Tuesday, January 03, 2017

One of the things about retirement is the extra time one has to just think, which leads to questions.

So, I am 72 years old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!!

I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...

Where's the beef...

How to get to Sesame Street...

Why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...

Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same…

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop...

Why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, or light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails…

Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors...

Why is there Braille on drive up ATM's...

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word…

Why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator...

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-

Washing liquid is made with real lemons...

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections...

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going...

Why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune...

Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs...

Just what is Victoria's secret, anyway?...

What would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart...

Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways?...

Do you really think I am this witty??...

I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's, baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man...

I know… I need to get a life.

Thursday, September 15, 2016


Not that I need any excuses to have a beer or two, there are those of you who do need an excuse, or a reason to justify taking a drink.   Try these: 

"Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.  Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.  If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.  I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Babe Ruth

"If all you had to look forward to was sleeping with Lady Bird you'd stay drunk too." - Lyndon B. Johnson

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Paul Horning

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.  Coincidence?  I think not." - H. L. Mencken

"When we drink, we get drunk.  When we get drunk, we fall asleep.  When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.  When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.  So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" - George Bernard Shaw

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.  Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.! - W. C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. - Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.  Salvation in a can! - Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers (TV Sitcom), Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.  And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.  This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members!  In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.  Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.  But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.  In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!  That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Cliff has point…

Friday, September 09, 2016


Okay, class, here is the question… WHY?

Why can’t I post anything here?  I post all kind of shit on Facebook, but not here.

Why is Facebook more important than my blog?  I am here every day, sometime two or three times a day, to check on the awesome bloggers on the port side.

Why aren’t all of you on my Facebook friends list?

Why are y’all still posting on your blogs instead of Facebook?  Both types have stupid rules and laws.  Is it because you can post larger post with the ability to post more than one picture and place that picture where you want it to enhance your story/blog?  Makes sense to me, I guess.

Why can’t Facebook have a highlight or a BOLD option?

Why doesn’t blogger have a LIKE button so you can let someone know you have been there but didn’t feel the need to comment?

And most of all, WHY AM I EVEN POSTING THESE DUMBASS QUESTIONS?  The collection of questions seem to answer the whole WHY question.

Okay, I’ll go now.  Continue with what you were doing. (In Navy speak, that is Carry On).


Thursday, August 11, 2016

Observations Of Old Age

It has been awhile since I’ve posted anything, so I thought I would throw this one up just to let you know I am still around and that I do drop by daily to read the peeps on the left side blog roll.  Sometimes several times a day.  So I hope you get as big a kick out of these as I did.


Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's as anymore.

Things I have noticed and figured out… If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.  A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.  A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.  And they tell us to exercise?  I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my butt.
14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
t15. It is not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.  I go somewhere to get
something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
20. Have I sent this message to you before... or did I get it from you?

Oh well.  This will do it for a while… or sooner.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

VV Day 2016

Today, March 30th, is Vietnam Veterans Day in Georgia. 

Some states celebrate 29 March as their welcome home date.  And some (AR, HI, KY, MI, MS, NE, NV, UT, WY) do not even recognize the date at all.  Hell, even Puerto Rico celebrates the day on 30 March since 2009.  And what's with Hawaii?  Many vets spent R&R there with their girlfriends, wives and family.  Take the money but stay PC.

It has been 44 years since we (the US) pulled out of that beautiful shit-hole of a country.  Over fifty eight thousand young lives lost because LBJ and Congress didn’t have any balls, yet our men and women fought bravely and honorably only to come home to ridicule, though I have yet to meet a man who was actually spit on – not to say it didn’t happen.  Just not as often as the public seems to thing.  They did get dirty looks and some comments, but no spitting.  And the worst only came if there was a demonstration outside the airport, which rarely happened.

But no matter which day the states choose, every day is Welcome Home Vietnam Veterans Day for me.  Especially for the 299 survivors of the USS Frank E Evans.

Thanks, guys, and welcome home.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Golfing Quotes

Golfing has its own language and descriptions.  Comments and excuses are pretty unique, too.  Here are a few for ya…

1. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead
2. I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett
3. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray
4. The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. ~ Mickey Mantle
5. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner
6. I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
7. After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
8. The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis
9. Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino
10. My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson
11. Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny
12. There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan
13. Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. ~ Jack Nicklaus
14. The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H. G. Wells
15. I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham
16. If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope
17. While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman
18. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon
19. You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino