Man and Bug and just have her around. But the difference is she now holds a piece of paper that says she is officially SMART.
Nah! I’ll just have my buddy back to watch TV and do stuff with. Spend some time on the boat, more time with J-Man and Bug and just have her around. But the difference is she now holds a piece of paper that says she is officially SMART.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Book Meme
This month’s book meme was found over at It’s a Pug’s Life and other places. I think you will see what a nerd I really am.
Here’s what you do:
• Grab the nearest book.
• Open to page 161.
• Find the fifth full sentence.
• Post the sentence.
"Sir: The distribution of the forces under my command, incident to an un-expected change of commanders, and the overwhelming force under your command, compel me, notwithstanding the brilliant success of the Confederate arms yesterday, to accept the ungenerous and unchivalrous terms which you propose." From the letter sent to Gen. U.S. Grant by Brig. Gen. S.B. Buckner, C.S.A. accepting Grant’s surrender demands from the book “Personal Memoirs” by Ulysses S. Grant.
Here’s what you do:
• Grab the nearest book.
• Open to page 161.
• Find the fifth full sentence.
• Post the sentence.
"Sir: The distribution of the forces under my command, incident to an un-expected change of commanders, and the overwhelming force under your command, compel me, notwithstanding the brilliant success of the Confederate arms yesterday, to accept the ungenerous and unchivalrous terms which you propose." From the letter sent to Gen. U.S. Grant by Brig. Gen. S.B. Buckner, C.S.A. accepting Grant’s surrender demands from the book “Personal Memoirs” by Ulysses S. Grant.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
John Enters
Her Indoors had an interesting post. One of her blogging friends gave her this suggestion and I though I would do it too. Man, how can something so random be so close to my personality? It's freaky.
Here’s what you do. Go to Google and type in your name and the word “needs.” I put in John (because that in my first name. See how easy it is. I figured it out on my own, too,) and “needs.” Like this, if you are having trouble keeping up with this: John needs! Then list the first 10 things that come up under your search. The list below is for real, people.
John needs…
1. Operation after hooker bites penis.
2. Your Bone marrow.
3. To get his patootie back here.
4. My life work.
5. Help – AnimeNation AnimeForums. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
6. Sex, Lies and Scandals
7. More Paper
8. Needs your help please. – Now that is more true than you may think.
9. New ideas.
10. Called to service again.
Strange and interesting. Try yours and let me know what happens.
Here’s what you do. Go to Google and type in your name and the word “needs.” I put in John (because that in my first name. See how easy it is. I figured it out on my own, too,) and “needs.” Like this, if you are having trouble keeping up with this: John needs! Then list the first 10 things that come up under your search. The list below is for real, people.
John needs…
1. Operation after hooker bites penis.
2. Your Bone marrow.
3. To get his patootie back here.
4. My life work.
5. Help – AnimeNation AnimeForums. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
6. Sex, Lies and Scandals
7. More Paper
8. Needs your help please. – Now that is more true than you may think.
9. New ideas.
10. Called to service again.
Strange and interesting. Try yours and let me know what happens.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
For The Love of Bug
I love my grandkids and would do anything for them, even if it means going through pain and embarrassment. Such is the case with Bug. Marni and I have been trying to get her to get her ears pierced for quiet a while. She didn’t want to because, I though, it would hurt. So, to let her know that it didn’t hurt, I said I would get my ears pierced, too, if she did it. She said no to that, too.
What I didn’t know is that she and her mother had decided to wait until after soccer season to have it done. Smart move, since there is so much sweating and dirt involved. By waiting until after the season would help keep down the possibility of infections. But did they tell me, NOOOOO.
So two of my favorite females went to the mall last week and got Bug’s ears pierced. We talked on the phone about her experience, but nothing was said about my promise. Whew! I missed the bullet. Until 10:00 p.m. when the phone rang again. I said hello and the sweet little voice on the other end said, without any hello or anything, “Another thing about my ears being pierced, you have to do yours, too.”
Damn! I told her I was surprised that she remembered since it had been a while since we had talked about it. She said that she didn’t remember. It was J-Man who reminded her – the little shit.
But I said that I was a man of my word and that I had promised, so I would do it. This is what we did last night at the mall. I got my ears pierced. I have not secretly harbored a desire to have it done. It is not anything I need to make me look good and/or sexy. I already have that in a wrinkled old man sort of way. But I promised.
I chose a 3mm titanium dull finished little doorknob looking thing. I chose that one because it is like my personality and lifestyle - dull. But I kept my word to Bug. I just hope the world doesn’t think I am trying to look young, at least until the holes heal and I can get my chain that is attached to each ear and hangs down under my chin. I can then have a place to hang my glasses and ink pins, maybe coat hangers when I am getting dressed in the morning. Or to use if I fall down and can’t get up.
But I kept my word. Next time, I will lie like a husband caught with a pair of bikini panties in his glove compartment.
What I didn’t know is that she and her mother had decided to wait until after soccer season to have it done. Smart move, since there is so much sweating and dirt involved. By waiting until after the season would help keep down the possibility of infections. But did they tell me, NOOOOO.
So two of my favorite females went to the mall last week and got Bug’s ears pierced. We talked on the phone about her experience, but nothing was said about my promise. Whew! I missed the bullet. Until 10:00 p.m. when the phone rang again. I said hello and the sweet little voice on the other end said, without any hello or anything, “Another thing about my ears being pierced, you have to do yours, too.”
Damn! I told her I was surprised that she remembered since it had been a while since we had talked about it. She said that she didn’t remember. It was J-Man who reminded her – the little shit.
But I said that I was a man of my word and that I had promised, so I would do it. This is what we did last night at the mall. I got my ears pierced. I have not secretly harbored a desire to have it done. It is not anything I need to make me look good and/or sexy. I already have that in a wrinkled old man sort of way. But I promised.
I chose a 3mm titanium dull finished little doorknob looking thing. I chose that one because it is like my personality and lifestyle - dull. But I kept my word to Bug. I just hope the world doesn’t think I am trying to look young, at least until the holes heal and I can get my chain that is attached to each ear and hangs down under my chin. I can then have a place to hang my glasses and ink pins, maybe coat hangers when I am getting dressed in the morning. Or to use if I fall down and can’t get up.
But I kept my word. Next time, I will lie like a husband caught with a pair of bikini panties in his glove compartment.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
New Drugs For Women
FUKITOL
Depressed? Overworked? Job Suck? Unappreciated? Family Problems? Money Worries? Well here is a pill for you. When life blows…fukitol.
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pi cku p trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.
Depressed? Overworked? Job Suck? Unappreciated? Family Problems? Money Worries? Well here is a pill for you. When life blows…fukitol.
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pi cku p trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.
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