Sunday, February 13, 2011

I'm Home; I'm Exhaused

I’m Home!!!



       This kind of home. 
 
               Not this kind!

But I am beat...uh...dog tired. HAHAHAHA  I kill me sometimes.(wiping tears from my eyes)

The weather men are full of shit. The whole trip was like a summers night…until I stopped to get gas. Very cold, but no snow, sleet or ice. Clear nights and sunny days. In upper NY there is still snow on the ground, because that much shit does not melt overnight. But much of it was iced and smooth and looked like porcelain.

And there was no heavy traffic, which I usually run into in NJ around 5:30 a.m. It was like a holiday. However, on the way back, on I-81 at Harrisburg there is ALWAYS a traffic jam. Largest piece of highway shit trail ever.  This time there must have been a bad accident or the DOT was working on a bridge or something, and I was rerouted South until I hit I-81 again. Slowed me down by an hour.

But I still made it to the motel by 5:00 with all the plans of eating a great steak dinner at the Texas Steak House and then some of nude blogging.  But after the shower I was asleep before the computer booted up.  No steak, either.  I did wake up for a few minutes, bathroom stuff, ya know. But went back to sleep and sayed that way untill my five a.m. wake up call.  No dinner, no diet coke, no blogging or Fbing. Just sleep! I use to be able to handle the 35 hrs without sleep okay.  Seems like no so much anymore.

I got home around 4:45 p.m. Went in the house to say hello to the grandkids and give Judy a hug. The kids were out walking the dogs, so I set down in my chair to wait for them before I unloaded the cargo van.  Woke up at 9:30. No one around, so I went down stairs to see my stepson and his new outside fire pit. They were outside eating hotdogs and smores.  Ass hats didn't even wake me up.

I fixed a couple of dogs, ate, fell asleep and the kids woke me at 11:00 going to bed.

I did too. At 11:00 fucking p.m. Peeps, I rarely go to bed that early. Usually go around 2 or 3 a.m.

I just don’t understand it. You’d think that I am 66 years old or something. Okay, okay, I am. But I don’t feel it. Most of the time. It’s just that this was an easy trip and I shouldn’t be that tired.

And I have to go back this Thursday again. Yippee!

Pray for me!
.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

First Transport Of The Year and My Blackberry Won't Work


It's that time again, peeps.  Heading for the Tundra of New York, up in the Catskills.

Sure hope the roads are better than the mid-west.

I will try the nude bloging on Friday night, but I may not stay awake longe enough to talk to ya, so I'll leave you with this bit of British humor to tide you over.  Those Brits have some funny shit on their Telly.



Later!

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Worst Analogies Found In High School Papers



“McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.”

“From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and ‘Jeopardy’ comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.”

“Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.”

“H spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.”

“Her date was pleased enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like ‘Second Tall Man.’”

“She caught your eye like one of those point hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.”

“The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.”

“Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.”

“Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\\flw.qudaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.”

“Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.”

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.”

“He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.”

“The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.”

“John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.”

“The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound oa thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.”

“The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.”
.

Why We Must Drink Beer

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Kissing Prank

This is a tape of a fake kissing audition for a type of chap lip balm.


Gonna line up, ladies?

College Football Quiz


                                      (Click on it and it will get bigger - That's what she said)

(1) What does the average Univ. of Florida player get on his SATs? - Drool.


(2) What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in one room? - A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader into your dorm room? - Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get a South Carolina graduate off your porch? - Pay him for the pizza.


(5) How do you know if an Alabama football player has a girlfriend? - There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum? - Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of a Texas Longhorn football player's life? - His freshman year.

(8) How many Texas A&M freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? - None! That's a sophomore course.

(9) Where was O. J. Headed in the white Bronco? - Durham , North Carolina. He knew that the police would never look at Duke for a Heisman Trophy winner.

(10) How do you keep an FSU football player out of your front yard? - Erect a goal post!

(11) What do they call the 12th player for the Missouri Tigers? - Parole Officer

(12) What does the "N" stand for on the Nebraska helmets? - Knowledge

(13) Why did Boise State paint their field blue? - So the team would know it was a home game and to keep the Cheerleaders from grazing.

(14) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color? - You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Home Is The Sailor, Home From The Sea...

As ye olde poet, Robert Lewis Stevenson, loosely said in the poem Requiem, “Home is the sailor, home from the sea, and the hunter home from the hills…body soar as hell, taking plenty of pills.” Or something like that.


Peeps, this was the best weekend I have had in many years. Yes, I am sore from climbing and descending ladders (stairs to you Army and civilian types) and from walking and swaying on a rolling, vibrating hunk of metal, but the trip was worth it all.



We arrived at the pier and proceeded to the USS Kidd (DDG 100) at Oh Six Hundred (6:00 a.m.)

We were checked in through security (and not one sailor, mail or female) threatened to search me or pat me down either. Just check our name off a list of invitees. We then went aboard and straight down a ladder to the mess decks where they served us breakfast.

Then we just toured the ship at our leisure. Of course there were sailors (ship’s company) everywhere and they were the best tour guides ever. NO ONE was too busy or too shy to talk to you. Even the sailors and officers who had their own family members aboard. They all answered any questions about anything on the ship and life aboard her. One thing I did notice, though.  The ladders seem to be much steeper than I remember.  And I use to be able to clime up and down them like a rat on a mooring line. Now it's one step at a time.  But I can still go down them facing forward. Not that old - YET.  Also, the passageways are taller.  For over two years this six foot four inch hunk of loving had to walk stooped over or get my scalp ripped from the overhead pipes and stuff.  On the Kidd I could walk straight up.


 

 This is the ship's Captain, Comander (CDR) Paul Bieraugel, addressing everyone.  This is one cool dude.


Some of the family, friends and crew on the helo flight deck.



I like this picture of a young sailor hold her daughter.  How hard it must be on her to leave her for months at a time.  Sacrifices are made by everyone who are serving or tied to a serice member. God bless'em all.



The guy on the right is Tom Anthony, a survivor of the accident that lost 74 young men. He was not only one of the 10 to survive off the front, he was a Radarman like me - and slept in the same bunk I had. The lady with the red scarf is Sylvia Campbell the Associations Secretary, wife of the President. J.C. (half shone with her) and the guy behind her smiling at the camera is my best pal, Earl Marchbanks. We served together. Seventy seven and still working full time at Fort Benning.


 

When we got underway, I was allowed to go into CIC and watch the guys (and gals) do the same shit I did when we left port.  Here they are tracking the ship's movement through the channel on the chart (map.)  I couldn't get too close and take pictures for security reasons.  If I did, and you saw them posted, I would have to kill you.



These two are looking at a radar scope - in color and with information on the screen.  Back in the day it was green on a black background and hand written notes on a board beside the scope.  The times they are a-changing.



Just to the right of the two guys above, this lovely young lady...What? Oh...sorry, this sailor is watching a television screen. There is a camera on top of the mast that will give CIC visual sightings, too. Good for close in identification that cannot be seen on a radar screen.




From there I went onto the bridge. This is on the starboard wing looking aft. Small wake means slow going out of the channel. The group below is Steve Kraus, also a survivor of the accident, and his son and daughter. Very cool people, too.



This is looking forward, of course, and if you look on the horizon to the right you will see another destroyer coming into port.




Also, a sub was coming in.  Here we are rendering honors to them and they to us as we pass.



Back on the bridge with the Captain, who put on a great show for us.


As soon as we cleared the last buoy, he kicked it up to 30 knots. The flight deck in port is at least 20 feet out of the water. Here it is on a few feet as the wake is kicking up and rear end laid down in the water. Incredible to see and experience. The sound, the wind whipping across the deck, the movement…getting turned on here folks…let me continue with the cruise narrative before...




Here is Tom again.  Check out the foam behind him.



And of course I had to give you some eye candy, too.  What kind of sailor would I be if I didn't have the ladies in mind. 

The ship's company set up the flight deck with tables and chairs for our lunch time.


As I said, the Captain wanted to show off. He told the peeps on the bride that he was gonna ‘tie the knot.’ We went into a high speed, emergency turn and then rolled back the other way and ran through two figure eights, the diameter being just a little over two ship lengths. The decks were at a 45 degree angle. It was fucking awesome.


 

This is looking forward to one of the turns.

After this, he slowed down and we had lunch. During lunch a Marine fighter jet put on a show for us. He made three passes up our port side. The first one was at landing speed for a carrier landing with the wheels down. The second one he zoomed past at attack speed (loud and great), but his third and final pass he broke the sound barrier 100 feet off the water and a half mile behind us. A huge white flash and a awesome boom. When he came by you couldn't hear him, but there was a white cone of shock wave coming off his tail. He was almost past the ship before the sound came along. It was all done before I could get a picture on my dinky little Kodak. But is was an incredible experience. It was even the first time of the ships crew, too. Not many people get to see a sonic boom and fly by at super sonic speed 100 feet off the water. I know, I know. You are so jealous. Suck it up.


 

Then, after a full day of sea maneuvers, 50 cal firing demonstrations, and two pods of porpoise (or dauphins. I only know one is protected and the other is dinner) chasing us, we headed back into San Diego. This is Point Loma, the sight all sailors look for. Like the Statue of Liberty or the Golden Gate Bride. When you see it you know you are home.


 

This is me and Earl with two Mustangs. A Mustang is an officer who started out as an enlisted man, came up through the ranks and went on to become an officer. These are two very cool dudes. On the right is Sean Page, from Dallas, GA, (his mom took the picture for us) my neighbor and the other is John Wojcik. Sean was a Chief Petty Officer and John was 1st Class PO when they received their commissions. John Wojcik even swapped coins with me. I now have his Mustang coin. Best gift ever.  Believe me, the swap meant more to me than it did to him.


 

This is CDR Jennifer Ellinger, the XO of the Kidd. In June, when CDR Bieraugel leaves for his next assignment, she will take over as Captain of the Kidd. One in a line of dedicated and committed women who will lead the US Navy into the twenty-first century and beyond. Ooooh Raah to her, too.


 
 

So now it's time to leave the lovey lady.  But as a sailor, I had to look once more, longly, at her ass.


And to ogle her front.


She is a very classy lady who is also has earned a Combat E on her bride for being an efficient ship during combat maneuvers and assignments. She will also be deploying again in June. I already have John down as a milsupport person to receive goodies from a jealous Georgian.

That about winds up this seafaring tail, folks. If you have any questions, just let me know.

Later, Peeps!
.

Musical Interlude

Hey, Peeps! I'm home from my extraordinary trip to San Diego, and I will be posting about it, with some pictures, later today.


But first, here is a musical interlude to easy you anxious craving for more cut and past post from me.



Not a dirty word in it or from me, too.  Fucking awesome ain't it.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Scottish Compassion


(Actually this is Nick Vujicic, on inspirational and motivational speaker to kids)


A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Wales, and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been fooked, laddie?"
The man broke into a big smile and said, "No"..

She said, "Aye, ya will be when the tide comes in."
.
.
I will feel 'fooked', too.  All I will be doing between now and Sunday night is reading blogs - maybe commenting some.  I will be leaving in the morning for San Diego and my day cruse on the USS Kidd (DDG 100).

I will take some pictures and try not to bore you with them when I get back.  In the mean time, y'all have a great rest of the week and weekend.  See ya later.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

The Deaf Bookkeeper



A Mafia Godfather finds out that his deaf bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is.

Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Enzo signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just LOVE lawyers?

Brings tears to your eyes don‘t it!
.

Why Men Are Happier Than Women



Men are just happier than women.  We keep it simple while y’all are…damn if I know…

Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about.

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat-Boy, Dick-Head and Crap-for-Brains.


EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337, and a man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night (but the men will still want sex in the morning.)

OFFSPRING
Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Do you understand what I’m talking about now? Good!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Did Phillip fart?

Did Phillip fart?


He probably did, and does all the time. What the heck, he’s almost ninety, and at that age you don’t hold anything back even if you wanted to.  He just has pray that it is a fart.

The facial expressions are priceless, though.  Look at the Queen's face and Phillip trying to look so innocent!

Remember:

A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song.

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while.

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces .

From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget
Sweet old farts like you!


Lovely!  Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?

PONDERISMS


1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

3· Life is sexually transmitted.

4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?

13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about it?

14· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

15· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

16· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

17· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

18· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

19. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

20. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

If you've seen these before...sorry!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

RAF Humor To The End



A picture of the last Harrier fly by over the Houses of Parliament.


You have to squint a bit to see what the boys are trying to say!

They were retired on Dec 16th 2010 after years a awesome service.

Well Done RAF!

Another Award - WTF

I received another award last night. Two in one week. Damn! I’m humbled and amazed. You’d think I owe y’all money or something.



This one is different and special because it was made especially for me (or at least I am the first one to receive it) by  The Queen of WTF and The Dutchess, two sisters who ran a Royal Family of Hookers with a cast of blogger characters.

It seems now that they are, humm, I don’t think ‘old’ is the right word, perhaps just ‘ready’ to retire and together opened a retirement home for old, worn-out hookers. The Royal Retirement Home.

Open and honest to a fault and funny in their irreverence you need to check’em out.

Thanks ladies! Does this mean, as a perk for this award, that I get a freebie? 

I was actually hoping I could finally fulfill my like’s ambition and dream of becomming the Quality Control Inspector in your whorehouse.  Send me a application and I’ll send you my references.

Thanks!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

SNUGGLING ON THE BEACH



This unique video is of a tourist who sat on the beach to watch the seals and penguins on Gold Harbor, South Georgia. Unexpectedly, one of the seals is apparently attracted to her and, slowly works his way over to her.

He seems to 'fall in love' and snuggles and flirts with her. It is quite an unusual and interesting scene. The seals are huge (6,000 lbs), yet she never seemed afraid...more amused...while someone shot the video of this incident.

Gold Harbor, South Georgia, is located off the southern tip of South America. (sub arctic) It is a small bay five miles S-SW of Cape Charlotte, with Bertrab Glacierat its head, along the east end of Georgia. The west end of the beach, where a glacial stream flows, is a breeding ground for various types of penguins and large seals.

It is not a frequent destination for tourists.

In Southeast Georgia (USA) the same thing occurs on our beaches, but with fat, rich men instead of sea life.

Enjoy!

Friday, January 28, 2011

A Couple Of Aspirin Will Work Everytime



I went out with my buddies and had a few drinks last night.  With all the camaraderie and ’man boasting’, I kinda got in the mood for some loving.  Now there were plenty of nice looking ladies there enjoying a good time, too, but I chose to be true to Judy and went home.


When I got home, I found her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.

I run to the bathroom medicine cabinet and get two aspirin, snuck over to the bed and drop them into her mouth.

Of course she chokes but recovers and asks, ‘What did you just put in my mouth?’

I told her, 'Two aspirin.'

She replies, 'BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE!'

And I said, 'That's what I wanted to hear.'

 

It's Official - I'm Funny

***Peeps! I was just checking my site meter and I just got a hit on this post from the Vatican City.  Oh Hell! Pray for me, folks.  I'm allergic to lightning.***

Peeps, I have this fairly new blogger and follower who is not only beautiful and sexy, but she puts out too. Puts out some great writing, that is (what else did you think I mean?) and she has impeccable taste when it comes to humor.  She thinks I’m funny.

I don’t know why.  I don’t believe she drinks to extremes or uses drugs or is mentally incapacitated or anything.  She just thinks I’m funny.  Perhaps you should see things her way. I might get more laughs and less restraining orders if you do.

She needs some followers, too. Check her out. She is The Minute Man’s Wife, and I hope that means he’s in the National Guard or State Militia and not an account of his love making abilities.




Anytrophy, she gave me this cool LOL Award. I’m suppose to pass it along to someone else, but you know me an rules. So many of you make me laugh that I cannot choose one over the other. So if you are funny (and you know who you are) then please accept this cool award from me.

You’re welcome!

Love Y’all Long Time, Peeps!
.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

ATM INSTRUCTIONS



A new Bank Lobbyn sign reads:


'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-Through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
.
.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

New Advances in Redneck Technology

Actually some of these are quiet ingenious.

Okay! Some of these are pretty good.

Alright! Alright! They are dumb as hell. Shut it!






















Let's see you come up with a better mouse trap!