Thursday, August 22, 2019

Moments of Clarity



Sometime Others Have Moments of Clarity; I don’t!

As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind, every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. - John Glenn

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.
They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes.
When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. - Desmond Tutu

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon landing was faked. - David Letterman

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.  I'm a billionaire. - Howard Hughes

After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box! - Italian proverb

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. - Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. - Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. - Jean Rostand.

Having more money doesn't make you happier.  I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. - Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We are here on earth to do good unto others.  What the others are here for, I have no idea. - W. H. Auden

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. - Johnny Carson

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. - Arthur C Clarke


Wednesday, July 03, 2019

Harley Davidson's Declining Sales















Harley Davidson Speaks Out About Declining Bike Sales

The slump in sales at H-D are not President Trump's fault. 

The Baby Boomers all have motorcycles, Generation X is only buying a few, and the Millennials aren’t buying any at all. 

A recent study was done to find out why Millennials don't ride motorcycles:

1. Pants won't pull up far enough for them to straddle the seat.

2. Can't get their phone to their ear with a helmet on.

3. Can't use two hands to eat while driving.

4. Don't get a trophy and a recognition plaque just for buying one.

5. Don't have enough muscle to hold the bike up when stopped.

6. Might have a bug hit them in the face and then they would need emergency care.

7. Motorcycles don't have air conditioning.

8. Can't afford one because they spent 6 years in college trying to get a degree in Humanities, Social Studies or Gender Studies, for which no jobs are available.

9. Allergic to fresh air.

10. Pajamas get caught on the exhaust pipes.

11. Might get their hands dirty checking the oil.

12. Handlebars have buttons and levers, and can’t be controlled by touch-screen.

13. Have to shift manually, and use something called a clutch.

14. Too dangerous to take selfies while riding.

15. Don't come with training wheels like their bicycles did.

16. Don't have power steering or power brakes.

17. Nose ring interferes with the face shield.

18. Would have to use leg muscle to back up.

19. When stopped, a light breeze might blow exhaust in their face.

20. Could rain on them and expose them to non-soft water.

21. Might scare their emotional support dog, then the dog would need therapy.

22. Can't get the motorcycle down the basement stairs of their parent's home. 

Monday, May 27, 2019

Memorial Day 2019


Marietta National Cemetery, Marietta, GA

Thank you for your service and sacrifice, fellow veterans.  

Rest In Peace, we who are left now have the watch.

Monday, July 16, 2018

For Newcomers To Georgia














You newcomers to Georgia, here are some things you need to know if you plan to stay here.

1. Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way.  This is what they live for.
3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular.  "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
4. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity".  And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
5. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
6. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.
7. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Jeep, Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
8. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
9. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
10. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".
11. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
12. Yes, weddings, funerals, and divorces must take into account for Ga.Tech, UGA or Navy Football games. 
13. Everything is better with 1000 Island or ranch dressing.
14. DO NOT honk your horn at us to be obnoxious, we will sit there until we die.
15. We pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass. 
16. We pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.
17. "Bless your Heart" is a nice way of saying you're an idiot.
18. No matter what kind: sprite, coke, Pepsi, mountain dew, it isn't called soda or pop. It’s all called coke
19. If you don't like the weather in Georgia, wait 15 minutes, it will change
20. The difference between a Yankee and a Damn Yankee is, the Yankee goes back home.

21. And for you Liberals pussies…


Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Hints to Help

Okay, I'm back again, all safe and sound.  You can call off the search squads, the police and the FBI.  I just didn't have much to say, but I did read all those on the side bar everyday.  You should, too.  There is some might good posting going on over there.

So, for today, I didn't want to post on all the stuff going on all over the world... though I did read that there is a movement to get rid of Maxine Waters in the Senate.  I saw these hints to make life a little easier and though you would like them, too.  No thanks  necessary, but comments would be appreciated.












Now back to you daily reads...
 

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Inappropriate Humor















I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice.  At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.  Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt.  Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.  He says what do you expect?  You're in a wheel chair.

The wife has been missing a week now.  Police said to prepare for the worst.  So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day.  I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?  Apparently the correct answer was Africa.

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they do drive slowly past schools.

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard.”

A buddy of mine just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.  I said "How can you tell them apart?"  He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan.  I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.